Got my first day of real lockdown blues today. Not because of how things are now, but because of the outlook. [...] For me, the outlook currently painted of a year without seeing friends in person, without concerts, without going to the movies, without new movies being made, without holidays, without Ringmeet, without everything, including even having a water cooler chat in the office, just sounds all too bleak.
I can totally understand that, and I'm in a similar mood.
First, I want to admit that my problems are
very mild, objectively speaking. My job is still there, I can even work from home - so my work situation has actually improved, apart from me now paying the increased bills for electricity and toilet paper that come with being at home and at the computer all day long.
And my private life has never involved much of social activities. My main hobbies involve good weather, a vehicle and preferrably empty roads - all fine on that front.
Still,
being forced to sit here alone is totally different. In addition to that, the anxiety that kicks in as soon as I have to go out for groceries or similar is very disturbing. I could deal with a few weeks of this, of not meeting friends, of not having chit-chat with colleagues. But the prospect of this going on for months depresses me. And the uncertainty is what really takes a toll.
Even under normal circumstances, I live my daily life holding on to the anticipation of the next weekend meeting with friends (the little pleasures in life), and on a bigger scale the anticipation of the next summer adventure. And now it looks like all of these are taken away for the foreseeable future. I had just overcome my usual winter depression (which is regularly caused by my good-weather-hobbies on hiatus and my birthday), and now this.
At the moment, here in Germany there is discussion about how and when to lift the Corona prevention measures, how to get life back to normal. And to be completely honest, some of the proposals scare me. There is talk about having the "risk group" continuing to self-isolate while "normal" people will be allowed to resume their life. What now, I am supposed to sit in my flat while most of the people can meet again? Until we have a vaccine? Deep in my rational mind I am very sure it won't be implemented that way (mostly because the "risk group" is far too large), but the fear is there. I am not afraid of the Covid-19 sickness itself, but I am becoming increasingly afraid of the measures taken to contain the spread.
The part of me that just wants to see the world burn hopes for a drastic increase in suicides, that would have great popcorn potential.
And in my opinion we should loosen the restrictions on medically assisted suicide (we should do that anyway), so people can have a quick and dignified death if their Covid-19 turns too serious. I would certainly prefer that to intrusive ventilation. If people want to go out and bear the risk of being infected, let them. And give them suicide pills so they don't have to suffer.