I'm about to write what will undoubtedly become a very lengthy and long-winded diatribe on the current state of Top Gear. I'm not going to hold back on what i thought were the weaker moments and I'm not going to spend much time talking about the bits I enjoyed. I'm not going to pretend that the TV show has feelings and I might hurt them. I don't care that i don't live in England or that I don't pay the BBC that silly TV tax you suckers have to pay. My opinions are my own and if you don't like hearing the cold, hard truth
don't read this shit. upyourego, i'm looking in your direction...
I didn't comment on the first episode because I wanted to let the show find its feet, so to speak, before I formed a proper opinion. Now that i've seen episode two i've got a good vision of things to come. And I don't like it.
It had a few laughs, not enough cars and loads of shitey filler. Just like the abominable season 9. (I'm sure some of you hatefully remember my opinions of that season from back in the day.)
The R8 review was good by normal, TV standards like you'd find on Fifth Gear or Some Other Car Show but by Top Gear standards (the standards they themselves set, for themselves!) it was a limp-wristed load of unimaginative sleep-inducing mediocrity. Two grey cars driving in circles around a grey bit of pavement on a grey day. They never used to do this! Ever! All their reviews had a little something in them to make them special or interesting. Sometimes it was nothing more than a cheap, see-through gimmick but "gimmicks create interest where originally there was none". Remember when James took that XJ6 to Birmingham? That was just a cheap gimmick but he worked the fuck out of it and made that review into something magical and whimsical!
This review had nothing. Not a god damn thing. It was just a man in a car and nothing more. I can see that shit
anywhere. Even Tiff can do that shit and he has all the personality of a Communion Wafer.
Speaking of which, How many times is Jezza going to find someone in the audience who looks faintly like Jesus and make a joke about it like he's never done it before? What is this, the fourth time?
The Porsche pipes were funny. Especially James who looked right at home. :lol: I do wish they'd pick on him a bit less tho... You know, sometimes I would actually like to hear the ends of his sentences rather than their stupid jokes at his expense.
Bah, anyway...
I knew exactly what he was getting at when he was comparing the Ferrari Scuderia to cheese because I've had the same thought about batteries! Why do they have so many different levels of longevity like Standard Duty, Heavy Duty and
Super Heavy Duty? Why aren't they all just as good as they can be?
The boat thing was an ungodly mess. I swear they could have trimmed it down to half the time! It was like a 15 minute segment squeezed into 30 minutes. Why did we have to see the drive out to Dover? Absolutely nothing of note happened! If you're about to say that it was worth sitting through the whole drive just to see that brief moment where Hammond looked loaded don't bother because you're wrong. Sure, there were a few laughs and it was pretty damn cool when they made it to Prance but we've seen this boat caper before and it was much better the first time.
The Star In A Reasonably Priced Car segment is just dead weight now. Even when it's not bad it's still pretty bad. Terry Kiser should sue them for stealing his shtick!
yuk, yuk, yuk.
I sat through the ep and it's not better than season 9. It's not 'back to its good old self' like I had hoped it would be and like so many of you have claimed it to be.
I'm going to keep downloading each episode in hope that some parts will be worth watching. Then I'm going to come in here and give my thoughts because that's what this place is here for. Those of you with an ounce of wit will simply know not to read them and those of you who like this current season will read them and then bitch and moan at me like little girls.... And so goes this thing of ours...