Kill a dream

Granted, now get to work slave.

I wish I had owned neutron as my slave in Ancient Rome.
Granted. You own a neutron as your slave, you have nothing to do with it and it can't even irradiate anyone with sufficient strength or turn anything into fissile material. So do your jobs yourself, you slimy weasel, you are a slave yourself!

I wish the prof with which we have an exam tomorrow wasn't such a piece of absolute junk in human terms.
Granted. He is, instead, the most incredible lecturer on the planet. Unfortunately he was so popular, you couldn't get into the course. You failed your degree. You are now 50 years old, flipping burgers, and making minimum wage. Your wife is the shift supervisor, and you have to take turns calling in sick to look after your 12 kids because you can't afford childcare.

I wish I got my promotion.
Granted, You are promoted to Captain of the Costa Concordia.

I wish I had a new printer.
Granted. It's a printing press. You have to hand set all the type.

I wish that I had enough money for what I needed.
I wish that I had enough money for what I needed granted you have enough money to cover your funeral.

I wish I had a big T-Bone Steak.
Granted. You have the bone, anyway. The other rats ate all the good bit. And the bone is making standing difficult.

I wish that I had a brilliant, money making, idea.
Granted. However, due to the unique way which the art market works, you earn no money or recognition, and die heavily depressed like Vincent Van Gogh did.

I wish I was a top graphic designer like Rob Sheridan.
Granted. But they only thing you can get money for is weird inter-object porn. That is what you spend the next 50 years drawing.

I wish that it was a holiday.
Granted , but its a holiday that celebrates work , so you get to work all day !

I wish i can break traffic laws without getting caught .
Granted. You get dead instead.

I wish that the buzz lasted longer.
Granted but the buzz is from the Fluorescent Lights in your office and no one can fix them.

I wish that I could catch more salmon this year.
Granted but the cops catch you before you get to far.

I wish I was a cop for day.
Granted but your mission is to clean toilets in the Russian embassy.

I wish I was the last to use the toilets in the Russian embassy where Neutron is working.
Granted, but you contract several diseases just from touching it.

I wish I was GOD.
Granted it is at the bottom of a swimming pool.

I wish a tidal wave of warmth would hit us.