Kill a dream

Granted, but you can only have this Tuesday for the rest of your life (think Groundhog Day).

I wish I had a new rear tire for my bike and my speedometer repaired.
 
Granted, you now have a 205/55ZR16 BFG G-Force Sport as a back tyre. Your speedometer is also repaired but is now measures mm/hour and you have do not have the mental capacity to convert it!

I wish my holiday was longer
 
Granted. You're fired/expelled.

I wish the Simpsons wasn't so shit now.
 
Granted it is slightly better, however the rest of the episodes since it's inception suddenly become shit.

Oh and your eyes fall out so you can't watch the new ones.


And so do your ears so you can't hear them.

HAVE FUN!

I wish I could get from my chair in front of my computer, to the bathroom, get ready, rush to work on time, and have it only take a minute instead of 30.
 
Granted, but you're fired for being too early. Democrats can't be early.

By the way you are a democrat now :)

I wish my skin was blemish free.
 
Granted, you now have no skin.

I wish for more than 3% of all water to be fresh water.
 
This is already granted. More than 3% of known water is fresh. Some of it is out in space though.

I wish for a HUGE BIG GIANT MASSIVE steak and kidney pie.
 
Granted. But the meat is raw, the pastry is mouldy and green, and the sauce is week old Bovril with lumps of wrinkled onion and overcooked mushrooms in it.


I wish I could find a case of Bacardi Crisp Apple in Limerick :( (seriously, it's the sex!)
 
Granted but they just changed it so that it has only a drop of alcohol in it and no sugary flavory things to keep the chickies happy.

Oh and it's laced with cyanide



And lemon-scented



I wish my lunch break here at work was more than 30 minutes so I could peruse the forum some more
 
granted. You now work in hell. You are required to peruse this forum 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for 1000 years. And you have no ability to post. And all posts are made by ashspet.

I wish for better TV
 
Granted, but *better* from the POV of the writers of Disney show writers. Now everything on tv is Hannah Montana, the Jonas Brothers and Zach and Cody.


I wish Lady Gaga would just piss off.
 
Granted. She's now broke and destitute and living in your room.

I wish I would get off the internet and go to bed
 
Granted but your bed is a portal to the intertubes, converting you from cells and tissues into 1's and 0's and you're stuck in the internets forever.

I wish I could use my phone overseas
 
Not granted. Get off of your lazy bum and go buy a proper GSM phone and toss that CDMA junk out the window.

I wish for a ?20 topup for my UK SIM card. I'm running low.
 
Granted, but no-one wants to talk to you.

I wish the weather wasn't so crap here :(
 
Granted it is now downgraded from crap to shit-tastic

I wish I could drive a Lambo
 
Granted, but on the same day that new traffic laws come in, which means the car will explode if you go any faster than 50kmph.

I wish I could come up with something witty now.
 
Granted. It was the funniest thing ever on the internet. But no one ever gets to see it, and you can't remember it.

I wish for a fully functioning, disaster proof, insured and tank full of petrol DB9 in my driveway and I have the keys
 
Granted, but one drunken night, you accidentally swallow the keys. You can't get new keys because of one point in fine print on the warranty that you didn't notice. The only way you can retrieve them is through excrutiatingly painful surgery through the sphincter, which will either kill you or leave you in agonising pain for the rest of your life and you can never sit down.

I wish I had another bag of Minstrels.
 
Granted. They are the black and white kind and sing 'Moon River' non stop to you for the rest of your life.

I wish I knew what the sexiest word in the English language was
 
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