Kill a dream

Granted. You have to throw it out instead as the Free Fishies Liberation Organisation and Needlepoint Club have snuck in and vandalised all your fish catching equipment, leaving you with a pile of rather expensive rubbish.

I wish I had all the knowledge in my head.
Granted now you know that fish catching equipment is called fishing tackle.

I wish Ash would go fishing with me.
Granted. But she farts and scares all the fish away.

I wish that this weekend was a long one.
Granted but for Alaskarat who is watching Friday Night TV.

I wish this phone had a bigger key board.
Granted. You now have to walk 1.5kms just to get to the next key. And, unfortunately, it no longer fits in your pocket

I wish the irishmen next door had better taste in music
Not Granted suffer!

I wish I was at the Irishman's house next to Ash so I could enjoy the music.
Granted. Techno dubstep hyper hypno all yours.

I wish that I knew why the electricity keeps going out.
Granted the bill collector stops by with the police to collect for your $1000.00 electrical bill.

I wish I had a new cool car.
Granted. The block of ice it has been carved from is rapidly melting, so you'd better go play with it quick.

I wish that there was ice cream in the freezer.
Granted but it is in my freezer

I wish the restroom was closer.
Granted. It's right next to your desk. And every guy comes in over the course of the morning, newspapers under the arm, and as they leave, they apologise for the smell

I wish that today goes smoothly
Granted for some freak of nature all your sidewalks are covered with a thin layer of ice and it is so smooth and slick you fall on your ass and get the rest of the day off.

I wish summer tires were cheaper since I need a new set.
Granted. Retreads are very cheap. Good luck with them.

I wish that I had a clone that would go to work for me, but I would get the salary.
Granted but the clone believes she should volunteer her time for the good of her country leaving you with no salary.

I wish all you guys could be off work tomorrow too.
Granted! Except it was today, and you missed out.

I wish that there were more shops open today.
Granted they are all open in Fairbanks but not in primitive lands like Australia

I wish I didn't have to change from my winters tires to my summer tires this weekend.
Granted. The late dump of 3.5m of snow on you on the way home has eliminated that requirement. Unfortunately, it has also blocked you into your car, and you spend the entire weekend buried in the cabin, surviving on licking snow through the open window, and hunting for raisonettes in the upholstery.

I wish it didn't hurt