FinalGear Wacky Race #4 - Sign-up Thread

^ Drat, haven't got much time then. :(

The Telegraph said:
In detail: the Glorbipod

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A GLORBIBAT ELDER MEETING AMBASSADOR OF EARTH NIGEL MARVEN: WHO WAS CHOSEN FOR HIS EXPERTISE IN ZOOLOGY AND FOR HIS GENERAL "STEVE IRWIN WITH CLASS" AWESOMENESS.​

In a momentous occasion, humanity enters a new age. The meeting, watched by over 80 million people worldwide, was attended by President Obama and almost all other world leaders, with the exception of Venezualan President Hugo Chavez, who was busy licking windows.

Tomorrow, P-Racing are set to reveal artist sketches on the revolutionary Glorbipod, followed by photographs. The Telegraph brings you what we already know about the device that will revolutionise the automotive industry. Many of the Glorbipod's features are still as yet unknown to humans, but these are the features the Glorbibats have specified.

Key facts about the Glorbipod:

  • It runs on nuclear fission of argon atoms collected from the atmosphere, and never needs to refill as a result.
  • It releases zero carbon emissions.
  • The controls have been converted to fit our conventional automotive controls.
  • It can shapeshift from a two-seater to a four-seater, and in other varieties as well.
  • It glows in the dark.
  • Using the Earth's satellite systems, it can drive entirely on its own on autopilot, and can adapt to changing systems on its own much better than our equivalent Earth systems due to a sophisticated AI system.
  • It has managed to survive crash tests of 70 mph completely unscratched.

Specifications:
No-one really knows, as all specifications were provided in Glorbibat units. P-Racing are set to investigate its performance capabilities in a forthcoming test at the Appalachiaring II.
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Bad news: The Cat was damaged in our final pre-race test.

Because of Parkinsons.

And Nelson Piquet Jr.

Who somehow swerved into the Cat, forcing Clay into the wall, despite not even being anywhere near any of the AppalachiaRings.

He is that useless.

That is the true story. Not that completely false rumor of an accidentally poorly fastened wheel falling off thanks to a tired pit crew member. (Did we mention this is a 24-hour test?)
 
Okay so race is going ahead now...um okay...

Now; since the employees of Dollhouse are now unemployed; we've employed their brain wipe tech and it is now fitted to our 33 Stradale and the team have been employed as part of Race Control at veloceRACING. Suck it bitches we have Felicia Day!
 
Captains log, star-date "who cares"....

WHAT?!?!? THE RACE IS THIS WEEKEND?!?
Shit i need pants.. Does anyone have any pants that i can borrow? Also i need underwear...

This is not looking good, fortunately my good friend Lucifer gave me a few pointers and decided to tag along as the co-driver. This should give me a head-start in the whole "destroy-life-as-we-know-it" thing i got going..

Anyway, Death is putting the final touches on the tricycle, i told him to sharpen the front wheel just in case we need to run over/through some of our competitors. Also he has installed a super-secret propulsion system that should give us an advantage in the faster sections.

I shall also sacrifice an empty vodka bottle to the god of speed...
 
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Last public announcement before the race:

We are shipping out as I type this.

Expect no mercy. We will win. We have invested far too much to lose...

Anyways, good luck to all participants. (You'll need it)

--Jessie

Me: Really? Don't you think that's a little... harsh for a press release?

Jessie: What? I really want to win this, for once. I can't help it if that seeps through.

Me: Well, the last corporation that ran in the races was VonSmythe's. Think about how that would reflect on us if we release this...

Jessie:...

Last public announcement before the race:

We are shipping out as I type this.

Expect no mercy. We will win. We have invested far too much to lose... We hope to win fairly, and with a balanced battle with our rivals. We shall behave within the rules set by the Wacky Race Association, and shall accept any wrongdoing.

Anyways, good luck to all participants. (You'll need it)

--Jessie
 
Perfectly Legal Racing to be Powered by Ford

An individual wishing to remain anonymous, claims to have witnessed a delivery van unloading several crates next to the barn behind the corporate headquarters of Loopyhole, LLC, where the team director, Richard Nicholas D. Lupin-Wong-Hau-Pepelu-Tivrusky-Yonsei of Ulm, signed for them wearing only a terry-cloth robe and an ushanka.

Our informant was able to make out the Roush name on three of the crates, and Ford Racing logos on the remaining two as Lupin and two unidentified mechanics took them inside. He also claims that, though he could not see the race vehicle, Perfectly Legal's support car, previously confirmed to be a GAZ-M13B Chaika, appears to be a fully restored black hearse.
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Correction: Perfectly Legal Racing to be Powered by Ford
We apologize to Richard Nicholas D. Lupin Wong Hau Pepelu Tivrusky IV of Ulm for misspelling his name, and ask that he please aim his N1 back to wherever it was pointed before.
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ShotHouse Racing Blog said:
We screeched to a half on the wet concrete road that ran parallel to the London docks. We had no idea where our Russian friend would be meeting us, because his phone number was withheld. As I looked around I caught sight of a crate further down the road, with a skull and cross bones sprayed on it. Dastardly spotted it too.

?That must be the weapon!? He said.
?What the f@%k would you know?? I replied.

But he was right, and as we got closed we could see through the gaps in the crate. I took a crowbar out of the glovebox and prised the crate open, revealing a shiny Northrop Grumman Megawatt laser.

?I think we?re ready for the race? I said to Dick.
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vikiradTG2007 said:
Less than 21 hours left to the start, I hope your preparations are all going well. 'Cause this is going to be mayhem... ;)
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The tricycle is ready to go but i still need pants ppl, or do i have to do this pantsless?
 
Sorry, i only have beer!
 
< Is panicking

Appalachiaring Test Report

For this particular test, our test driver was an anonymous member of the team. Everything went well until the car reached the first corner. As the driver turned the steering wheel, he somehow ended up in Blaskyrkh, with some really creepy gothicy evil guy heading towards him. In a desperate attempt to escape, the found himself back at the Appalachiaring about to cross the line, only to notice there were diggers everywhere and it was still under construction.

Final Appalachiaring Laptime: -42 days

Taken this into consideration coupled with the time constraints of finding a new driver, P-Racing has made the decision of letting the car drive itself for the entirety of the race.
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We here at Team RF1 are finally prepared shitting ourselves because the best we can come up with for weapons is a marshmallow gun and a toothpick for the race. We currently have some mechanics posing as scientists coming up with a new weapon, but we're not optimistic. Team Owner is furious and Secret Driver, as he wants to be known, is crying in a corner.


Will trade pants for weapons, any weapons.
 
^I have a gun that shoots beer cans..
 
If anyone's interested in some untried and untested alien weaponry, please contact our secretary Mavis:

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It's rainy day in the Hong Kong ship docking area. The sky is a gloomy gray and the roads are slippery. Car's go buy spitting up water from their tyres but this is no matter for the crew of veloceRACING. I, Lara, Echo, Sierra and the rest of the Dollhouse/veloceRACING crew are here to receive their new support vehicle. A 2010 Maserati Quattroporte Sport GT. Scoured from the home's of Italy's elite during the VonSmythe apocalypse it resides inside a container currently be lifted by a crane. The members of veloceRACING's racing team stand there motionless and with a dark expression on their faces. As the crane lowers down Victor and Paul walk up to the container with crowbars in hand. With one strong push the container's doors fly open and inside is the Metallic Black Maserati. Adelle (whom I might ad looks exactly like Olivia Williams) walks forward and turns around.

"We're Ready"

Moments later at the gate a modified classic Alfa Romeo and a black Maserati are heard screaming V8s at full bore swerving around the docks one behind the other and then racing past the gate in a flurry of speed and noise. A noise which echoes throughout the docks as the two cars speed off into the distance.
 
racingfan1 said:
Deal. Your pants will be arriving shortly.
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You should know it is impossible to operate that cannon while sober.

Also, we have reports about a rivaling team getting lost within out borders, one of our minions wanted a hug from the driver but he disappeared.
Twas a shame really, our minions usually gives great hugs..
 
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