Kill a dream

Granted. You have the superpower to turn people on at a distance. Unfortunately it's so strong, by the time they get anywhere near you their legs (and everything else) have buckled due to exhaustion.

I wish the sun wouldn't shine right in the corner of my eye like it is doing right now.
 
Granted, it is now full frontal and burning you to a crisp.

I wish that payroll hadn't fucked up so that I now owe $1800
 
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Granted. Thanks :D

I wish that the pineapple I was eating was a little sweeter
 
Granted. They are now on fire. And starting to burn up your legs.

I wish that tomorrow was declared a no work day
 
Granted. But it was yesterday.

I wish I had some chocolate mousse.
 
Granted. But it smells like puke.

I wish I had a back massage
 
Granted. But you're now a small, yellow cartoon mouse with a moustache.

I wish I didn't procrastinate so much.
 
Granted. You now never start anything. Slowly, as time goes on, and you lie in your bed for the 1000th day, your skin turns bright yellow, a fungus spreads to your upper lip. Seven days later you have been totally poke-fied.

I wish that I would win the lotto tomorrow
 
Granted. Unfortunately Team Rocket hypnotises you and forces you to spend your winnings on plastic surgery, turning you into a moustached Pikachu. Again.

I wish I had super-brain power.
 
Granted. Now small talk is boring, and in fact you find yourself on such a different intellectual plane to everyone else that normal social interaction is impossible.

I wish England would lose this football match. It would really be quite hilarious, even given the inevitable teasing I'd suffer at work on Monday.
 
Granted, but North Korea wins, and Kimmy's incessant gloating causes South Korea to invade just to shut him up, sparking WWIII.

I wish I was a Fela'hari.
 
Granted. You now have to deal with Katstein, who's become a nuclear-armed taekwondo-trained secret-agent communist pirate pimp babe-magnet terroristkat.

I wish I was a cat.
 
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Granted. But considering the level of abuse levelled at a lot of cats in this world, I don't like your chances.

I wish I had magical powers
 
Granted, but any spell you cast backfires.

I wish there a beautiful woman in my bed who is naked and horny.
 
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