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An Australian, A Frenchman, and an Englishman...

Tomo Motorsport

Tomo Motorsport

Active Member
Joined
Mar 28, 2005
Messages
297
Location
Tacoma, WA, USA
An Englishman, an Australian and an Frenchman are all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze when, all of a sudden, Saudi police rush in and arrest them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the booze, they are all sentenced to death!

However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they are able to successfully appeal their sentences down to life imprisonment.

By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheikh decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip. As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh announced: "It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping."

The Australian was first in line, he thought for a while and then said:
"Please tie a pillow to my back. This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. When the punishment was done he had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain.

The Frenchman was next up. After watching the Australian in horror he said smugly: "Please fix two pillows to my back." But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again and the Frenchman was soon led away whimpering loudly.

The Englishman was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: "You are from a most beautiful part of the world and your culture is one of the finest in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!"

"Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness", The Englishman replied. "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes."

"Not only are you an honourable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave". The Sheikh said with an admiring look on his face. "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish, what is it to be?" the Sheikh asked.

"Tie the Frenchman to my back."
 
Hehe... Nice...
 
:lol:
 
:lmao: good one
 
Hahaha that was gold!!! :lol: :lol: :lol:
 
Here's another one:

Now - the scene is set, a dark night, cold wind blowing, campfire flickering, stars twinkling in the dark sky. Three hang-glider pilots sitting by the campfire, one from Orstralia, one from Seeth Ifrika and one from New Zulland. Each embroiled in the bravado for which they are famous. The night of tales begins.

Kiven the Kiwi says. "I must be the meanest. toughest, heng glider there es. Why, jist the ither day I linded in a field and scared a crocodeale, who came out of the swamp and ate sux min who were standen close by. I grabbed the crocodeale and wristeled him to du ground and killed him with by beer hends."

Hansie from Seeth Ifrika who typically can't stand to be betterd said, "Well you guys. I lended orfter a 200 mile flight in my heng glider on a tiny trail, and a Nambibian snike slid out from under a rock and made a move on me. I grebbed de borsted wid me bare hinds and beet it's hed off ind then sucked the poison from it's body down in one gulp. End I'm still here today."

Meanwhile Bazza the Aussies remained silent, slowly poking the fire with his penis!

Here's a Two nuns jokes:

Two nuns, Sister Marilyn and Sister Helen, are traveling through Europe in their car. They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a tiny little Dracula jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses through the windshield.

"Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Marilyn. "What shall we do?"

"Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination," says Sister Helen.

Sister Marilyn switches them on, knocking Dracula about, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns.

"What shall I do now?" she shouts.

"Switch on the windshield washer. I filled it up with Holy Water at the Vatican," says Sister Helen.

Sister Marilyn turns on the windshield washer. Dracula screams as the water burns his skin, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns.

"Now what?" shouts Sister Marilyn.

"Show him your cross," says Sister Helen.

"Now you're talking," says Sister Marilyn.

She opens the window and shouts, "Get the fuck off the car!"
 
haha i think wat final gear needs now are jokes from the country of origin.... why not make a thread of it....
 
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