Kill a dream

Granted. Every sentence is now perfectly constructed. Just intelligible because you cannot spell.

I wish that I was wide awake and feeling extremely intelligent today.
Granted. You're more than awake. You now have supersensory capabilities, and it's generally annoying you and giving you insomnia.

I wish I had nothing to worry about.
Granted. You now have nothing to worry about. And it's worrying you that you have nothing.

I wish that I had a bigger room.
Granted but you now write like Shakespeare.

I wish I knew to be or not to be.
Granted. Now you know you aren't. For sure.

I wish that I had the ultimately comfy bed.
Your coffin is lined with silk.

I wish Ash would just agree with me on all matters.
Granted. Now no one listens to you because you have tits.

I wish that I had a magic "All the housework done" wand
Granted but I have a magic mess Ashspet's house up again wand.

I wish I had a nice ham and cheese sandwich.
Granted. But it's located in a large block of perspex, and unable to be eaten.

I wish I had a dollar for every word I have ever said.
Granted but it is Monopoly money and you can never get rid of it.

I wish I was hero of the nation.
You know you're supposed to wish for something that you aren't already :)

Granted. You saved elderly Mrs Smith from her burning car. But now she has decided to move in with you. And she hasn't bathed in 4 months, and doesn't believe in it.

I wish that Summer had slowly slipped into Autumn, instead of crashed!
Granted but this being 2012 Australia slowly drifts south to the South Pole causing it to have a continues winter.

I wish I had a dime for everytime I got my boss out of trouble.
Granted. But it gets sent to ashspet, who, along with the 50c she gets whenever she gets her boss out of trouble, now owns the entire planet. The wars are now cancelled, and ashspet delivers justice with a quiet whipping in the basement. Taxes are simplified and expensive, crap music is all destroyed, Bieber and his ilk are sent to live in space (whoops, forgot to send canisters of O2 with them! darn), the food is distributed evenly, bad drivers are executed at dawn, and those committing crimes will be dealt with buy a community justice system so successful, that there will no longer be anyone willing to risk getting caught.

I wish I had the answer
Granted but the answer is Shut-Up Ashspet!

I wish Ash would give me back my dimes.
Granted. But now she takes all your dollar bills.

I wish that I had more smarties
Granted but a 100 smartie Alaskarats show up wearing only a thong.

I wish I could get that thought out of my head.
Granted. But the one in my head replaces it. And that is much worse.

I wish that there was some eye candy here today
Granted but here is your new trainer:
good luck with that.

I wish this cold would go away.