Kill a dream

Granted, you have a wonderful set of straight dentures.

I wish that the Oklahoma State University Cowboys win the National Championship in Football this year.
 
granted, but your face is now covered in green pustules

I wish for an appointment with the specialist tomorrow
 
Granted, it's a euthanasia specialist which puts you to sleep.


I wish I could hear how the damn Life W12 F1 engine sounded like before it invariably blew up in every pre-qualifying session in 1990.
 
Granted but soon afterwards you are unable to hear anything else *finishes the rest of the message via sign language*

I wish I could someday pwn all the dumbass Acura and Toyota drivers on the freeway that think they're fucking cool trying to hit 90 and pass everyone while on the redline with my Lamborghini Murcielago LP670-4 SV
 
Granted, but you get pulled over by an embittered crooked cop, get your car confiscated, and have your license taken away.

I wish my cat would stop farting on me and shitting all over the place.
 
Granted but now it's shitting on you and farting all over the place.

I wish I'd beceme more sensible.
 
Granted, but now you are TOO sensible, do nothing exciting or fun, and lose all your friends.

I wish I understood what the hell was going on in Ulysses.
 
Granted, you are now living in Homer's Ilaad.

I wish Homer Simpson was Greek.
 
Granted, now he only speaks Greek, and in such a way that it doesn't allow any of the jokes to be translated without losing all meaning.


I wish I were inside the WM-Peugeot P87 at Le Mans in 1988 when it broke the 400kph barrier during the race.
 
Granted you are but having you there makes the driver crash it turning it into a ball of flames.

I wish I had so much money I'd be economically independent for life.
 
Granted, You'll have everything available in your life and there will be no lust to buy better stuff.

I wish I can graduate from my damn college, 22 y.o and still in the 2nd year instead of being graduated!
 
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Granted but the job market requires higher degrees so it's back to college with you!

I wish I could go back to squandering away my time and my life by playing video games all day long.
 
Granted, but there are no jobs available and you will be poor and homeless.

I wish the house was self cleaning and Mum and I never had to do household chores again.
 
Granted. If houses were to clean themselves, so it must be done by some robotic things; they might get confused between dirt stain and paint on any surface :p

I wish all nations and cultures on earth get along with each other!
 
Granted, the ensuing population explosion leads to the death of everyone on earth due to dwindling resources.

I wish for a Slant-nose 911.
 
granted, it slants you straight into the ground

I wish for my day off (where I had to go into work anyway) to actually be a day off
 
Granted, you're fired.

I wish my asswit neighbor hadn't texted my cousin (also my roommate and landlord) to bitch about the lawn being a quarter inch too long.
 
Granted. Instead he goes out to the lawn, burns it, and then throws salt on it so nothing will ever grow on it again.

I wish I didn't get headaches from drinking slightly more than moderately amounts of caffine. :(
 
Granted, you now get massive headaches unless you mainline caffeine all day, every day.

I wish that "Date My Avatar" by The Guild cast was just as awesome, but that I didn't feel guilty for getting the jokes.
 
Granted, but then you won't be able to stop talking about it, driving away all your friends and family, and you will live the rest of your days living with only your pet rat called Steve for company until you die aged 40 from renal failure.

I wish all dental procedures were completely painless and didn't require injections and shit.
 
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