FinalGear Wacky Race #4 - RACE THREAD

LP

Your Brown Banana for Scale
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LP's car now surrounded by ducks is in a predicament.

We have to slow down! Damn that coco!

LP slows down to 15 mph to swerve among the ducks.

BILL GODDAMNIT why didn't you install an anti-duck shield?

Bill, now maxin and relaxin at a pool with some hot geeky science chicks, turns down the volume on the telecom.

Bill: "So, how about you ladies come back to my place and we can try to make some nuclear fusion".

The girls coo and LP's face somehow turns from brown to red as he steams up the telecom camera with more swears.

The autopilot continues to navigate through the ducks at 15.
 

Matt2000

An Unfortunate Discovery
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With a branch sticking out of the radiator, we have to stop and fix it with a box of eggs. While I'm doing that, Dick sets up a few cheese wires to catch out the stragglers and cyclists.
 

Cryptopygia

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*Clay swerves to avoid the reflected dark energy blast, which continues directly toward a car that looks like a Koenigsegg that ran through a flock of ducks. However, since the steering has been reversed, he ends up sailing off the road, and into a muddy field. The Cat sinks to it's undertray, the wheels spinning helplessly.*

Clay: What the hell?! Why the fuck did the wheels turn the opposite direction.

Jessie: Goddammit. I'm gonna have to repair that, and get the damn thing back on the road.

*The cooling system springs a leak. Steam pours out of the engine compartment*

Jessie: *Heads in hands* Jesus shitting Christ...

Clay: *In a nervous tone, while shutting the engine down* You'll... want to start lifting...
 

Topgearfanatic

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Kimi uncharacteristically chuckles DSRacing stuck in the mud. And is playing with one of the ducks that he picked up when he was serving around them.
 

racingfan1

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Due to a massive mis-communication between Team Owner and Secret Driver (or whatever the hell he's called today), Team RF1 get underway after a 6 hour delay.


Much catching-up is ahead.
 
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LP

Your Brown Banana for Scale
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As the crew of team doomhammer... erm sorry TEAM DOOMHAMMER! finish steering through the mile long stretch of ducks, they notice the dark energy blast heading towards their direction.

LP: BILL what do we do now?

Bill: No-one knows what dark energy really is!

LP: SO?

Bill: So don't worry about it!

As the gloomy dark wave comes into contact with the BBQKoenigseggCCXR, it pushes the car well past it's top speed and accelerates it far ahead of DSRracing, still stuck in the mud.

Lurker takes a sniff

LP: Ooh! Hey Bill, apparently Dark Energy smells like peppermint!

Bill: This is great, fantastic news! I'll become even more popular and revered when I write my paper on this!

LP: You mean when WE write the paper, right co-author?

Bill: Sorry KSSSSSSSSSSSSHT you're cutting off KSSSSSSSSSSSHT

LP: DAMN YOU BILL NYE THE SCIENCE GUY!
 

Karoug

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K: lucifer?

L: yes?

K: Where did you put the peppermint mouthwash?

L: i dunno, i must have dropped it...

K: Ok, do you think we should warn the others that frogs go mad when they smell it?

L: No, it'll be fine..

K: I guess. BTW: is that LP coming out of the wave of dark energy?

L: I believe so, is he followed by frogs?

K: Yes, and billions of them, poor guy he will be smothered in frogs! Oh well..
 
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Cryptopygia

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Jessie: Fuck! It was supposed to vaporize their car, NOT MAKE IT FASTER!

*Jessie finishes slogging through the mud, pushing the Cat back onto the road. Shi shakes off copious amounts of mud, while Clay waits for the cooling system to repair.*

Clay: Well, maybe this will cheer you up.

Jessie: What?

Clay: Just about a minute left til we can get going again.

Jessie: *leaning against the back of the Cat* Argh.

Clay: Can't you modify the nanites to work faster. I mean, they are based on yours.

Jessie: *Ponders for a bit, then lays a pair of fingers on the fender. A metallic liquid, looking not unlike mercury, but more watery in consistency, pools at hir fingertips. After a minute, the liquid metal spreads across the Cat, creating an invisible layer around each component. By this time, the cooling system has repaired itself. Jessie climbs back in, and grabs a towel to wipe off the remainder of the mud from hir armor* Okay, I've upgraded the self-repair system. Now can we get going?

Clay: *Flipping switches* Yes. *Presses the starter button*
 

Topgearfanatic

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Kimi has decided to make fun by firing the machine guns randomly off into he distance.
Pew-Pew-Pew-Pew-Pew-Pew-Pew-Pew-Pew-Pew-Pew-Pew-Pew-Pew-Pew-Pew-Pew-Pew-Pew-Pew-Pew-Pew-Pew-Pew-Pew-Pew-Pew-Pew-Pew-Pew-Pew-Pew.
 

LP

Your Brown Banana for Scale
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RIBBIT


RIIIIIIIBBBIT

BUD

WEIS

ERRRRRRR

LP: Crap, we're being swarmed! Get rid of the peppermint smell! Fart! Eat curry! Eat curry and fart I dunno!

Bill: You have to stop Karoug before he gets ahead

LP searches the trunk of the car and finds a guitar! He tosses it at Karoug who then becomes distracted by the rocking out to drive too far ahead of TEAM DOOMHAMMER.
 

Karoug

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K: Get coco on the the line!

L: Here she is sir!

K: Hey coco, remember the plan? Good, here we go!

K: HEY KIMI! DO YOU WANT SOME ICE-CREAM?!? mmmm tasty ice-cream!

*puts the box down beside the road and takes off with a screeching sawblade*

K: HA Kimi will never resist that! Now it's all up to coco!!


K: ooh a guitar! *stops tricycle and starts to play "Angel of death"*
 
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Topgearfanatic

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Pah he has ice cream in the fridge he has installed, no need for him to stop.
 

racingfan1

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After one hour of furious driving, we're still way, waaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyy behind.

At least we're making progress, it's surprising how fast you can drive when no one's shooting at you.
 

Cryptopygia

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Clay: Ahh, finally we can make up some ground.

Jessie: Hey Clay, remember how we killed Edward?

Clay: Of course I do.

Jessie: Well, I have an idea... *discusses idea*

Clay: *devilish grin* Do it.

*Jessie uses the Infinite Improbability Drive to bring Edward Cullen back from the dead, as well as all the fangirls and fanmoms who killed themselves after we killed him the first time. They all spontaneously reappear in the middle of the road someways down. All just begging to be run over.*

Jessie: Hopefully, their thick skulls will do some damage.

Clay: And you'll vaporize any in our path.

Jessie: Of course. :evil:
 
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Topgearfanatic

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Kimi shoots down all of the fantards in the way while muttering something about stupid people.
 
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Karoug

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K: Did you load the Vodka powered incinerator?

L: Yes!!

K: FIRE AT WILL!!

L: Who is this Will?

K: I mean: Burn as many fantards as you can! The saw-blade should take care of the rest!

*woooooooooooooosh scrapplecruschbonkbonkbonk*

K: Smells like burned chicken, tastes like it too..
 
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Cryptopygia

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*The Cat approaches the throng of retardedness*

Clay: Actually Jessie, don't vaporize them. Let's see just how many we can mow down.

Jessie: What about protecting the Cat?

Clay: I'll set the front spoiler to shield the front *Pulls out his DSDR14* Ready to have some fun? *Slaps in a drum magazine and dramatically chambers a round*

Jessie: *Readying hir own* Hell yeah.
 

ninjacoco

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Awkward Freshman Guy #1 via Team Radio, after about twelve fruity vodka drinks and 22 Jagerbombs: "Haaaaay Stig's pastel cousin, I love vodka, you love vodka? Yes you do."

Lavender Stig was not amused by this drunk-radio business. Anyway, AFG #1 continued...

"You know, this Kimi sounds haaaaawt. You think she's available? I like hot Finnish chicks. They can slap me with whatever they want in the sauna, you know it, baby."

Obviously awkward freshman dudes don't know much about Finnish names. Either way, trainwrecks like this are quite fun to watch when you're on your *hiccup* fifth gin and tonic or so.

"I WANT KIMI'S BOOBS IN MY FACE! YOU HEAR ME? BOOBS IN MY FACE! Wait, you're probably a girl with the lavender suit and all, can you rub my boobs in your face?"

AFG #1 didn't even realize that was backwards. Haha.

"You know what? I bet she doesn't like roosters..."

This enraged Lavender Stig. (Well, that and the drunkard who usurped the radio while ninjacoco was having a s***.)

Roosters are Lavender Stig's favorite animal.

"...but I *hiccup* still *hiccup* wanna show 'er my cock baby! bring 'er here *burp*" rambled the drunk freshman.

Enough is enough, I say. Time to punch AFG #1 in the balls and get my team radio back.
 

ninjacoco

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Not-a-not-a-dude Lavender Stig, mistaking Awkward Freshman Guy #1's lame pick-up line as a call to arms, fires up the jet engines again.

PPPPPPPPPPPPHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The sheer force of the high speed and the WPOS's epic, almost Volvolike blockiness propel the car through the throng of twitards, leaving a few extra-crispy from the burning jets.

One would've gotten caught in the grill, but the impenetrable bouncyshield is still up and running. Thus, the wayward twitard ended up bouncing into Karoug's lap.
 
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