FinalGear Wacky Race #4 - Sign-up Thread

Captains log, stardate 666

So after 3 days of excessive beerdrinking, that seriously persistent reporter from ALD finally got the better of me and i accidentally unearthed our racing vehicle from a shallow grave:
http://img134.imageshack.**/img134/522/tricycle.jpg

Something tells me a redesign might be necessary, because of Parkinson's..
 
Fluffy's interviewing drivers as we speak (because I'm still not allowed to touch the car).

The back end has been recently stuffed with a slightly salty Bugatti engine that we caught on a fishing trip down near Houston. Got it working. Sounds beautiful. We don't need no freakin' seats back there.

Consequently, Black Stig turned down our offer to drive it, as he's afraid the engine would want to return to the sea (with him in it). Crap.

Not a good start. Off to see if Q is around to make the car watertight and submersible, then...just in case.

- can't swim, either
 
Found alone in the streets, cuddling up next to a warm fire in a barrel, LurkerPatrol rubbed his hands and thought pensively about his previous Wacky Race.

"I can't believe I forgot to race". "We had the car, the fame, the reputation, the girls, the sheep launcher, the BBQ sauce". "We had it all".

Then, somewhere out in the distance, a faint voice could be heard. "LURKIN PETROL?".

It was none other than Bill Nye the Science Guy!

"Bill it's LurkerPatrol goddamnit".

"Sorry man, hey what are you doing out in the middle of nowhere? Shouldn't you be racing?"

"I freaking forgot to go last time, I had the car set up and ready to go, GMAN was afk and so I was going to run the race in his name and I FREAAAKING FORGOTT".

"Well invest in a goddamned alarm clock and a calendar. You do know how calendars work right?"

"Yes yes, we've all seen the damn show Bill, I don't need to hear another lecture from you".

"Well then great! Let's get you out of here, the sign-up for the next wacky race is almost coming to a close. Only 1 week left!"

"I dunno Bill, I can't do it."

"Shut up now, you've done it before. Just reach down deep into your pants, and you'll find the inspiration".

At that point Lurker puts his hand deep into his pants, searching fervently.

There, he found the keys to his old car! The BBQKoenigseggCCXRSheepLaunchingXL55 TURBO!

So with his confidence renewed and the fire in a barrel snuffed out, he and bill walked over to the FinalGear Wacky Race sign up located in scenic Bill's bathroom.

"I may have forgotten last time, but I went to the 99 cent store and got me a calender with chihuahuas on it. I'm freaking unstoppable now".

Team LurkerPatrol, in the memory of Gman, signs up for Wacky Race #4
 
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This thread always makes me smile :D you guys have fantastic imaginations

Then why not join us. All imaginations are welcome!

(And we need the extra participants)
 
I've decided to join!!!
Official press release:
APRacing said:
Yes, we have decided to race. We will race using an MP4-25 chassis using a Honda RA109A 3.5 V10. Don't ask how we got the chassis, it involves a photocopier. Don't ask Kimi what a photocopier is, he doesn't know either. Shit, we just revealed one of our drivers, didn't we? We were going to get Kimi, my cousin Kimi but she is 7 and probably wouldn't see over the steering wheel. We have equipped our car with JATO rockets and RPGs, gotta love Military surplus stores. We also managed to master the forces of the universe and have control over time and space with the help of a blue box and some man named John Smith, he's cool though and has a "Sonic Screwdriver," sounds like a sex toy but apparently it isn't. We're kind of rambling now so we'll leave you with this: You are not alone.
 
Well well; one week of preparation to go before it happens. Staff at veloceRACING feel like the rally is beginning to run dry, so much so we might pull out if this year's race isn't as spectacular as the first two were. But alas we continue to prepare but since we've pretty much finished (we've been working on it since July) we're just sitting back. I've made a call to Lara and she says she'll be good to come in after the repairs to her house are done..after it was blown up....AGAIN. Ah well she makes money from her games with her BFFs Natla and Amanda so we shan't worry.

So on with the Alfa then..we've included a couple of new extras

- A new hyperthrust system but this time it lets you control how much you want eg. if you want just a slight burst you tap it once and if you want it to unleash all fury you hold it down.
- New weaponary. FIRE ZE MISSILES! They've been stole....*ahem acquired from a prototype Euro fighter but have been added with a little nitrogen kick so that hell really does freeze over; also makes the roads slippery for others.and oh the coffee machine's been washed out but I dunno if someone put Starbucks in it; Lara hates Starbucks and she might kill us if we put it in
 
Bringing the entry list to this page:

1. CrazyRussian540 - Team CrzRsn
Car: CrzRsn ZiL 41047 Liftback v2.0

2. American TG Man - DSRacing
Car: Caterpillar 450E

3. PaperBiro - P-Racing
Car: Glorbipod

4. Lupin_IV - Perfectly Legal Racing
Car: 1987 GAZ-M14 (GAZ-M13B Chaika as support vehicle)

5. LeMans GTR - veloceRACING
Car: Alfa Romeo Tipo 33 Stradale

6. matt2000 - ShotHouse Racing
Car: 109" Land Rover (With 7.3l V12 Aston Martin engine)

7. Karoug - Team BDU
Car: unconventional scrapyard tricycle

8. ninjacoco - NA/TBC
Car: Krista's Mercedes-Benz C-Class W202

9. racingfan1 - Team RF1
Car: 1992 Ford Escort Wagon

10. Donington - Team Parklife
Car: Ford Granada Coupe

11. LurkerPatrol - TEAM DOOMHAMMER(!!!!!!!!)
Car: BBQKoenigseggCCXRSheepLaunchingXL55 Turbo

12. Topgearfanatic - APRacing
Car: McLaren MP4/25 chassis + Honda RA109A 3.5 V10

13. Richmondgal (possible entry depending on chosen date) - RG's Racing
Car: TBC
 
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Still deciding on a name. Thus far, all we've decided is that we probably can't get away with "Silver Dildos" before the imaginary Wacky Race watershed.

Been too busy ordering more moose bait. Lots and lots of moose bait. Do you have any idea how hard it is to track down this much moose bait with only a week's notice?
 
We here at Team RF1 have finished up stuffing the Cossie engines into the Escorts and are now placing the backup cars near where we think we'll break down/be destroyed. Also, since we think 3 cars won't be enough, we've bought 4 more Escorts, 2 more Cossie motors, and 2 Yamaha 3.4L SHO motors, as Cosworth said we couldn't have any more on such short notice. The extra cars should be ready by the time the race is over.

Also, since no one else has made an offer on the Nucleon, Richmondgal can have it if she wants it, as it's taking up much-needed living room space and needs to go.

This thread always makes me smile :D you guys have fantastic imaginations

:lol: You must have missed my participation. :p
 
Important announcement from Race Control:

Due to circumstances, the race MAY be delayed by one week. If you come onto the forum at 3:55 CET on Saturday and see that the race thread has not been created, do not panic. It is the signal that the race has been pushed back one week.

It is relatively unlikely, but new scheduling conflicts have introduced a small likelihood of this happening.
 
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Disaster at the DSRacing headquarters!

Clay: *On his knees, rummaging through his office* Oh come on, where the hell are they...

*enter Jessie. Clay doesn't notice*

Jessie: Clay?

Clay: *mumble mumble curse*

Jessie: Clay?

Clay: *curse mumble curse*

Jessie: Clay!

Clay: What?!

Jessie: What are you looking for?

Clay: I'm sorry?

Jessie: What are you looking for?

Clay: Oh. My hearing aids*. I took them off so I could nap. Now I can't find them.

Jessie: Where did you leave them?

Clay: This pile of folders. *points to folders*

Jessie: *under breath* Oh, bloody hell. I'll help you look for them.

Clay: Huh?

Jessie: I'LL HELP YOU LOOK FOR THEM!

Clay: *cheeky grin* I heard you the first time. I just wanted to have some fun.

Jessie: You can be a real bastard sometimes.

Clay: Huh?

Jessie: You heard me.

*Fun fact (and a recent character addition) I keep forgetting to mention: Clay is actually partially deaf. His hearing is right about at the level of a human senior citizen. So he uses hearing aids to get them his hearing up to where it should be. (They were modified by Jessie to give him perfect hearing (for a cat) when they're in.)
 
Bill Nye and LurkerPatrol gather at the UN to discuss important business.

LP: "Aight gentlemen, waddup Kofi my dawg" *African-American High-five's Kofi* *On the flipside*
Kofi: "Word"
LP: "Gentlemen we've reached an important juncture that could decide the fate of the world as we know it"

The french ambassador mutters "Sacre bleu"
The spanish ambassador mutters "Dios Mio"
The Indian ambassador continues to eat the free cookies and drink the free tea.

LP: "We need a name for our FinalGear Wacky race team"

CNN: Due to the boring nature of this discussion we will now fast-forward the tape to reveal to you the final name.

*speeds tape up forward, all voices sound like Alvin and the Chipmunks*

Bill Nye: And so from now on, our wacky race team will be called "TEAM DOOMHAMMER"

*crowd cheers*
*ladies take their shirts off*
*The Indian ambassador, with his face full of cookies says "vat?"*
 
*Phone rings*
Scotty Mcduckduck gets out of bed and finds his burger telephone under the bed.

"Wha-da-hell-du-ya-want?-Dis-four-in-da-mornin-"

"Hey! what did I say about proper English?"

"Richmondgal!? Oh uh, sorry about that,"

"No worries. Listen, just got a bulletin from the Wacky Races,"

"I thought you were over that shit,"

"I was until I saw they might delay it by a week,"

"A week? That means you can..."

Richmondgal nods.

"But where's the Monaro?"

"Good question, Mcduckduck. Where did you put the Monaro?"

"Erm...can I call you back later?"

"No I won't hang up until you-"

*Scotty hangs up and goes back to sleep*
 
Reuters said:
Team Parklife Resurrected

After last year's race left the bitter taste of the Tesco Value Vodka of Failure, it has been revealed that original Wacky Races veteran team, 'Team Parklife', is back in business. Original co-driver Tyrone still has a year left at Her Majesty's pleasure, so a new co-driver has been announced...

Eamonn_new_leaning6G.jpg


Eamonn Holmes is now confirmed as the new co-driver, but only after twenty-six requests to join the team by Nelson 'I only did what I was told' Piquet Jr were all rejected.

The man, the LEGEND, that is Khaled Mardam-Bey returns after two years and much bribery as crew chief.

khaledmb_bigger.jpg


Holmes, as usual, was unavailable for comment, but restoration work on the Bronze Ford Coupe nears completion.

-Reuters


(F**k me, was that first race really that long ago? Jeeeeeeez!)
 
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Driver news: Found the hearing aids!

Backhoe news: Modifying the cockpit to reduce driver stress. Namely: an AC unit, CoolSuit hardware, storage cubbies for meals, etc.

Sponsorship news: Monster has signed on. (It's no Red Bull, but whatever.)

AP, Wildwood, NJ

American drinks company Hansen Naturals has confirmed that it's Monster Energy brand has signed a sponsorship deal with international auto racing team DSRacing. The American team has since updated its promotional material and livery to include the new signing.

Expect a video of automotive hoonage soon.

Also, groundbreaking for the AppalachiaRing II commenced yesterday. The original was razed after the Gro?reich took over. While the new one is only about as long as Circuit de La Sarthe, we have designed to be an even more grueling test track, and a far more challenging race course. Complainers about the noise/environmental/traffical impacts have been silenced with money.
 
At first he couldn't see anything, but then he looked down. All that was there was what looked like a 1960s TV antenna stuck on a plastic box.

Bob turned around.

"Dr. Jones?"

"Yes?"

"Urr..."

"You realise how hard it is getting raw materials when you're trapped inside an underground bunker being hunted by the most powerful nation in history? We have been able to develop it now that we're not being watched to the extent where this thing managed to work for a few seconds, but we still have very little money.

Look around you."

Bob looked around. Everything, just as he saw, was all makeshift and dilapidated. The claustrophobia and darkness was oppressive.

"Joining the people here was an act of blind faith. When we join, we lose everything, and we live a life of fear and paranoia. We lose our identities in society, all we have achieved in our lives will have vanished. Everyone you saw today: those were the only people that we would see for possibly our entire lives. And trust me, some of them are pretty unbearable to live with. We didn't know when we could come out of hiding, or if at all. We didn't know whether we were going to achieve anything whatsoever. We toiled away, hoping against all hope.

To join us, you'd had to have nothing to lose. But more than that, you'd had to have hope. Back then, no-one had hope. Why should they? There was only suffering. The state tried to crush all hope. You wanna know why? Only with hope can you achieve the hopeless. Only with hope can you start a revolution. Only with hope can you do what's right.

What made you special is: you had hope. Tonight, that hope is going to change your life."

Bob was trying to look grateful and not skeptical. After all the disappointment and suffering he's been through, he could not help but doubt, and as a result, he began to doubt whether he really was a hopeful person.

"I know what you're thinking, Bob. So I'm going to tell you that anyone else would have given up by now."

He continued, and began to elaborate:

"You remember the glorbibats?"

"Those giant alien millipedes?"

"Basically, yes. A mighty race that has even begun to manipulate time. In the final day of the KUIPER Racing Team, they received a message, their last message. It was from them. A revolution broke out on their planet, and Davros was too preoccupied with something called a "time war" to care. They promised them that for their efforts, they would return to them in their time of need. They gave them a binary passcode. This passcode allows them to ring alarm bells, allows them access to their interstellar communication system. The passcode was "PLEASE EARTH RESIST SIGNS EVIDENCING UNDERGROUND SOCIETIES", or "PERSEUS": the constellation that they come from."

He had heard some pretty crazy things in his time, and for Bob, this was becoming one of them. Nevertheless, Dr. Jones continued.

"Orbiting around the furthest reaches of the Kuiper Belt is a Glorbibat probe with a broken propulsion system. The repair job is too complex for another probe, and not even Glorbibat spacesuits can withstand the hostile conditions out there. Nevertheless, it is still operational, and from co-ordinates and orbital patterns the Glorbibats gave us, we know exactly where it is. If we could just reach it, it could send the signal through a wormhole to reach the Glorbibat planet."

For a second, he paused, as if he was thinking things through, wondering whether this was such a good idea.

"From what we have gathered from conspiracy theories and government papers, we know that the Glorbibats have a form of land transportation called a "Glorbipod". Runs on four wheels just like our cars, but powered by nuclear fission, producing enormous power as a result. Safer than travelling around in 10 feet walls of cushions. Some even suggest it can shapeshift to minimise traffic.

The ashes of KUIPER will race again under the name "P-Racing", and we will be planning to use a Glorbipod. Once we're done with it, the whole world will be able to reap the benefits of Glorbibat technology. Of course, any team that wasn't on Von Smythe's side last year can also integrate this alien technology in this years car if they so wish. This will be the beginning of new dawn for mankind: interstellar relations! We aren't just going racing again, we're trying to revolutionise the world. Just like what we joined for.

And this is where you come in.

You need get your job back on CNN. Tell them about what we're doing, and we'll pull the strings. You'll then be able to spread the message. The world needs to know about us and our plans. You also need to persuade them to intercept the Blue Network and send the code.

I know exactly how you felt when you lost your family and your job. You felt insignificant, one man against the world. One man that nobody listens to. This is your chance to change that. This is your change to change the world. You will be remembered in history as a hero."

"...

I don't know. don't think this is going to work.

What if the Glorbibats choose not to accept? What if there'll be riots? Given how no-one stood up to Von Smythe, what if that just plunges the world back into chaos? What if it all just falls apart?"

"Well, I hope it doesn't. ;)"


(TL;DR: The Glorbibats from the last race are coming back. We will be racing with their means of transport: a "Glorbipod". Anyone who wasn't on Von Smythe's side last race is free to integrate any elements of Glorbibat technology into their cars if they wish to.)


EDIT: This post marks the end of the (extremely long) background introduction, and from now on we will post like any other team. :D
 
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*Phone rings*

Richmondgal: What?

Mcduckduck: I found the car

Richmondgal: And?

Mcduckduck: ....

Richmondgal: And?

Mcduckduck: ....well

Richmondgal: WELL WHAT?

Mcduckduck: You see, I was out to the shops the other day and I was driving the Monaro to them to get some milk and um I got distracted by the-

Richmondgal: Oh for god's sake, spit it out!

Mcduckduck: The car got dinted and then it caught on fire.

Richmondgal: WHAT?

*Hangs up*
 
ShotHouse Racing Blog said:
Finally we can confirm that the 109 has an engine again. With help from Aston Martin we managed to get the parts required to fix the lightly smouldered engine and get it's power back. Unfortunately we've had to move out of the car park because the guards dogs got hit by the frost and fell apart, but not before we tested the machine out. It'll happily spin the rear wheels with the brake pedal fully depressed, although we're not sure if that's the engines power or the terrible brakes.

we're now based at an old petrol station, which we moved in to once Dastardly had chased off all the Illegals.

"No, we don't want it washed!"

We're now working on weapons, and we're thinking that maybe we can make use of the gallons of cheap car shampoo that is here to make a chemical weapon using the built in equipment of the Land Rover. We're also packing some sand paper. The bolt croppers from last year that we unfortunately didn't get a chance to use.

We were thinking that this might not be much to take on the might of the other teams, when a phone in the corner of the yard started ringing. We hadn't noticed the phone before but we were intreagued so I picked it up.

"Hello."
"You order free pizzas?" Said the voice on the phone. We hadn't
"No, think you've got the wrong number mate."
*Click Brrrrrrrr*

That was odd I thought, so called 1471 to check the number. Or I would've done if the phone wasn't completely dead.

Then my mobile started ringing. Nervously I answered it, expecting to hear our pikey friend offering rotten food again. I was relieved to hear a sinister Russian voice.

"You looking for big weapon?"
"Yes, as long as it doesn't come with pepperoni."
"Come to the docklands, I have something for you."
*Brrrrrrrr*

I looked at Dastardly. We're in the Midlands, miles and miles from the coast. Where on earth was he. I glanced over my shoulder and saw a line of black cabs. It was a funeral procession, presumably for a taxi driver. As they went past I looked in the back of the hearse. The flowers spelled out '110 Miles'. I realised that there is only one place people mean when they say Docklands, London.

We got into the Mean Machine and sped off.
 
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