FinalGear Wacky Race #4 - RACE THREAD

ninjacoco

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Upon noticing that all the other teams fell asleep, Fluffy Bunny, Eater of Souls, hits a switch.

{ BOOM }

That is all. APRacing and Team BDU seem to have fallen to the side of the road for now. Either that or jetpoweredlavenderstig! is just that fast.

All we know is...penis.

Yes.

Penis.
 

Lupin_IV

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about 10 miles north of Carlisle, PA
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'84 Pontiac Parisienne, '93 Chevy Caprice
With six hours to go, Lupin has been told that he should be racing rather than watching anime.

Lupin: I have a bear capable of driving and firing a submachine gun at the same time as my co-driver and a mobile missile platform as a support vehicle. Does it really matter all that much what I do at this point in the race?

...Er, well...You should at least get ready to make the second to last pitstop before you're out of fuel.

Lupin: Do I have to open that coffin and show everyone who you really are?

No, sir, please don't.
 

Matt2000

An Unfortunate Discovery
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After stopping for fuel, I'm back in the driving seat as Dastardly takes a nap. It seems that our long range fuel tanks just aren't big enough.

I'm not sure where we are in the pack because there are no cars around. I drve into a dark tunne, it seems odd that there are no lights in there. I switch on the Tin Tigers headlights. All is quiet for a few minutes, until...

*SCREEEEE*

We skid to a halt. Dick bumps his head and wakes up. in front of us, a train has fallen through the weak concrete from the line that runs above the road. Nobody is around, and the place is very eery. Suddenly, one of the door handles starts to move...
 

LeMans GTR

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Have fun you guys; I have zero chance of winning unless I wake up in the night to finish and besides....somehow not as interesting this time anyway.

Good luck!
 

Karoug

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K: That little twerp! We shall show him...

L: Indeed, one more soul for my collection..

K: Just be quick about it..

L: OM NOM NOM NOM!

K: eeeuu, there's blood everywhere.. Atleast we won't see Lemans GTR again...
 

Topgearfanatic

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The autopilot is switched off and kimi is back at the wheel with a tank full of fresh fuel, we set into the final stretch of the race. And missiles aimed at the scuderia are launched for delaying us.
 
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Matt2000

An Unfortunate Discovery
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2020 Tesla Model 3, 1990 Discovery 1 Bobtail
After taking several hours waiting for the sinister door to open, we're bored stupid but finally it swings open all the way, and a rabid Smurf leaps out.

Matt: "Quick, get him with the laser!"

Dick fires the laser and the smurf is fried to a crisp.

DD: "Well that was an anticlimax"
Matt: "But how do we get out of the tunnel?"
DD: "We'll cut our way out!"

Dick grabs the bolt cutters and starts nibbling through the body of the train.

Matt: "Careful, that's the sewage line! Too late."

Turds flow out on to the road. We decide it's time to get back in the 109 and ram through the rest of the train. I take a long run up and smash into the wreck, smashing it in two. A shard of metal comes through the windscreen, shattering one side and blinding Dastardly.

DD: "Shit!"
Matt: "Just a flesh wound."

We speed out of the tunnel and find the skies full of smoke and planes. We've somehow crossed into 1943.

Matt: "Time travel, I'm sure this has happened before!"

A bomb narrowly misses the Tin Tiger as it speeds down the long stretch of road towards another tunnel. It's hard to tell which country this is, but from the sound of the planes I determined that they we're German planes and this was Britain. Dick, despite not being able to see, is mesmerised by the atmosphere, but it's over very quickly as we speed into the next short tunnel.

As we exit the tunnel, we join a main road, clouting a tricycle and swerving around the road to try and balance the car. I have no idea what position we're in, but we're back in the race. We just have to watch out for the other teams' dirty tactics...
 

Cryptopygia

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Clay: *Yawn* I'm back. How'd everything go, Jessie?

Jessie:: *Slightly bedraggled* Fine, fine.

Clay: Anything important I missed?

Jessie: Nope. You also woke up just in time for the Army base stretch.

Clay: Shit.
 

Karoug

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K: It's the final hour! We better get a move on!

L: *BUURP* mmm Souls tastes nice...

K: Alright move over, i'll pedal!

L: I'll shoot!! Oh i think i saw someone!! *CHUGGACHUGGACHUGGA*

K: Did you hit anything?

L: No i don't think so.
 

ninjacoco

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I didn't realize the impenetrable bouncyshield was still up. The missile bounces off our giant bubble and lands in the giant pile of crap.

"Ew," I said, holding Fluffy over my nose. It smells like burnt turds.

Fluffy hops out of my hands and over to the satellite feed tracking Lavender Stig's location. He's been moving pretty fast, all right...in the wrong direction. Somehow he'd ended up in Scotland.

"Yooooooooouuuuuuu fool!" I screamed over the team radio. "Get the haggis out of your pants and get back on the track!"

Stiglet turns around, switches the car into submarine mode, and dives into the ocean. He decides to send a whale to the roof of ShotHouse's truck using the black hole thingamabob...for the lulz.

Within moments, the world's dumbest Stig is back on track, making a few final flying laps to catch up.
 

ninjacoco

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Ankbajs to race control: Does it smell like turds?
 

Karoug

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K: OOhh.. Finish time @ 17:00 Completely forgot that..

L: Any more souls out there?

K: Not at the moment...

L: Shame..

K: ....

L: I'm hungry.
 

Cryptopygia

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The GPS flashes a "Turn right" signal. The field snakes onto an offramp leading onto a narrow road fenced in by a chain-link fence, topped with barbed wire.

Clay: You did bulletproof the Cat, right?

Jessie: Yes, I did.

A large olive drab truck appears around a bend. As the field passes, the driver can be seen hurriedly shouting into a radio.

Clay: I think they now know we're coming...

A few more snakes and curves, and a HUMVEE approaches, filled with alerted soldiers, who are armed. They open fire, bullets ricocheting off the Cat.

Clay & Jessie: Shit!

The field approaches a checkpoint, bristling with the guns of armed guards.

Clay: Well, no turning back now... *Puts the Cat in ramming mode*

The field approaches. Gunfire ceases as the guards realize the intruders won't stop. They abandon their posts as the field bear down on the barriers blocking the road...

Yes, we are now breaking into an active army base, and racing through a live fire training exercise. Fun!
 

Karoug

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K: Give coco a call.

L: Here she is sir..

K: So here the new plan.. I'll attack team APRacing with everything i have including bad breath and smelly farts!
 
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ninjacoco

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Team Principal Fluffy Bunny, Eater of Souls, scratches her head at the slightly burnt Ankbajs pits.

"I wonder who we still need to annihilate?" she thought. "And more importantly...who's been eating all the souls?!"

The Puffalump was hungry.

Awkward Freshman Guy #4, still hungover from whatever he swigged from Kimi's fridge, spews forth a sea of vomit onto the track.

Fluffy was mad. She really wanted to win this thing. She nods to me. I pick up the team radio...
 

Karoug

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K: They have set the trap for APRacing. Now Lucy BRING LIGHT!!!

L: Don't call me lucy!

K: I'm sorry... Please do what you do?

L: Yes!!

*A bright flash of light completely blinds Team APRacing*

K: Now coco! GET THE FRIDGE!!
 

ninjacoco

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Not realizing that this could be a trap and definitely not learning anything from yesterday, Awkward Freshman Guy #4 stumbles forth from the pits to swipe the fridge.

AFG #4: "Party in the parking lot! Whooooooooooo! *vomits*"


I really have no control over the Awkward Freshmen anymore. They're hopeless.
 
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Karoug

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K: She has it!! Now we must take part in whatever is in it! And blast APRacing with the death-o-matic will you..

L: I'm sensing a trap...
 

ninjacoco

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Meanwhile, Fluffy and I realize this is no time for partying. Lavender Stig comes in for a pit, where Q and the pit crew affix the leftover dead moose to the top of the car so we can speed past the Glorbipod with no problems. Bouncyshield's up, time to go.
 
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