Luckily a major tire chain store was around the block from my workplace, I took the car over there during a lunch break where they immediately concluded a patch was not a safe or reliable option and we ordered a new replacement tire. I thought the replacement wouldn't arrive for a couple days but they were able to source one in a few hrs and the Telluride was ready for pick up by the end of the day.
For $200 out of my pocket and some headaches and stress in the morning, things could have ended up much much worse.