1. Accept that riding on the sidewalk is not an option for cyclists when they're averaging 22 mph. It's also illegal in most towns. I hear this ridiculous argument all the time from non-cyclists.
Riding on the sidewalk is not an option, nor-should it be. However, when riding on public roads cyclists do tend to ignore the rules of the road more often than they obey them. It is gotten to the point that I notice obedient cyclists because they are an anomaly.
2. Accept that serious cycling is primarily group activity. Of course cycling groups should stay out of your way, but they do have the right to exist. There are many good reasons to ride in a group.
That is fine, I don't mind cyclists riding together. It's fun, social, and can help with motivation to exercise (something the US desperately needs). However, this is important when riding in groups:
4. Cyclists should ride single file almost always.
The only thing I would change is "almost". The law in my state is clear, cyclists MUST ride single file unless passing one another. They must also ride, "As far to the right as is practical." That means the two d-bags out of a leisurely pedal who took up the entire lane doing 10 mph and then ran a red light, causing cross traffic to stop and making me miss my light are breaking the fucking law
and are the rolling embodiment of everything drivers hate about cyclists.
3. Five seconds of patience isn't going to kill you. As long as a cyclist isn't acting like a fool, chill out for a second.
Nope, and I don't have a problem with being patient, however, being stuck behind a group of cyclists doing 15 under the limit and taking up the whole road for blocks at a time is inexcusable. So is running stop signs, ignoring traffic signals, riding the wrong way up one-way streets, shouting abuse at other road users, and striking people and vehicles when they think we have not put them on a high enough pedestal.
. Endangering cyclists' lives isn't funny. A small minority of drivers dehumanize cyclists and act like insane teenagers around them. I've had crap thrown at me, people swerve towards me intentially, people blow their horn right next to me when I'm in a full tuck at 45 MPH. It's not effing funny. Remember I'm someone's dad, that I have a mortgage to pay for and a job to go to. I will get your license plate, I will call the police.
You're right, but if cyclists really cared about safety they wouldn't run stop signs, ignore signals, and try to start fights with people in a 2.5 ton vehicle when we honk at them for nearly causing a crash. If safety was that important to these cyclists, they would take more care with their own safety.
5. Yes, we know we look like dorks. Cycling clothing has evolved over ~150 years for a very specific purpose. Try riding for four hours in 80 degree heat in jeans before laughing.
No thanks, I'll stick to my leathers, crash helmet, armored gloves, and boots. It always amazes me that my motorcycle friends who cycle would never think about traveling at speed on a motorcycle without full crash gear, but are perfectly fine traveling at the same speed on their bicycle with nothing more than some lycra and a foam hat.