FG Wacky Race - Winter Edition - RACE THREAD


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Feb 8, 2007
The country UKIP is scared of
Working on it
Okay folks, race time is almost around... remember, this is a winter event, so take that into account. The start is somewhere in the depths of a frozen and snow-capped Europe, there's nothing but snow and ice around for miles, it's snowing heavily and the wind is blowing mightily over the plains.

Due to the conditions, 30 minutes of formation running are allowed from the depths of Race Control in order to make sure everybody understands the circumstances in which they shall be racing for the next 24 hours.

So therefore... the green flag waves the field off for the reconaissance lap(s).
Okay folks, race time is almost around... remember, this is a winter event, so take that into account. The start is somewhere in the depths of a frozen and snow-capped Europe, there's nothing but snow and ice around for miles, it's snowing heavily and the wind is blowing mightily over the plains.

Can we do Andorra to Vladivostok, just for the Soviet Russia jokes?
Suit yourselves, I only said that the start is "somewhere in the depths of a frozen and snow-capped Europe". The course afterwards is up to the racers themselves. :)
We carefully inch the Mustang out on to the icy tarmac, checking that all systems and pressures are good for the race. The Walem has his 8 cup holders and corresponding cups of vodka and brandy read, along with his roadbook resting on his belly fin. The car seems to be handling the conditions fine, we're ready to race.
Lupin: What do you mean "upside down?"
T. Bear: *rawr*
Lupin: It's one minute to the start of the race, there's no time to fix it.
T. Bear: *rawr*
Lupin: Well, you did it, so you'll just have to drive it yourself, because there's no way in hell I'm running a race backwards. [turns around] Oh, the press! Uh, last minute driver change. Heheh.
The field is creeping towards the light gantry at the start-finish line...

Red lights are still on... still on...

... everybody's getting extremely bunched-up...

still on...


Lewis, behind the wheel of the taxi, let out his inner redneck as the lights turned green. Mashing the pedal, the taxi quickly separated itself from the pack, which was starting to un-bunch.

Meanwhile, in the back seat, Alan, the mysterious navigator, was thrown out of his seat.
"Where the hell are we going, anyway?"

Lewis shrugged. "Just following everyone else for now, mate."
There's a frenzy at the start as everyone tries to get the power down on the frozen surface. We didn't bother to fit four wheel drive to the Mustang, so our race starts with a bit of sideways action off the line. The Walem nearly spills his drink.
Sergei: Master, the race is starting.

Katstein: What? uh, what just happened?

Sergei: You fell asleep master. The race is starting.

Katstein: Well, that's no excuse to disturb me from my beauty sleep. I'm very, very, very disappointed in you Sergei.

Sergei: But master, you specifically told me to wake you up when the race starts no matter the circumstances.

Katstein: I did not say that. You're lying, Sergei. You're lying because you know I'm better than you, so you try to undermine me by undermining my beauty sleep.

Sergei: Please, master, I am not lying. I am sure the CCTV cameras can prove me right, master.

Katstein: Whatever. The point is, we can't be friends anymore. Goodbye, Sergei. Goodbye. (falls asleep again)

Sergei: meh. (shrugs and starts driving)


Me: oh we are already on our way! Thanks Lucifer!
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To any team who has not yet started, Meerkat Manor Motorsport would like to offer a free fluffy kitten as a token of good luck.
It seems as if I'm quite busy this morning, so I had to find a replacement driver.

This, my friends, is a specially-trained race goat.

"Baaaaaa," he said.

Goaty slips into the Failtima's driver seat, sees the green light, and floors it. It thuds forward violently as the broken slushbox tries to cope.

Oh, look! It's a corner!

Goaty, not realizing that everything about this car is rubbish, promptly spins it at the entry to the corner. Karoug's pants fly off the antenna and much lulz were had.
Karoug's pants land on the Exelero's windscreen, causing it to crash and fall off a steep mountain. Katstein is still asleep.
Gaah! (car's sliding) engage spiked tires

Ahhh, there we go.

It's slicing through the ice a bit so things might get a bit hairy for anyone behind us. Oh hey look, Katstein's in a ditch.

Lara is uninterested.
After narrowly avoiding a ditch with one of the other cars in it, we're trying to avoid a shower of ice. One shard hits the edge of the windscreen and causes a small crack so to make sure we don't lose the glass so early on, we activate the first of the Mustang's 'features'. A metal shield slides out of the roof and over the windscreen protecting it, while a small mesh window allows me to see where we're going.
After 30 minutes, Sergei decided that the ony way out of this ditch is to bend the rules a bit and call a helicopter removal service.

Now guess which helicopter removal service that turned out to be.

Careless Air's French counterpart, L'Air Malheureusement, dropped the car 300m above the ground. And then dropped a piano on it. Luckily, thanks to the wonders of the Exelero's structural rigidity and pure luck, damage was relatively minimal, with only slight damage to the chassis. Moreover, the car happened to be dropped on a road, not rolling over, half a mile behind the next competitor. Somehow. Thank you God!

Meanwhile, Katstein is still alseep.
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After over half an hour of wheelspin on the start line, 1Ukania realize that entering a Lotus Formula 1 car into an ice race probably wasn't the best idea.

Finally getting into the pits, some custom-made tyres are fitted, and Nakajima gets behind the wheel. Now all the team can do is sit and wait for the inevitable crash.
Lock on to the Exelero and fire!

Two missiles fire out of the Jaaaaaaaaag's side vents, hitting Katstein's Maybach. *KABLEEEEWM!* The rear end of the car lifts up from the force of the explosion and smoke appears from the undercarriage.

..Alright my job is done for the night, going to get some sleep.
Damn this Bvwall is making me dizzy! It's is also impossible to watch the hockey game while going round and round like this!
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