No 56k: My incredibly girly '98 Ford Escort ZX2

EyeMWing

Well-Known Member
Joined
Nov 17, 2008
Messages
4,889
Location
MD, Amish Country PA
Car(s)
Many things, none of them working.
I've had this car for some time, but my dad's been its DD until recently. It is, however mine, not his. Don't ask.





It's a 1998 Ford Escort ZX2 - and simply put it's built for girls. This particular one has no options on it AT ALL, except maybe aircon - which I get the feeling was probably standard. Here's a tour of its shittiness:

Wind up windows and manual locks (independent for each door)


A tape deck (complete with two blown rear speakers of some stupid oddball size)


The entire front end is made of stupid-assed plastic which was painted with a totally different kind of paint than the metal (and other plastic) pieces - thus resulting in WAY different weathering effects


The steering wheel chafes my penis and I'm yet to be able to adjust it (the car was naturally not optioned with a tilt wheel)


The rear view mirror is below my eyes


It's covered in stupid stickers and decals because the PO liked Garfield and my father would rather preemptively bribe the cops than have an unobstructed over-the-shoulder view




And now a tour of the things that are correct:

It has the correct number of pedals:


It has pillarless doors:


It's mine got my name on a sign on the hood:
 

thevictor390

Teen Wankeler
Joined
Mar 9, 2007
Messages
11,823
Location
Massachusetts
Car(s)
'10 RX-8 R3, '89 Toyota Blizzard SX5
That reminds me a lot of my Sebring (minus the girl-size and correct pedal count). Look at it this way: the window motor will never go out :lol:
 

BlaRo

Little Nudger
Joined
Aug 18, 2005
Messages
18,176
Location
New England
Car(s)
Moto Guzzi V7 Special, Fiat 500 1957 Edition
:lmao: at the police stickers. Wonder if it actually works?

A really hot blonde girl on my floor had one freshman year. It fit her well. She got it stuck in a snowbank once.
 

argatoga

Can't Start His Wank
Joined
Oct 4, 2005
Messages
17,963
Location
Seattle
Car(s)
'13 Moto Guzzi V7, '08 Pontiac Solstice GXP
Bah it has more features than my MG. :p
 

EyeMWing

Well-Known Member
Joined
Nov 17, 2008
Messages
4,889
Location
MD, Amish Country PA
Car(s)
Many things, none of them working.
:lmao: at the police stickers. Wonder if it actually works?

A really hot blonde girl on my floor had one freshman year. It fit her well. She got it stuck in a snowbank once.
Well, I was driving it yesterday and blew by a state trooper doing, uh, not-the-speed-limit. He lit up but gave up and drove on before I could even finish stopping. He probably forgot to lock the LIDAR reading, or something - but just in case, the stickers (grudgingly) stay for now.

And a buddy has a Sebring - he's 7 feet tall and he fits in it. This thing is about 20 sizes smaller than that.
 

thevictor390

Teen Wankeler
Joined
Mar 9, 2007
Messages
11,823
Location
Massachusetts
Car(s)
'10 RX-8 R3, '89 Toyota Blizzard SX5
Mine was a coupe, but I was referring more to the total lack of equipment. Roll up windows and manual locks are great until you have to let someone in on the passenger side :?
 

public

Has been known to shou emousshiöns
DONOR
Joined
Nov 26, 2007
Messages
11,614
Location
Oysterbottom
Car(s)
205–405–MX5–Polo–Panda–Daimler
So you grew your hair long to fit the car? :mrgreen:
 

shad_68

DOOD looks like a lady
Joined
Nov 23, 2008
Messages
3,142
Location
Dortmund
Car(s)
'14 Fiesta ST
The rear view mirror is below my eyes
Some say his car reeks of lasagne, and that he's never been pulled over by the police... all we know is... he's not the stig, but he is Silent Bob's internet cousin! :mrgreen:
 

2Billion

Well-Known Member
Joined
Dec 7, 2005
Messages
3,642
Car(s)
'10 Toyota Matrix XR
I used to have one of those. Mine, however, was red, and had equipment - including a tilt wheel and power windows/locks. Oooh la la indeed. It even had sport written on the back. I bought it because I needed a car urgently and that one was there and not on fire. I liked it so much that I sold it as soon as I had the money for something newer, more reliable, and not confused by snow.

In spite of being a bit girly, I honestly did think it was fairly good looking.
 
Last edited:

2Billion

Well-Known Member
Joined
Dec 7, 2005
Messages
3,642
Car(s)
'10 Toyota Matrix XR
Mine isn't confused by snow at all. You were doing something wrong :p
Yours doesn't fog up the instant a snowflake falls on it? Mine did that all the time. Something with snow getting in the defrost but I never did figure out where it was doing it. Various scientific studies were conducted, results were inconclusive, then I got a car that doesn't do that.

Also, does yours have the flimsiest handbrake in the world? Every single oil change mine would need to be fixed.
 
Last edited:

EyeMWing

Well-Known Member
Joined
Nov 17, 2008
Messages
4,889
Location
MD, Amish Country PA
Car(s)
Many things, none of them working.
Yours doesn't fog up the instant a snowflake falls on it? Mine did that all the time. Something with snow getting in the defrost but I never did figure out where it was doing it. Various scientific studies were conducted, results were inconclusive, then I got a car that doesn't do that.

Also, does yours have the flimsiest handbrake in the world? Every single oil change mine would need to be fixed.
Nope, no fog issues of note.

And mine had a broken handbrake from the day it was purchased until about 6 months ago - when the brake cable and the guides for the cable were both replaced (they'd apparently rusted together or some such noise, seizing it - and then the PO gave it a swift yank to try to make it go and snapped the line cable). - but no problems with adjustment or anything since.
 

C3Vette

Well-Known Member
Joined
Dec 20, 2008
Messages
930
Location
Finland
Man you need a bigger car :D

Sell or trade it for something larger and manlier that'll suit you, like an old F150 or some other truck.
 
Last edited:

EyeMWing

Well-Known Member
Joined
Nov 17, 2008
Messages
4,889
Location
MD, Amish Country PA
Car(s)
Many things, none of them working.
I just stepped out of my Focus since its services were necessary as a learner-car - I miss not having to twist my neck in uncomfortable ways to get in the door.

And I stepped down to the Focus from a GMC Conversion van with a monstrous 7.4 liter V8 (that somehow made a whopping 230HP and 385 torques) and a curb weight of Preposterously Huge. I'm done with trucks for now.

And this is just a temporary stepping stone until I can make an X300 XJR materialize in my driveway. Which would happen a lot sooner if I weren't having to spend money on creature comforts to make this silly little girl car livable (MP3 player, FM transmitter, new speakers, etc.) - on the plus side it's gotten me out from under the upside-down Focus' payments ($3k owed on a 150k mile car worth around $2k) - those are now squarely the responsibility of the unfortunate n00b driver.


I've also discovered that I'm so much taller than Ford was expecting when they built the car that I can't actually adjust the driver's side mirror upward far enough for to see behind me.

On the plus side, the stock 0-60 time is 7.4 seconds. I need to work on my shifts.
 
Last edited:

93Flareside

Döner Kebab enthusiast
DONOR
Joined
Jul 20, 2009
Messages
16,313
Location
42 miles outside of Chicago
Car(s)
‘18 VW Golf GTI, '87 Mercury Colony Park
So if you wanted an aftermarket stereo, what do you do with that hideous oval plastic cover? Because it goes around the air control knobs as well.
 
Top