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Official Joke Thread

Haha Daniel :mrgreen:

I thought the dead baby (infant) jokes were widespread in the US
 
A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.
Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"
The guy replies, "I'm Joe Cohen, taxi-driver, of Noo Yawk City."
Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi-driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and Enter the Kingdom."
The taxi-driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff.
Next it's the minister's turn. He stands erect and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last 43 years."
Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom."
"Just a minute," says the minister. "That man was a taxi-driver and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?"
"Up here, we work by results," says Saint Peter.
"While you preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed."
 
yeah dead baby jokes -
i've heard a number of them here in the us, but
i'm not sure if they "originated" here. doesn't
matter, most of them aren't funny....
 
I got a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend of mine the other day. We lost track of time, chatting about the wild nights we used to enjoy together.
I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd like to meet up and maybe rekindle a little of that magic.
"Wow!", I said, "I don't know if I could keep pace with you now!
I'm a bit older and a bit balder than when you last saw me!"
She giggled and said she was sure I'd meet the challenge!
"Yeah", I said, "just so long as you don't mind a man with a waistband that's a few inches wider these days!"
She laughed and told me to stop being so silly!
She teased me, saying that she thought tubby bald men were cute!
"Anyway", "I've put on a couple of pounds myself!" she giggled...





...so I told her to fuck off.
 
Hmmm... Not much activity on this thread recently, but I'll give it a go....

Lone Ranger was out riding his horse Silver, when suddenly he gets lassoed by a bunch of bandits waiting in an ambush. Before he gets yanked out of the saddle, he whispers some words into Silvers ear and the horse runs away. The bandits tie Lone Ranger up, and decide to hang him at sunrise. The morning comes and as the bandits are just about to string Lone Ranger up, Silver appears on the horizon with a naked woman on his back. Lone Ranger sees this and screams at Silver: "You fucking idiot!! I said posse!!!"

Ok, don't know if everyone'll get this one, but hey. And if there's any muslims here, I'm not trying to offend you, it's just a joke....

God and Jesus are sitting around in heaven, just hanging out, watching tv, when the doorbell rings. God gets up, walks over to the door, opens it and sees Allah standing there. God turns his head towards Jesus and asks: "Did you order a kebab?"
 
why hasnt bahnstormer updated this thread...he came up wit the best
 
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