Ironlord
Well-Known Member
Previously, my attempt to predict the future didn't quite work out as I had planned. Still, I have made a few tweaks to the interdimensional communicator and it is now genuinely capable of time travel. And a quick look into the future reveals something rather spectacular.
FORMULA ONE GETS ITS COMEUPPANCE!
By Murray Hunt and James Walker for POWER! magazine, 7 February 2009
The GP Masters series failed - miserably. Three races over two years and it was gone. Was it because the old giffers weren't up to it, or because half the drivers were those midfielders-to-backmarkers that nobody remembers? Was it because they decided to take the races to places like Qatar where there may be money but your average Sheikh'n'Vac had no idea of the former World Champions he'd be watching, nor did he have any interest in finding out?
In what is excellent news for long-time Formula 1 fans who have become jaded at its transformation into business first, racing second, with no room for people with personality, a new series has been proposed, with the explicit intention to recover the glory days when men were men, Buck Angel was a woman and Sebastian Vettel wasn't even born. The series is designed to compete head-to-head with F1, joining the F1 circus for a Saturday showdown at tracks that are still worthy of celebration, whereas F1 visits
those dull-as-ditchwater Tilke-dromes which inspire nothing and nobody except the corporate hospitality guests, the new series will race on the Sunday at a different track - one with history, spirit and a treacherously dangerous layout. All concerns from the Health & Safety wombles have been torn up, set on fire and the ashes ritually defecated on.
Furthermore, the cars are expected to be the spiritual successors of the fearsomely unrestricted 1986 turbo cars. No drivers have been announced yet, but they are expected to be those who combine the reactions of a fighter pilot with the fearlessness of a marine, and the will to win at all costs. In short, the present-day equivalent of Gilles Villeneuve. It is he that has given his name to the series.
The series is not due to start until 2011 at least - mainly to allow the necessary changes at the racetracks involved. However, a mock-up calendar has been drawn up for a potential 2009 season of...
THE GILLES VILLENEUVE WORLD MOTOR RACING CHAMPIONSHIP
Most of the time, the calendar involves competing events. Occasionally, though, GVWMRC events take place at current F1 circuits, and the race will take part as a dual-headline event on the Saturday.
The calendar:
Round 1: 28/29 March 2009
F1: AUSTRALIA: Albert Park, Melbourne
GV: AUSTRALIA: Bathurst
Round 2: 4/5 April 2009
F1: MALAYSIA: Sepang
GV: UNITED STATES I: Indianapolis (oval, and definitely anticlockwise)
Round 3: 18/19 April 2009
F1: CHINA: Shanghai
GV: UNITED STATES II: Laguna Seca
Round 4: 25/26 April 2009
F1: BAHRAIN: Sakhir
GV: CANADA: Montreal
Round 5: 9/10 May 2009
F1: SPAIN: Barcelona
GV: FRANCE I: Clermont-Ferrand
Round 6: 23/24 May 2009
F1: MONACO
GV: MONACO
Round 7: 6/7 June 2009
F1: TURKEY: Istanbul
GV: TURKEY: Istanbul
Round 8: 20/21 June 2009
F1: BRITAIN: Silverstone
GV: BRITAIN I: Silverstone (pre-1975 layout)
Round 9: 11/12 July 2009
F1: GERMANY: N?rburgring
GV: GERMANY I: N?rburgring (Nordschleife)
Round 10: 25/26 July 2009
F1: HUNGARY: Hungaroring
GV: GERMANY II: Hockenheim (1965 layout)
Round 11: 22/23 August 2009
F1: EUROPE: Valencia Street Cirzzzzzzzzzz...
GV: BRITAIN II: Brands Hatch
Round 12: 29/30 August 2009
F1: BELGIUM: Spa-Francorchamps
GV: BELGIUM: Spa-Francorchamps (1970 layout)
Round 13: 12/13 September 2009
F1: ITALY: Monza
GV: ITALY I: Monza (1933 layout - with the banked oval)
Round 14: 26/27 September 2009
F1: SINGAPORE: Marina Bay
GV: ITALY II: Imola (1993 layout)
Round 15: 3/4 October 2009
F1: JAPAN: Suzuka
GV: JAPAN: Suzuka
Round 16: 17/18 October 2009
F1: BRAZIL: Interlagos
GV: BRAZIL: Interlagos
Round 17: 17/18 October 2009
F1: UNITED ARAB EMIRATES: Abu Dhabi
GV: FRANCE II: Le Mans (1932 layout)
Balls of steel. That's what you'll need to win this series.
If anyone's wondering, when the Japanese Grand Prix is held at Fuji, the GV race will still be at Suzuka. And whichever circuit the German Grand Prix visits will also see the GV race, while the other circuit will compete with the Hungarian Grand Prix. And how do the tracks cope with two different layouts, I hear you ask? Two bits of tarmac can coexist alongside each other and be sectioned off with extra armco for each race. At circuits such as Hockenheim, this will involve rebuilding more than half the track.
Here at POWER!, we believe that a driver with balls of pure steel will win the inaugural Gilles Villeneuve World Motor Racing Championship, and it will demolish Formula 1 in the TV ratings. Especially at the season when the spiritual successor to the dreadful Caesar's Palace circuit of the early 80s duels for supremacy, and loses, against the sound of turbo-charged cars belting down the Mulsanne Straight.
FORMULA ONE GETS ITS COMEUPPANCE!
By Murray Hunt and James Walker for POWER! magazine, 7 February 2009
The GP Masters series failed - miserably. Three races over two years and it was gone. Was it because the old giffers weren't up to it, or because half the drivers were those midfielders-to-backmarkers that nobody remembers? Was it because they decided to take the races to places like Qatar where there may be money but your average Sheikh'n'Vac had no idea of the former World Champions he'd be watching, nor did he have any interest in finding out?
In what is excellent news for long-time Formula 1 fans who have become jaded at its transformation into business first, racing second, with no room for people with personality, a new series has been proposed, with the explicit intention to recover the glory days when men were men, Buck Angel was a woman and Sebastian Vettel wasn't even born. The series is designed to compete head-to-head with F1, joining the F1 circus for a Saturday showdown at tracks that are still worthy of celebration, whereas F1 visits
those dull-as-ditchwater Tilke-dromes which inspire nothing and nobody except the corporate hospitality guests, the new series will race on the Sunday at a different track - one with history, spirit and a treacherously dangerous layout. All concerns from the Health & Safety wombles have been torn up, set on fire and the ashes ritually defecated on.
Furthermore, the cars are expected to be the spiritual successors of the fearsomely unrestricted 1986 turbo cars. No drivers have been announced yet, but they are expected to be those who combine the reactions of a fighter pilot with the fearlessness of a marine, and the will to win at all costs. In short, the present-day equivalent of Gilles Villeneuve. It is he that has given his name to the series.
The series is not due to start until 2011 at least - mainly to allow the necessary changes at the racetracks involved. However, a mock-up calendar has been drawn up for a potential 2009 season of...
THE GILLES VILLENEUVE WORLD MOTOR RACING CHAMPIONSHIP
Most of the time, the calendar involves competing events. Occasionally, though, GVWMRC events take place at current F1 circuits, and the race will take part as a dual-headline event on the Saturday.
The calendar:
Round 1: 28/29 March 2009
F1: AUSTRALIA: Albert Park, Melbourne
GV: AUSTRALIA: Bathurst
Round 2: 4/5 April 2009
F1: MALAYSIA: Sepang
GV: UNITED STATES I: Indianapolis (oval, and definitely anticlockwise)
Round 3: 18/19 April 2009
F1: CHINA: Shanghai
GV: UNITED STATES II: Laguna Seca
Round 4: 25/26 April 2009
F1: BAHRAIN: Sakhir
GV: CANADA: Montreal
Round 5: 9/10 May 2009
F1: SPAIN: Barcelona
GV: FRANCE I: Clermont-Ferrand
Round 6: 23/24 May 2009
F1: MONACO
GV: MONACO
Round 7: 6/7 June 2009
F1: TURKEY: Istanbul
GV: TURKEY: Istanbul
Round 8: 20/21 June 2009
F1: BRITAIN: Silverstone
GV: BRITAIN I: Silverstone (pre-1975 layout)
Round 9: 11/12 July 2009
F1: GERMANY: N?rburgring
GV: GERMANY I: N?rburgring (Nordschleife)
Round 10: 25/26 July 2009
F1: HUNGARY: Hungaroring
GV: GERMANY II: Hockenheim (1965 layout)
Round 11: 22/23 August 2009
F1: EUROPE: Valencia Street Cirzzzzzzzzzz...
GV: BRITAIN II: Brands Hatch
Round 12: 29/30 August 2009
F1: BELGIUM: Spa-Francorchamps
GV: BELGIUM: Spa-Francorchamps (1970 layout)
Round 13: 12/13 September 2009
F1: ITALY: Monza
GV: ITALY I: Monza (1933 layout - with the banked oval)
Round 14: 26/27 September 2009
F1: SINGAPORE: Marina Bay
GV: ITALY II: Imola (1993 layout)
Round 15: 3/4 October 2009
F1: JAPAN: Suzuka
GV: JAPAN: Suzuka
Round 16: 17/18 October 2009
F1: BRAZIL: Interlagos
GV: BRAZIL: Interlagos
Round 17: 17/18 October 2009
F1: UNITED ARAB EMIRATES: Abu Dhabi
GV: FRANCE II: Le Mans (1932 layout)
Balls of steel. That's what you'll need to win this series.
If anyone's wondering, when the Japanese Grand Prix is held at Fuji, the GV race will still be at Suzuka. And whichever circuit the German Grand Prix visits will also see the GV race, while the other circuit will compete with the Hungarian Grand Prix. And how do the tracks cope with two different layouts, I hear you ask? Two bits of tarmac can coexist alongside each other and be sectioned off with extra armco for each race. At circuits such as Hockenheim, this will involve rebuilding more than half the track.
Here at POWER!, we believe that a driver with balls of pure steel will win the inaugural Gilles Villeneuve World Motor Racing Championship, and it will demolish Formula 1 in the TV ratings. Especially at the season when the spiritual successor to the dreadful Caesar's Palace circuit of the early 80s duels for supremacy, and loses, against the sound of turbo-charged cars belting down the Mulsanne Straight.