Make them go away!

Ottobon

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Mormons wont stop coming to our house, and worst of all my dad is too "nice" to just tell them to go fuck off, we already have a religion for peat sakes, drop it already!

Now they keep coming to my door while im dancing around naked, i don't need that! im busy!
 

poptya

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heres what you do:

Tell them you'd love to hear what they have to say, but that you are really busy, and ask if you can meet them at their house instead sometime. Obviously they'll agree since they think they will have a chance to preach to you. Once you get their address, show up at 4 in the morning and claim to be a door to door atheist.
 

Donington

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AK47, for when you absolutely, positively need to kill every motherf**ker in the room!

Or on the other hand, you should do what I, and everyone else does and say 'sorry, not interested' or 'sorry, I'm athiest' or 'sorry, my beliefs lie with the dark lord'
 

No Boss

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I forget the correct wording (it's different for Mormons and Jehovah's Idiots) but all you need to tell them is that you're "Disenfranchised" or "Disfellowshipped". It means you were once part of their religion and left, willingly or unwillingly.

Apparently, they keep lists and will never bother you again.
 

Adunaphel

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Or just invite them in after you've had a party the night before and hadn't had time to clean up. Jehovas are very strict against alcohol and drugs. My brother once did that after a party with lots of beer, weed and booze, with the remainders of it strewn around the house. We've never seen them since.
 

Slycer

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My dad once very "politely" escoted two religious freaks to the top of our street and not so politely told them to fuck off.


Ever since not a single one has come round.
 

Cobol74

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Unwanted, uninvited, and annoying - I tell any sort of missionary that I give blood and before they can say anything I shut the door and do not re-open it.
 

thedguy

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Might I suggest you do the exact opposite to them, invite them in, and make them very uncomfortable but keep pushing that they stay.

The other option is to just denounce the Holy Ghost. It's the one sin, that no matter what, is unforgivable. It's a ticket straight to hell, do not pass go, do not collect $200's.

Oh wait...nevermind, you already have religious beliefs, that could be a bad thing... just do #1. Atheists can do #2 if they like.

I think next time I'm gonna shout out the window "We will abort your children"

I forget the correct wording (it's different for Mormons and Jehovah's Idiots) but all you need to tell them is that you're "Disenfranchised" or "Disfellowshipped". It means you were once part of their religion and left, willingly or unwillingly.

Apparently, they keep lists and will never bother you again.
Excommunication? That one is unwillingly... sort of.
 
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Jay

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Go to the local hardware store and get a small plaque that says "no soliciting".

That's what I have on my door. Problem solved!
 

thedguy

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Go to the local hardware store and get a small plaque that says "no soliciting".

That's what I have on my door. Problem solved!
Yeah, but far less entertaining. I've known people to get bored and go try and find a couple of them and try and convince them to lose their faith (none of them have been successful though).
 

BlaRo

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Just keep dancing naked as you open the door. Talk to them with a straight face as you're gyrating about, and make sure you swing your legs around so they get the full effect.
 

cvrefugee

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My response will be very different from the others who have posted, principally because I'm a former Mormon missionary :) With that said, you need to understand that these guys are out there on their own dime, away from their family and friends, with the sole purpose of sharing knowledge with others. Now, I could easily tell the difference between somebody who was genuinely interested in our religion and those who were just being "nice" (like your dad). My suggestion would be to tell them that you're not interested in the moment and that if you ever become interested in the future that you'll look them up. Some missionaries are persistent and won't get the hint - for those types I'm not really sure what you can do, dance naked I guess? :p
 

vRS

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Just get a peephole and leave them knocking for hours at your door while you watch MLS football in the other room.

I wouldn't recommend that when the Police are at the door though.
 

Redliner

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I once answered the door to some Jehova's Witnesses. I was about 13-14 years old.
- Good morning. I would like to speak to the man of the house.
- You can talk to me.
- I'd rather talk to an adult.
- We don't have an hierarchy. We live on an anarchist organization and therefore all members share the importance and all decision are discussed.
- ...Eh....well...good morning. (walks away fast!)
 
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