24 *may contain spoilers*

evoWALO

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Top 30 Facts about Jack Bauer.

If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.

If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.

Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.

Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.

Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.

Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.

If Jack Bauer worked in the Human Resources Department at CTU, there would be no moles working there.

Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.

Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.

Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.

Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.

You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.

Those guys on Prison Break should give up, Jack Bauer will only hunt them down next season.

When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer fucking hates lemonade.

Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.

Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.

Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.

Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.

Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.

Jack Bauers calender goes from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Jack Bauer.

Jack Bauer would laugh in the face of danger, but Jack Bauer doesn't laugh.

When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.

Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.

Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something then you better fucking do it.

Jack Bauer can hit two birds with no stones.

Every time you maturbate Jack Bauer kills a terrorist. Not beacuase you masurbated, but because that is how often he kills terrorists.

Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.

In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times.

What the fuck have you done with your life?

Jack Bauer is as cool as Edgar is fat.
 

Buba

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hokiethang said:
hopefully next week, that asshat cummings will get owned.

Jack will torture him sooo much I hope!!!
 

evoWALO

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What if Jack Bauer ran a Starbucks?

The camera pans up on a starbucks counter in suburban Los Angeles. A
strung out Jack Bauer (Kiefer Sutherland) stands at a cash register,
looking non plussed. A business man in a suit, carrying a briefcase
walks up to the counter.

Man 1: Venti Vanilla Soy Latte

Jack: There's no time for that. Here's a large coffee. Now gimme three
bucks and you won't get hurt.

Man 1: Um. But what about my Soy?

Jack: Fuck your soy, can't you see the world's in danger?

****

A hip web programmer walks in and sees Jack at the counter.

Man 2: Yo dude, venti 8 pump soy chai lattte dude.

Jack: There. is. no. time.

Man 2: There's always time for chai, man.

Jack: We are runnning out of time. We can't stick to protocol here,
you know I'm right and you'll just have to trust me.

Jack hands him a mocha and pushes him out the front door.

****

Jack goes to refill the milk pitchers and finds them empty. He marches
back to the storage area, where his coworker is bound and gagged to a
chair, looking panicked. He removes his ball gag and draws the gun out
from the waistband of his black jeans.

Jack: WHERE IS THE CREAMER

Employee: *whimper* Don't kill me man

Jack: WHERE IS THE GODDAMN CREAMER!

Employee, crying: I dunno man, this is only my second day

Jack shoots him in the foot, Employee screams.

Jack: We don't have time for this, just tell me where the creamer is
before I really snap.

****

Jack is holding a clipboard, looking at the manifest for his supply
delivery. A swarthy delivery man is moving boxes out of his truck into
the supply room.

Jack: Wait a minute. There are only six boxes of latte flavor bottles
here.

Delivery, in accent: I bring what I have

Jack: Don't give me that, I know what the chatter says, you've got
eight boxes for me.

Delivery: I know what I have, I have six

Jack: I've got the interpol overnights RIGHT HERE. It says EIGHT

Delivery: SIX! I have Six!

Jack draws the gun

Delivery: SIX!

Jack grabs him and pushes him into the corner and puts the gun to his head

Jack: Now, I know what protocol says, and I know what I'm feeling
right now, and I know they're different. Don't make me kill you.

Delivery: Seven?

****

Jack is cleaning the counter when spots that the guy in the corner is
*still* there. He storms over to the guy, and slams shut his iBook,
narrowly missing the guy's fingers. Jack hurls the table into the wall
and yanks the lurker out of his trendy chair.

Jack: WHAT ARE YOU PLANNING?

Guy: wha? wha? Nothing! I'm just chatting!

Jack: You've been here for SIX HOURS!

Guy: This is my OFFICE

Jack: No, this is MY STARBUCKS! [takes his gun out and puts three
rounds in the guys Apple iBook] WHAT ARE YOU PLANNING?

Guy: I'm writing a novel

Jack: and I'm the President [Shoots him in the foot] NOW TELL ME!
 

Paddy

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When does 24 air in the states ? Does it take long for it to arrive on Torrent ? Just watched the first 5 episodes, typical 24 storyline, but still really enjoyable and considering what happened in Episode 1 anything seem's to be possible!
 

hokiethang

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Cosworth said:
When does 24 air in the states ? Does it take long for it to arrive on Torrent ? Just watched the first 5 episodes, typical 24 storyline, but still really enjoyable and considering what happened in Episode 1 anything seem's to be possible!

Monday Nights at 9pm EST, and I have no idea how long it takes to arrive on Torrent, but if its like any other US show, it's less than 12 hours.
 

andyhui01

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haha... I thought cummings was going to get into more shit than just having a knife pointed at him :(
 

swek

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Not exactly the best 24 episode to date. Okay we lerned that the President is even more spineless than we suspected but the whole "Oh no, I never thought the terrorist might take control over the operation" plot was just stupid. How did the guy became assistant to the President again ? Did he get his education at Simple-Mindedness University ?
 

BlaRo

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All I have to say is, "What the :censored: happened?!" :?

Jack Bauer, though, he's unstoppable.
 

evoWALO

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Just finished watching 5x06 and I gotta agree that it was really cheesy. I expected Cummings to put up more of a fight.

Jack Bauer for President!

===

What happens to Jack Bauer during the next 24 hours?

Well, wonder no more: the following takes place ... the day after.

7 a.m. Jack catches up on some well-needed rest.

8 a.m. Jack continues to sleep.

9 a.m. Jack wakes up briefly, looks at his alarm clock, mutters
something about how someone who saved the world deserves five more
minutes, and goes back to sleep again.

10 a.m. Jack is woken by his secure phone. It is, however, a
telemarketer asking if he'd like to change his long distance service.
Jack manages to use the men's room for the first time in 27 hours.

11 a.m. Paperwork. Jack has, in the previous 28 hours, destroyed
approximately $10 million worth of civilian property (vehicles,
mostly); you had better believe there are forms that need filling out.

12 p.m. More paperwork, and a light lunch.

1 p.m. Jack goes to pick up his dry cleaning. Some tension when the
dry cleaner reminds him he was supposed to come in yesterday; dry
cleaner is mollified when Jack displays his latest presidential
commendation, and Jack even manages to get the special "unsung
national hero" 20 percent discount.

2 p.m. Jack does other errands, as long as he's out; returning library
books (he didn't quite manage to finish "The Lovely Bones," but it was
overdue); getting new cellphone headset (since the explosion yesterday
at 7 p.m., he keeps hearing a sort of staticky sound); buying more ammo.

3 p.m. Awkward apologetic phone calls to various people he attacked,
beat up, or threatened yesterday who turned out to be entirely innocent.

4 p.m. More awkward phone calls. There were a lot of people.

5 p.m. Catches the big football game he had videotaped yesterday as
soon as he heard it was going to be "one of those days." (Luckily,
terrorists generally aren't the type of people to blurt out the score,
though Jack is always having to warn people at the Counterterrorist
Unit that they shouldn't even *mention* the Steelers while he's on the
job.)

6 p.m. Orders Chinese food for dinner. A slight problem arises when
Jack believes that the deliveryman is actually an assassin sent by the
Chinese Embassy. Mental note made for another awkward phone call for
tomorrow.

7 p.m. Gets spruced up for date with beautiful woman he met at 5 p.m.
yesterday, during hostage crisis.

8 p.m. Drinks with beautiful woman. Date ends early when turns out
that they have nothing in common other than shared dislike of being
taken hostage; leave on good terms, though, and Jack agrees that yes,
this will make a nice "meet cute" story for her.

9 p.m. Jack goes to bookstore and buys paperback copy of "The Lovely
Bones"; heads back home for some quiet time.

10 p.m. Bubble bath.

11 p.m. Jack watches the Daily Show and the Colbert Report, waiting to
see what John and Steve have to say about yesterday's events; he
laughs a lot, even though they both, like all the rest of the media,
have the story entirely wrong.

12 a.m. Stretching exercises; after all the many injuries he's
suffered over these very long days, Jack's just a mass of trouble spots.

1 a.m. to 7 a.m. Bed. Sleep interrupted briefly to repel home invasion
by assassins from Chinese Embassy. Otherwise uneventful.
 

andyhui01

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btw... does anyone know what happened to keeler?... how come after he recovered, he couldn't become president again?
 

Buba

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I wondered about that as well... But since his son died during an attack on him, maybe he is in the "have to take care of my family" thing... And the whole plot wouldn't work with a stronger president.
I found 506 to be awesome... I really like it when Jack tortures people... Although it should have been a bit more like what Stewie did to Brian ;-)

Buba
 
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