FinalGear Wacky Race #4 - RACE THREAD

ninjacoco

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I love the smell of barbequed moose in the mornin'.
 

Lupin_IV

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This is the live, hour one report from the coffin in Perfectly Legal Racing's support hearse. The team is making steady progress with no need to pit this early in the run, and the fire seems to have finally burned itself out.

For those of you wondering about the co-driver, appearing as T. Bear on the entry sheet, it is a grizzly, named Theodore Edward Bear, that Lupin has trained to drive and operate small arms.

This is Anonymous Tipster, signing off.
 

PaperBiro

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Back at P-Racing HQ:

Head of operations Dr. Radcliffe Jones is in co-command of operating the vehicle, alongside a Glorbibat called Hsaafqertrourldafthel, which is pronounced as "Frank".

The vehicle is now fast approaching the field of burning moose, which according to Frank is a problem.

"The engine won't run under exposure to burning moose," he said.

"Wha?"

"Long story. Something to do with the inventor's rowdy and eccentric neighbour's parties which he held every Saturday."

"So what now?"

"Change the course of trajectory. We have to go the long way."

"But that means driving through buildings!"
 

Matt2000

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"Dick, moose bits! Close the window!"

Bits of mangled moose bounce off the bodywork and splatter on the front. Dastardly's nose tells him something is up.

"What's that burning smell?"

"I think it's burning moose innards." I shout over the noise of the engine "Open your window again."
 

Cryptopygia

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Clay: Your repairs are making everything worse. The understeer is increasing!

Jessie: They aren't finished yet. They'll be done right about... now.

*The Cat, with it's newly repaired spoiler, nearly dives into the trees as the front downforce returns.*

Clay: There it is! What about the pulse rifles?

Jessie: They still need repairs. The moose bouncing off the front damaged the whole system. It'll take a while to repair.

*Jessie notices something approaching in the distance. Zooming in, shi can see it is a tan Land Rover. Splattered with moose innards*

Jessie: *opening up a firing slot through the rear window, readying hir DSDR14 for firing* Why hello there... *Lines up the Landy through the scope*
 

Matt2000

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Burning moose chunks on the engine have filled the cab with thick smoke, and I can't see where I'm going. Luckily I left my HenryPlus in the back from cleaning the dust off the superweapon. Henry quickly sucks up all the smoke, but I have no idea where he puts it all. There must be a black hole inside or something...
 

Cryptopygia

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Jessie: And a tricycle with a sawblade for a front wheel? Eh, whatever.

*Opens fire with armor piercing incendiary rounds*
 

Karoug

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"lowut, is somebody shooting at us"

"I'd say so sir"

"With incendiary rounds? Lucifer, could you show these fools why you are called the god of hellfire?"

"Of course"

*Mmwaaaahahaaaaa BURRRRNN!!!"
 

ninjacoco

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Awkward Freshman #9 in the pits: "Where the hell is Kimi's fridge?"
 

ninjacoco

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Topgearfanatic isn't up yet...hmmmmm......

{ makes a call to Team BDU to see about this magical fridge }
 

Karoug

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*answers* Do you have the squirrel? Good, it's time, set the plan in motion

"I have positioned the squirrel in their locker-room, should be a nasty surprise when they arrive!! Any luck with the fridge?"
 
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Cryptopygia

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Jessie: Oh crap! *Takes over control of the Cat to dodge the flames* What the hell is that thing?!

Clay: Crap, crap, crap, crap, CRAP!

*More dodging*

Jessie: Clay, can you handle yourself without me?

Clay: What do you think? I'm trying to dodge flames raining down from the sky, and you are my only defense!

Jessie: So you can handle yourself! *Jumps from the Cat, and takes flight to battle Lucifer, growing as shi travels. Clash of The Titans!*

Clay: Shit.
 

ninjacoco

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We have the fridge.

I repeat: we have the fridge.

I've sent Awkward Freshman #3 to make jello shots in an overly-complicated diffuser. #2 is setting up a tent 'round turn 17, where we're using some busted up remains of something to cook moose with. #8 is making queso.
 
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Karoug

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"Great!!! Also, have you seen Lucifer. I seem to have misplaced him"
 

Lupin_IV

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Perfectly Legal Racing hour three report - we've just pitted the car and Lupin has handed off the controls to T. Bear.
Lupin: Danica's first NASCAR race starts soon; I have to watch it.
...
Lupin: Oh, c'mon you know she's going to start some shit.
...Anyway, with the one hour race extension, we may have to make an extra stop for fuel. That doesn't matter so much because most of our weapons now count as tax write-offs. If any of our competitors are listening, you can expect heavy missile fire in the coming hours.

Once again, this is Anonymous Tipster, signing off from the coffin.
 

Cryptopygia

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Jessie: ^^"Oh, you mean our new hostage?"

*Long story short, the artificial demi-god beat the actual god of fire, who is now serving as Jessie's miniature servant*

Jessie: Even better, our weapons systems should be back online now. *Sits down in the co-drivers seat* I dare you to come get him!

*To hirself* Hmm, things actually seem to be going well now.

Clay: Apparently, the weather report is a blizzard in the next hour...

*The first few flakes descend*

Jessie: And I speak too soon...
 

Karoug

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Incoming message: "I have let myself be captured, When the blizzard is at it's most fierce i shall open a portal back home. End of transmission."

"Great, good help are hard to find these days, but Lucifer certainly is worth every cent i pay him. However I should get a move on so i can catch him when he pops back up!"
 
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