Kill a dream

:)roflmao: Not able to +rep you at the moment, ashspet, but I would have - that really tickled my ribs!)

Granted. You are a zombie and can think of nothing else but brains.

I wish I had a fast car to get away from the zombie.
 
Granted. But it's out of petrol and has 4 flat tyres and is on fire.

I wish that I had the ability to teleport
 
Granted. At the rate of an an atom per hour.

I wish I had a family who actually know more about stuff than I do.
 
Granted. But the "stuff" they know more about than you is neonaticide, filicide, patricide, and matricide.

I wish some people weren't such numpties.
 
Granted, instead everyone now views you as a numpty.

I wish my internets were faster.
 
Granted. But like HG Wells, it stays in place, and you end up in a prehistoric volcano.

I wish that all weekends were 4 days long
 
Granted, but now you don't get time off work at the weekend.

I wish I was younger.
 
Granted. 2 years old. You have to do school all over again.

I wish I was taller.
 
Granted, by 0.01 of a cm, in other words not enough to make any real difference.

I wish I was rich.
 
Granted. You have mounds and mounds of manure. You have a wealth of fertilizer

I wish I wasn't tired
 
Granted. But as the story goes, they are made of wax and feathers. But you never even get off the ground.

I wish I could find the genie in the bottle.
 
Granted. And when you rub his bottle, he gives himself three wishes, 'cos he's a selfish genie.

I wish I had the rest of the day off, I'm completely pissed off with today already.
 
Absolutely granted. But a huge chocolate cake lands on you and you have to eat your way out.

I wish that the dogs would clean up after themselves
 
Mmmmmfff? Sorry. Mouth was full of chocolate cake.

Granted. And everyone laughs at them, walking around with their pooper scoopers. And the term "doggy bag" takes on a whole new meaning.

I wish this lingering cough would just gerorf moi land chest!
 
Granted. It's now on your toes. People are now looking at you strangely and calling obscure government numbers because your feet are barking, literally.

I wish that I had an Aston Martin.
 
Granted. You have an Aston Martin Cygnet and subsequently become a laughing stock wherever you go for spending ?40000 on a Toyota iQ.

I wish I had it made.
 
Granted. You fall right off the edge. And find turtles, all the way down.

I wish that my foot didn't hurt.
 
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