FinalGear Wacky Race #4 - RACE THREAD

ninjacoco

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Stiglet knocks the back of the car out around a turn as he lights the jet engines. The engines burn the midsection of a huge tree, making it fall over. The huge evergreen and its assorted woodland creatures now block the path of whoever's behind us...mwahahahahaa.

Back to the straight. LS floors it, cruising easily past the Glorbipod, which loses power at the smell of the moose. It bounces off the bouncyshield and into the parking lot, killing Awkward Freshman Fridge Thief #4.

Lucifer eyes the corpse longingly. "Mmmm, fresh soul." The perfect distraction...

I make a last-minute call over the team radio: "It's time."

Lavender Stig flips a switch, releasing none other than Nelson Piquet Jr. out of the WPOS's trunk and onto the track.

"Where is ze kittycat?" he said, rubbing the spot where his bum hit the pavement.
 

Karoug

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K: Alright coco, %/&%&/"?%& WHAFU?? WHO RAN US OFF THE ROAD?

L: *mmm fresh souls for the evergrowing army of the undead* What? ooh it was PLR..

K: BLAST THEM WITH THE DEATH-O-MATIC!! *raeeeeg*
 

Cryptopygia

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Bullets upon bullets bouncing off the Cat, Clay and Jessie realize there is no way the Cat will survive.

Clay: DO SOMETHING!

The world wavers again, and the Cat suddenly reappears back in the fray, who had not taken the route through the army barracks.

Clay: That works.

Jessie: You're welcome.

Directly in front of the Cat is a certain useless Brazilian, sheer horror plastered on his face as the Cat barrels directly at him...
 

Matt2000

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Evergreens are no match for british engineering. No, wait. We pile into the trees, and unfortunately one large branch takes Dick's head off in the process. Now he's just a quivering body. But the head is still with us!
 

ninjacoco

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Fluffy Bunny rubs her paws together back in the pits.

"Eeeeeeexcellent," she thought.

Back at the car, Lavender Stig decides to try out another secret weapon: the cow-ray. Everything it shoots turns to moocow.

LS aims the cow-ray at the back of Lupin's car...Lupin swerves...and it hits the teddy bear.

"MOOOOO!" said the bearcow, making an obscene gesture at LS with his hooves.
 

Lupin_IV

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Lupin: This is getting crazy!

How do you think I feel after this car took most of the impact from the death-o-matic?

Lupin: Quiet, Walter! You've already been dead once!

I told you not to use my real name!
 

ninjacoco

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Pleased with the results of the cow-ray, Lavender Stig points it at another target: Team RF1. They're not paying attention, sooooooo...

{ zap! }

The beer can gun turns to an adorable drunken moocow.
 

Karoug

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K: Is RG in the race?

L: I don't think so, why do you ask?

K: I can see her, set the sawblade to extra metal and let her have it!

L: This will be messy...

*screeecchhsplaush*

K: She should have joined the race..
 
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Cryptopygia

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Clay: Jessie, can you do something to shake the race up?

Jessie: Certainly.

*Approaching an overpass, Jessie leans out of the cockpit and plants a pair of portals both over and under Scuderia Ankbajs, sending them into an infinite loop of falling.

Jessie makes sure to give them a quadruple middle finger salute*
 

ninjacoco

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Suddenly the cow-ray shoots out of control. It hits a tree, a dead moose, an outhouse, LurkerPatrol's left nipple, a floral arrangement, a couple of snowmen, and the awkward freshman vomit on the track. The track is now covered with cows.

Panicking, Lavender Stig sets the car on autopilot to dismantle the cow-ray. He gives it a swift kick in the ray gun testicles and it falls apart. That was simple enough.

But wait...nooooooo! The car is headed for the field of cows!

The cows bounce off the bouncyshield and all over the place: into the pits, onto Richmondgal's car, in LeMans GTR's lunch, and most annoyingly: into the main bathroom for the pits.

Great. Now we'll all have to hold it 'til the toilet's fixed. Or use a Nalgene bottle. Eeeeeeew.
 

racingfan1

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After another mis-communication, this time between Team Owner's hands and the crappy number pad on his phone, he barely wakes up in time to participate in the finish of the race. The car is falling apart, from what, the night-team won't say.

Now that we have our best driver back behind the wheel, he promptly runs into the back of Scuderia Ankbajs. Our alcohol-cannon has suddenly started mooing and hitting on the driver.


Things could get ugly.
 

Karoug

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K: It's team RF1!

L: Should i bring out the Vodka powered incinerator?

K: Let me do it!

L: ok

K: HEY RF1! WANT A DRINK? of flames
 

ninjacoco

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As he climbed back into the sunroof of the WPOS, Lavender Stig noticed that the car was falling. And falling. And falling.

Aw, crap. Not Scotland again?

This was a different kind of falling.

Team Radio to Faaaaabulous Stig: "Can you find a way to use the black hole thingamabob on our own car?"

It was a long shot, but it was worth a try. Lavender Stig pointed the black hole gun at the center of the car.

{ zzzzzzzaaaaapboing! }

The car was back on track, this time in front of DSRacing.

Just in case, LS aims the black hole thingamadoodlebob at Nelsinho.

{ twap! }

Piquet Jr. lands right in the middle of Team RF1's car.

"Well, hello there, Mr. Cow." said the useless Brazilian. "Moo moo, baby. Moo moo."

As the Brazilian starts whispering sweet nothings to a mooing piece of artillery, Lavender Stig kicks the jet engines back into super-over-hyper-pantsless-drive.
 

Matt2000

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With blood still pouring from Dick Dastardly's flailing body we speed towards the finish. The engine is starting to fall apart and is spewing expensive oil all over the track. A mixture of blood and oil can be very slippery.
 

Lupin_IV

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Lupin weaves through obstacles as a bear with a cow's head leans out the window firing a pair of Uzis in an attempt to gain position.
 

Cryptopygia

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Clay: Oh no, you don't...

At ramming speed, Clay slams the Cat into the back of Scuderia Ankbajs, knocking the black hole thingamajig onto the track.

The shock of the fall causes a black hole to form, which continuously grows and eats up more and more of the planet.

Clay: Oh shit...
 
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