Killing Your Heart with Punisher Bass (56k go order pizza)

Punisher Bass

He who drives a Buick
Feb 25, 2007
St Louis, MO
98 Buick Park Avenue Ultra
Since Viper doesn't think we need a Food subforum (we do!), I'd like a thread dedicated to my own cooking. What you'll find here isn't for the leafy green eating health food nut. I'll be showing you how to make various kinds of food and maybe share a few family secrets.

First up, breaded pork chops (sorry to those of the jewish faith).

What you'll need.


Pork chops or pork cutlets if you prefer. However many you plan to eat.
Eggs. 2 for every 4
Cooking oil.
Saltine crackers. 1 package for every 4-5.


1 Cast iron pan.
2 Small bowls.
1 Large ziplock bag.
Rolling pin.
Large fork.
Meat mallet.

Start by pouring the crackers into the bag and then try and get as much air out of it as possible. Take the meat mallet and pound the shit out of it till it's broken up into nice small bits. You might need to open the bag to let more air out or else it could pop and send crumbs flying everywhere. Next take the rolling pin and roll the crackers till it's really small bits. When finished pour them into one of the bowls.



Beware the Ariel monster who will come to inspect what you're doing, she can be defeated with a pat on the head and then saying "You're a good girl, now get out".


Then take the pan and set it to medium to medium high heat, depending on how ballsy your stove is, and add 3/16 to 1/4 an inch of oil. Let it get nice and hot, if it starts to smoke remove the pan and lower the heat.

While it's heating rinse the chops with cold water and then pat dry with a paper towel. Next you want to take the second bowl and crack open a few eggs and pour in a little milk and then scramble.


Grab a chop and lay it in the batter, then put it in the crumbs and cover. Make sure it has a nice even coating, you might need to pat some on with your hands. Remove from the crumbs and lay directly into the hot oil, remember to lay it in away from yourself so if it slips it won't slap 8 million degree oil on you.



Cooking time will vary on how hot the pan is and how thick your chop is, but when one side turns a nice even golden brown, it's time to flip. When finished place it on another paper towle so the remaining oil can drain off.


Serve with greenbeans, applesauce, mashed potatos, or anything else you want and enjoy.

Oh man, that had to of been finger lickin' good.

/runs upstairs to make some chops
We do need a food sub forum.

I'm fond of cooking myself, although I don't like HAVING to cook, I just like it when I want to do it.
Yes I know, and as I said in the intro, I wanted one of my own. There's no harm in it.
You want ham? Then ham you shall have.

Reposted from my entry in the Food thread.

Frisco Breakfast Sandwich. Also known as "Moons Over Myhammy" if you eat an Denny's. Very simple to make, cheaper, and much healthier than the ones they offer at Hardee's or Denny's.

Here is what you will need. Makes two.

4 Slices of sourdouhg bread.
4 Slices of ham.
3 Large eggs.
2 Slices of American cheese.
A little butter.
A little milk.


1 Large pan.
1 Small pan.
1 Large spatula.
1 Flimsy spatula.
1 Bowl.
1 Sharp knife.
1 Fork.

Get the stuff together on a plate first and then start heating up the small pan. It will save you time later.


While it's heating, if desired you can trim the rind off the ham like I do.


By the time you're done the pan should be nice and hot now. So crack open the eggs (remember to do it on a flat surface and not on the edge of the bowl) and add a little bit of milk.


Start heating up the large pan and then scramble the eggs. You can add salt now if you want but the ham is already bringing some of it to the party, so you could overpower everything. Smear some butter on the bottom of the small pan and pour the eggs in. Cook till done.


The large pan will now be ready to cook on. Smear some more butter onto the pan and then lay down two slices of the bread, both slices of cheese, and 2 slices of ham per side. Then devide the eggs evenly across both sides and then cover with the other slices of bread. Let them toast for a few minutes, it all depends on the pan you use, how hot it is, and how crisp you want these.


Carefully pick them up and add a little more butter to the bottom and then flip them over and cook for another few minutes. You might want to flip them again one or twice just to make sure everything is hot enough. They should end up like this.


Cut in half and enjoy.


While they might look thick, everything inside is cooked to perfection and nice and hot.
^ I couldn't possibly eat that much for breakfast. Actually, I can't eat anything for breakfast (a glass or two of orange juice will do me, ta).

First up, breaded pork chops (sorry to those of the jewish faith).

Not sorry to veggies? :p

Take the meat mallet and pound the shit out of it till it's broken up into nice small bits.

This is the kind of instruction that all recipes should have!
I consider people who don't eat meat to be part of the same group that prius drivers are.
I often make a breakfast sandwich very much like that, it's good and it'll last you most of the day. :yes:
You're making me hungry for some real food, man :lol:. This is my finals week, so I've been living on pb&j and coffee. One of my favorite dishes to make is red beans and rice, if I make some in the next few days I'll share some pics.
Nice work man :thumbup:

I consider people who don't eat meat to be part of the same group that prius drivers are.

haha, don't be so quick to generalize people just because of what they eat. Not everyone does it because of animal rights or whatever. There are some cool people that don't eat meat, such as Bob Dylan, Ziggy Marley, Paul McCartney etc.
I'd put all three of them in the group above, and they make bad music ontop of it.
I like the last recipe. Sounds like a decent enough breakfast.

Question : do you only get white eggs in the US? Seems that everytime I see an egg it's a white one, and I've never seen one in real life. All "our" eggs are brown :


Except some of the chickens my grandma has : they lay blue/greenish eggs.

hmm, I should post some of my own recipes up here.

Being home alone all the time as a kid has taught me how to cook. Its surprising just how much interested woman are in you when you start talking about cooking :razz:
I've seen brown eggs at the story on ocasion, but they are typically a light brown, nothing as dark as up above. I can only guess that there's different species of chicken laying our eggs. I'd say a 99.99% of people here only buy the standard white Grade A egg because that's just about all that's for sale for the most part.
Its surprising just how much interested woman are in you when you start talking about cooking :razz:
I can understand that...I'd be much more interested in a woman if she started talking about how much she loves to mow the lawn.