FinalGear Wacky Race #4 - RACE THREAD

Karoug

Techno Viking
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Apr 5, 2006
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Sweden
Car(s)
Scooter power!!
K: WHAT WAS THAT?!?

L: I think it was Scuderia Ankbajs!

K: They ripped my pants off

L: I see... *vomits*

K: Dammit!

L: *Vomits more*

K: Pull yourself together, this is not the worst thing you've seen me doing...

L: Sorry sir.

K: Time to break out our secret weapon.

L: Are you sure sir?

K: No.

L: Ok.

K: ...............

L: Sir?

K: IT'S TIME!!

L: You are the boss!

K: BRING OUT THE QUAD-CANNED BEERHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It shall propel is into LUDICROUS SPEED!!!

*gulp*

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

K: Shit, this is some crazy stuff!!
 
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Matt2000

An Unfortunate Discovery
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Feb 17, 2006
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Four from the top and two from the third row, GB.
Car(s)
2020 Tesla Model 3, 1990 Discovery 1 Bobtail
DD: "We're falling behind."

Matt: "I know, but we have a way to catch up. Get the Hyneman out."

Dick opens a wooden box and takes out a Hyneman, a cloned human that has been killed and a jet engine inserted. They're by special order only. The Hyneman is pointed out the back of the Tin Tiger and switched on. Suddenly the front wheels are up in the air and the scenery is a blur.
 

racingfan1

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Feb 13, 2007
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Location
Hendersonville, TN USA
After some more catching up, we are finally beginning to see glimpses of the other competitors. We are readying our defenses (read: ancient wooden shield we found on the way to the track), and our beer can cannon is being loaded.

We expect to be caught up with whatever the hell's going on within the hour.
 

PaperBiro

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Jul 7, 2008
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4,157
Car(s)
a Veloster
P-Racing has spent the past few hours driving through assorted buildings, trees, cliffs, people, poles, and the like, causing ?1.2 million pounds worth of damage in the process. We plan to pay it all by commercialising our alien technology, provided anyone is prepared to buy it, which no-one has done so far.

Luckily, this has meant we have taken a shortcut and we are in contention with the lead pack.
 

Cryptopygia

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Feb 19, 2007
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3,605
Location
The Eastern state where you can't fill your tank
Car(s)
Whichever car is still working
The Cat crests the final hill before descending into the crowd of twats. As teenage girls bounce off the front spoiler, clearing the roof of the Cat, Clay and Jessie entertain themselves by opening fire on the crowd, with Jessie operating both all the pulse rifles and warp cannons, as well as hir DSDR14, with Clay simply holding the trigger on his full-auto version. Between the bloodshed, they enter a game of quoting Team Fortress 2 characters, with perfect imitations (near-perfect in Jessies case: Hir artificial voicebox gives hir speech a subtle tinny sound, in addition to not-so-subtle chirps when it comes on and offline. Shi also never bothers with imitating the Heavy; shi has hir own Russian accent)

Clay: Oh hey! You suck!*

Jessie: Beeehh! Uuwaaaahhh! *maniacal laughter* Cry some more!

Clay: This is my world! You are not welcome in my world!

Jessie: They're goin' to bury what's left of ye in a soup can!

Clay: Nothing personal, I just had to shut you up.

Jessie: It looks like Dummkopffest.

Clay: *While earning a perfect headshot on Edward* Standin' around like a bloody idiot!

And so on...

*Fun fact: I've always imagined Clay as having Nathan Vetterlein's voice
 

PaperBiro

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Jul 7, 2008
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4,157
Car(s)
a Veloster
In unrelated news, the Glorbipod is currently being attacked by a scary spaceship fleet. Just our luck.
 

LeMans GTR

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Dec 20, 2006
Messages
4,910
Okay race has started but what are you going to do when everyone's still have drunk on champagne and vodka? Drink more of course! But this time mixed with coffee!

"Okay...hmm.....(checks time) HOLY SHIT; FUCK!. THE RACE HAS STARTED EVERYONE!
(Phone Rings)....
"Hello?"
"It's Echo; we're being peppered left right and center, there was always some moose canon and some beer canon thing"
"Okay, just fire a portal where you are and we can fire the blue portal to your place..mmkay?"
"Get here quick; I can't hold them off forever!"
"Lara!"
"What?"
(turns around to see her already fully dressed and in the car)
"oh"
"I run over to the car with my jacket slung over my back, hair all messed up and barefoot..carrying my shoes in one hand and trying to balance a coffee mug on the other. I step into the car
" Drive"

5mins..

"you clean up well..."
"damn straight"
"Hey LeMans; fire the blue portal"

The car races through and appears behind the support vehicle.

"I see them in the distance"
" Quite" says Lara
" Shut up"
Oh look what do we have here? Metal bridge...I see competitors.
Echo! Fire a portal onto the other side of the bridge. (Plonk...the portal has been fired)
"Fire the missiles!"

Two missiles fire out of the front grille and into the bridge, freezing it over. After the first two competitors drive over; it cracks and buckles under its weight and begins to fall, cars slipping off into the icy water below. Meanwhile we burst through the portal on the other side.
 

PaperBiro

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a Veloster
The people responsible for the cock-up are now on a spaceship to become black hole fodder.

Partly due to some interference from DSRacing's Infinite Improbability Drive, the guy who was sucked into a black hole has ended up through a wormhole into a planet of hyper-intelligent, pan-dimensional beings.

Guy sucked into black hole (aside): "Ugh. That was like a bad hangover. Where am I?"

In the distance, there was a giant stone head. They referred to it as "Deep Thought".

Deep Thought: "The answer is... 42."

Guy sucked into black hole (aside): "42? I'm 42 years old!"

Having read Hitchhikers, he waited until most people had left, and appeared infront of Deep Thought to announce to the people that were still there.

Guy sucked into black hole: "People! Stop and listen! I'm 42 years old!"

Immediately, everyone began bowing down to him.

"I come from the distant future! Fate has brought me here! Come with me, and I'll seek my revenge!"

And hence, the Earth is in danger of being blown up into smithereens. Again.
 
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racingfan1

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Feb 13, 2007
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Location
Hendersonville, TN USA
After a good half-hour of steadily catching the lead competitors, we have finally caught the lead pack!

Our current plan is to stay near the back, watch the other competitors, and plan an attack that would be most effective with our weaponry.

Currently, we plan to attack everyone susceptible to alcohol with our beer cans.

Er, disregard that. That wasn't supposed to be known.
 

Topgearfanatic

is a Queen
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Jul 3, 2008
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MA
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2002 Audi A4 1.8t
Kimi doesn't like beer, only vodka so we are at an advantage! He is currently pitted to refill the fridge.
 
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PaperBiro

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a Veloster
Dr. Jones: "We have a problem: the road ahead is full of potholes due to spaceship laser guns and twilight fans due to DSRacing, and we don't want to risk any more debts from damage."

Frank: "Screw the debts and lawsuits, they're twitards. KILL KILL KILL"

EDIT: Has anyone seen this: http://www.rolls-royce.150m.com/royal/indexen.html

The FG Wacky Races has managed to make it on some Rolls Royce fansite!
 
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Cryptopygia

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The Eastern state where you can't fill your tank
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Whichever car is still working
And just when you thought it couldn't get more zany...

Clay: Uh, Jessie? The GPS is telling me we have to race through an army training ground.

Jessie: You're joking.

Clay: I'm not. It says that we have to turn onto and race across an active public highway for about 100 miles, then through the training ground, then the highway again.

Jessie: Well, the army grounds shouldn't be too bad, for us at least. I mean, we're both fairly high ranking officials in the U.S. Army, so we can potentially get through.

Clay: It also says that they are performing a live fire training exercise. And that they don't know that we're coming.

Jessie: Please tell me you're making that up.

Clay: I wish I was.

Jessie: *Checks hir race notes* I'll start bulletproofing the Cat...

Yes, we're now going to get the innocent motoring public involved, and then become wanted fugitives of the country! (And by we, I mean every competitor in the Wacky Race, not just DSRacing)
 
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Karoug

Techno Viking
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Location
Sweden
Car(s)
Scooter power!!
K: WHERE THE HELL ARE WE?!?!?

L: I told you that this might be an issue...

K: What? When? Where?

L: 3 weeks ago...

K: What was i doing then?

L: Beer, and trying to get into LP's pants..

K: oooh, now where are we?

L: 3 days from where we are supposed to be...

K: ?

L: We traveled forward in time...

K: ?

L: Have a beer while i get us back..

K: oooh beer! :beer:
 

racingfan1

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Feb 13, 2007
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Location
Hendersonville, TN USA
After learning of one of our competitor's weakness to vodka, we at Team RF1 have stopped at a liquor store and bought them out. The contents of the store are currently being loaded into the Escort, and the beer-can cannon is being modified to fire the new ammo.

A test firing will, of course, be aimed straight at Kimi.
 

LP

Your Brown Banana for Scale
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Apr 24, 2006
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East-Timor, USA
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206 HP N/A washing machine
After hours of driving through the peppermint-hating frogs, TEAM DOOMHAMMER eventually clears it out with a stop over at an Indian restaurant.

LP: Damn, I just opened up the Biryani and all the frogs ran away. This is potent stuff

TEAM DOOMHAMMER has a long way to go to catch up to the rest of the pack.

LP settles in and focuses on driving as fast and efficiently as possible.
 

Topgearfanatic

is a Queen
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MA
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2002 Audi A4 1.8t
Damn, we must up our shields!
"Doctor, I mean John, up the shields on the car next stop"
"Gotchya"
 

Karoug

Techno Viking
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Apr 5, 2006
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Sweden
Car(s)
Scooter power!!
L: I know how to get us back!

K: grrrrrrrreaaat, letschgodude

L: I think i'll pedal..

K: good idea.. i'll sit in the back and sober up...

*bbzzzhhhh*

L: We respawned outside a restaurant, wanna get something to eat?

K: Wait I schmell eLPee, They can't be faraway.. *sneeze*

L: You wanna go after him..

K: Iz the death-o-matic operational?

L: Indeed...

K: You pedal, i'll shoot..
 

LP

Your Brown Banana for Scale
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Apr 24, 2006
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East-Timor, USA
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206 HP N/A washing machine
Tired of being on the defensive, LP preps the sheep launcher.

"Get some lambs in here!" he calls out to his assistant, who magically appeared out of the box labeled "silverware".

Asst.: "Coming right up sir"
LP: I love it when they call you with respect.
Asst.: "Ok Mr. Douchebag, the launcher is ready"
LP: And that is exactly why you're underpaid. Aim at the drunken naked sexy swedish guy over there.

Asst.: "Aimed and ready"
LP: FIRE!


LP:...

LP: What's wrong?
Asst: Sir he's too sexy sir, I can't do it.
LP: Oh god damnit gimme that!

And with that LP fires several spring lambs at Karoug's vehicle.
 

Karoug

Techno Viking
Joined
Apr 5, 2006
Messages
6,478
Location
Sweden
Car(s)
Scooter power!!
K: LUNCH INCOMING!!

L: OM NOM NOM!!

K: LP is so nice, even in a time like this he gets us something to eat! Raw spring lambs!

L: I think is see him!

K: Steady now...

*A loud CHRAAAAAAAAAAKBOOOOOOOOOWOOOOM pierces through the air as Captain K fires the "death-o-matic" at TEAM DOOMHAMMER*

K: May they rest in pieces!
 
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