Kill a dream

Granted. This is Abe Vagoda, who played "Fish" on the TV show "Fish" and "Barney Miller."
Abe_Vigoda.jpg


He had been killed, chopped, formed into a patty, batter-dipped and deep-fat-fried for your enjoyment.

I wish I had the means to buy a couple guitars and a new amp.
 
Granted. And you are playing in front of the best crowd in the world, with the best band in the world and your pants fall down, your dick gets sliced on the strings, the blood shorts out the electrics and you die twitching and convulsing on stage.

I wish that tonight was long so I could get lots of sleep
 
Granted. Unforunately your demon lover just won't leave you alone, and you get not one moment of sleep.

I wish my shoulder would stop hurting.
 
I'm granting that one, because mine hurts too :( Stupid wrong sleeping position

I wish that I had magic, like proper magic, not charlatan tricks.
 
Granted! But every time you use magic foul-smelling diarrhoea spews out from your behind.

I wish I had a Bentley Arnage T24 Mulliner
 
Granted. Unfortunately it has been possessed by the devil and is now cruising the streets eating people. You were the first victim. Your soul is now trapped forever in the left headlight where you have to watch millions of gruesome deaths.

I wish that my current project would be implemented without a hitch and work perfectly.
 
Granted but then some idiot screws it all up.

I wish I had something more fun to do.
 
Granted. But it involves licking a million stamps and sticking them to a million envelopes that also have to be licked.

I wish that I had the ability to retire right now.
 
Granted. But you have to live in a retirement home and only eat liquidised food.

I wish time would go a little faster.
 
Granted. Only weekend time. And to compensate, weekday time goes sloooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow

I wish that there were more hours for play time
 
Granted, but you can only teleport when you fart and leave a toxic cloud behind (kind of like Nightcrawler)

I wish i could regenerate like a Time Lord.
 
Problem is that it is reverse regeneration, and you get older each time.
(seriously, if they get any younger, there is going to be a teen timelord one of these days)

I wish that I had the ability to have my wishes granted.
 
granted, but each wish only lasts a hour.

i wish the BBC would hurry up and give a release date for Series 6 of Doctor Who. the waiting is starting to drive me mad!
 
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Granted, but everyone now follows the churdh of scientology.

I wish for karen gillans phone number.
 
Granted. It won't help you though, because according to your own wish grant, she's *crazy sign*

I wish people would stop getting on her nerves.
 
Granted, she gets on everyone's nerves.

I wish I could walk out of work right now and drive off in a nice black Lamborghini Aventador down the beach road.
 
Granted, but once you get to the beach its filled with grannies in bikini's

I wish i had a Green Lantern power ring.
 
Granted, you get killed by the same thing that killed the previous owner of that ring, your heart is eaten and you are resurrected as a Black Lantern.


I wish I had a lifetime paddock and pit pass for the 24 Hours of Le Mans.
 
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