Our "own" car reviews

The car sucks, both of you move on. If you want a premium compact now you buy a fully equipped Fiesta or something.
 
The car sucks, both of you move on. If you want a premium compact now you buy a fully equipped Fiesta or something.
Oh my fucking god....

The entire point of the review is that the Versa is unabashedly NOT trying to be for people like us who want fun premium shit....and for those basic ass people its aiming for, it can be a viable option if they can look past its flaws.


I think I should just stop writing. Clearly I can't express my thoughts in a manner that others can easily understand.
 
^ It's your review. You write what you like, you write what you think.

I very like your review style. Keep on it. :)
 
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The Versa soldiers on with the 1.6L 4 cylinder engine that made it's aforementioned debut midway through the last gen's product cycle. It's paired with a CVT on S+ and above trims, otherwise it's tied to a 4 speed auto or a 5 speed manual. The engine itself is a wholly ordinary affair. With only 109 horsepower on tap being fed through a CVT that tends to produce more noise than forward motion, don't expect to win stoplight drag races. This was my first experience driving a car with a CVT and the best description of it would be "interesting."


Like most modern CVT's these days, this one replicates faux shifts when driving normally. Ok fine, it's ridiculous but whatever it takes to increase acceptance of the technology. The gripe about this "feature" for me was that these faux shifts never felt consistent - sometimes they were executed well. Other times it felt like a jerky four speed box and would let the engine rev out to 3-4k before doing its final "shift." On the road, it almost seemed like just breathing on the pedal would elicit a faux kickdown, making me question the fuel economy penalty for all of this. I tried and failed to count just how many gears it was trying to emulate.


The responses for power also felt slower than I'd come to expect in "high pressure" scenarios - I resorted to just flooring the accelerator pedal to merge onto the highway and even then I felt like it was just plodding along. Dunno if the 1.8 liter engine on the old car would have performed better or if a 6 speed AT would have maybe given me the "feel" of acceleration I desired but it's not a confidence inspiring experience.

And this is my single biggest gripe with Nissan. The CVT is absolutely horrid. Low-RPM acceleration is fine. Press that accelerator pedal down and you get nothing. Nothing at all. I have been driving a 2013 Altima SV for about 2 weeks now and I absolutely hate it. Flooring the Altima does nothing that gently pressing the pedal won't do and it really confuses me. If I'm coasting in the middle turn lane waiting to merge into traffic, I need to have confidence that the thing will actually do what I need it to do when I punch it, and I can't. Comparatively, in my Lexus, if I'm coasting in that middle lane at about 10-15mph waiting to merge and I punch it... it's kicking into gear and that thing MOVES. So does my BMW, but that's a manual. The BMW is more of an accurate comparison though, because even though it's a 6cyl it's the same exact displacement and roughly HP (~170). When I need power from the BMW it's right there at my foot. In the Nissan it will kick up to about 3k-4k RPM and not do much of anything beyond normal hum-drum acceleration.

I am not a fan of the CVT, as Nissan has implemented it. I have to drive something with actual gears to remind me what acceleration actually is, which is pretty sad.

And to add to that, the faux gear shifts are often rough and makes it feel like the whole powertrain is bucking which makes it sometimes hard to control.

TL;DR: The CVT is a fail and a hard pass IMO.
 
I has an A5 sportback and am not impressed tbh.

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Sure its purdy inside and out, but I was expecting a firm grippy ride, perfect seating position and a feeling of being one with the car. I had none of the above, car felt like it was all over the place, even kinda hard to keep in a straight line for longer periods.

It had 163 hp which is fine, but the ESP was struggling even with half throttle launches so I didn't even bother to turn it off.

Add to that being impossible to see out of (front and rear) and a completely infathomable GPS system with no less than 3 iDrive style knobs that go up when you go down etc make for a bad car alltogether

6/10 colour me unimpressed
 
It had 163 hp which is fine, but the ESP was struggling even with half throttle launches so I didn't even bother to turn it off.

I assume it was 2WD 2.0 Diesel? If yes, that's 400Nm onto the front wheels of a 1650kg car. No wonder the ESP has a complete fit and cuts the power in half all the time.
 
Works just fine with my even lighter car. Depends hugely on tyres, though. Is it on shitty winter tyres? That would explain a lot.
 
Works just fine with my even lighter car. Depends hugely on tyres, though. Is it on shitty winter tyres? That would explain a lot.

Your car is chipped and so has a steep 400Nm peak somewhere, it's not over a broad band as in this A5. - Your car is probably more stiffer too, and not such a barge.
 
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Yup wide 18 inch tyres but on summer tyres....seems to be car/drivetrain related...
 
The A5 review show a couple of differences in car shopping habits between here and there.

I can't remember ever seeing an A5 with basic halogen reflector headlights and I'm willing to bet most of them are optioned with quattro and DSG as well.

And on the flip side, Golf GTI's are very few and far between. Most Golfs are pretty basic.
 
True, but it's a 2011 car though, so it may have been the only choice at the time...

I don't even think you can get it now with xenons, Leds are the standard nowadays
 
Had this fat Bavarian for the past two weeks / 2700 miles :cool: I guess the universe disapproves of me selling my folding metal contraption :lol:



It's a 428i 8-speed auto in (relative) poverty spec, dirt cheap from Sixt for under $30 a day. If my math is right and all the CC transactions/fees are in I'm at 0.13?/km :clap: probably the cheapest motoring I've ever done possibly pending one toll charge from trying to get back to the airport and not quite sticking to surface streets :shakefist:






Quite a few dents here and there, plus some weird marks on the rear bumper... but overall really nice to drive. Good fun in Chattahoochee and Talladega National Forest, and great to cruise along the coasts.
Boot space is quite good, though only slightly up from the Eos despite the massively lardy ass. I guess the supercomplicated five-piece roof in that was even more cleverly packaged than I realized. The lift-the-roof-package-from-the-boot feature is a neat trick, but fairly pointless in relation to the added complications involved. Additionally, it had the return RCA stumped :lol: I returned roof down obviously, lifted the package to get my stuff, and handed him the keys. He kept fumbling around trying to close the roof, which is a no-no while the package is dangling up there... then he shut the boot lid while the package was still up there, looked hilarious floating around... still no dice, so I rescued him and pointed out the boot cover and hidden button to lower the package. I usually don't mind a bit of technical flim-flam, but this is too much.
Oh, and the all-seasons were crap in Matthew's rain :shakefist: managed to slide my bum just from setting off from a light as you normally would.



Shiny gauges :clap: no idea what they're for though :dunno:



EfficientDynamics says I'm driving it correctly.



90% of those bugs were a half-hour swamp stretch between Cape Canaveral and Orlando *splat* *splat* *splat*



The driver of the other 4 didn't even appreciate me taking the trouble of parking in tandem :(



That picture probably sums up the trip best :cool:
 
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Is the freedom unit version of horsepower different from commie horsepower? I thought there was a metric horsepower rating over whatever it is we call it.
 
Whatever horsie unit this car never has 260 of it. The graphic lies in any case.
 
Is the freedom unit version of horsepower different from commie horsepower? I thought there was a metric horsepower rating over whatever it is we call it.

1PS is 735.5W, 1hp is 745.7W... in this case it's displaying "hp", and it's even further from 260hp than from 260PS.

- - - Updated - - -

Whatever horsie unit this car never has 260 of it. The graphic lies in any case.

The torkwe would go even a bit closer to 400 than what's displayed here, also above its advertised 350ish Nm.
 
This review is not meant solely to hate on Nissan, but rather how I feel after driving a 2013 Altima SV. In the past I had a 2003 Nissan Maxima GLE that was an amazing vehicle. I loved that car. It was burgundy red with tan leather and every feature you could put in it. But I regrettably sold it in 2008. I currently have a 2000 E46 BMW 323i manual and a 2008 Lexus LS460 LWB. While both of those are definitely considered luxury vehicles, I'm basing this review on my older Maxima. I don't expect the Altima to ever even touch the likes of my Lexus.

(Both my current vehicles are in for repairs and maintenance. My LS needed some suspension work done and the BMW is getting it's vacuum hoses and brake booster replaced.)

I would post pictures, but I think everyone here has seen a black Altima. They are literally everywhere.

Fit-n-Finish: 7/10
It's not bad. Really. I mean most of the car is plastic to begin with, and the body gaps in the metal body panels are pretty decent as well. The interior is similar. No part of it is high-quality, but then it is a Japanese econobox. I don't really expect high-quality, but I do expect durable which this interior is not. In particular the door panels are flimsy as hell, with the arm-rest part of the panel on mine already broken. Then to add insult, the small panel with the power window controls doesn't line up with the hole it sits in. The center console, on the other hand, is nicely done. It's a nice black faux woodgrain that really looks quite classy. The radio is a tactile nightmare. The buttons are all seemingly the same, they're placed in the wrong spots, and on top of that the actual unit freezes up all the time. It will freeze so hard it requires you to restart the vehicle to get it functioning again. It seems like the interface and radio firmware are built on Java, and could use a serious software update. HVAC controls are actually very well done. Probably the most well done thing on the vehicle. The temp dials are large and easy to reach, and the LCD is the perfect color. It's clearly visible in the daytime and it's not distracting at all at night.

Handling: 4/10
Fucking abhorrent. My 15 year old BMW is still night and day by comparison and it's almost in need of new front suspension. While the Nissan is very quiet on the drive-out, it's completely numb. The shocks/struts have no life to them. On the BMW, of course you feel the road, but there's something I can't quite describe about the Nissan. It feels cushy on the bigger things, but almost wavy on the smaller things. Ugh. I hate it. In my BMW I feel connected to the asphalt like I'm glued to it, but in the Nissan I'm floating on a sea of pavement ripples. Again, I feel like in 15 years at least some of the driving characteristics of an *almost* economy model BMW should filter down into the true economy market. By contrast, my mother has a 2011 Chevy Malibu LTZ, which competes in the same class and segment as the Altima, and it's handling is great. It really reminds me of my BMW, and it's nice to see at least some company paying attention to handling. Another thing I can't stand, that I forgot I couldn't stand, is braking. The Lexus, BMW, and even my mother's Malibu all have confidence in braking. The entire vehicle dives on braking, and when coming to a full stop there's none of the front-end dip and rear-end squat on those. On the Altima, when coming to a stop, the front end will dip and the rear-end will squat and almost teeter back and forth. It's maddening. Then we have the CVT. Burn it with fire. Nissan's faux gear shifts are so unpredictable it makes you want to pull your hair out. I've had to completely change my driving style to accommodate how this damn thing works. If I get on it, it does nothing. If I gently accelerate it gears up way too fast, then when it finally comprehends that I want to move forward at a slightly faster rate it will faux-kick-down raising RPM from 1.5k to like 3.5-4k, at which point it sounds like I should be going 90MPH but I'm barely going 45MPH. I've learned that I have to have fast take offs and keep the RPM range around 2-2.5k on take off or the CVT has a full-on Grand Mal seizure.

Reliability: 3/10
As I stated in the other topics, the interior is well done in only two areas: the HVAC controls and the center console. That's literally it. Every other part of the car is very cheaply built. The plastics used are actually nice to look at, but very low quality. Push on anything and you get very noticeable give and creak, and in the case of my door panels... already broken. The CVT on this particular model has already been replaced twice and is about to hit lucky #3 as it's making a terrible rattling sound that, at about 1.5k RPM on acceleration, sounds like the vehicle is gargling balls. Garrrglleeelleglellglgyleygyyyygleyg... that's it. The A/C compressor clutch is also failing and as such, only actually provides cool air when it wants... which is very seldom. The Nissan dealership quoted me $1000 to get the A/C fixed. Fuck that. I can replace the clutch myself. The radio is constantly freezing. When I come to a stop it's like my break pedal is fighting the CVT. When trying to coast the CVT bucks. When I'm in the drive thru at McDonald's it vibrates so much at idle that I seriously think I have a busted motor mount... and last of all the entire powertrain feels like it's on cushy filled rubber mounts. I hate it. My BMW has hydraulic mounts everywhere, but at least they're stiff. They have no discernible give.

All in all, compared to my 2003 Maxima, the 2013 Altima is shit and this particular vehicle only has 110k miles on it. Complete and utter shit. The only thing I'll give it is that from a side profile of the exterior it looks pretty nice. That's all I'm giving it. I also drove a new 2016 3.5SE Altima in pearl white with almost every option and it was the same POS my 2013 is. It's terrible. The one good thing about the new one is that from the rear-end it could almost be mistaken for a 2010 Mercedes E-class. I do like what they've done with the new model's design. It's more understated than the 2013 model, but still manages to look quite nice.
 
I had a new Merc E class 200d Auto for a day, and was properly surprised at just how good a car can be.
Okay the styling (especially the exterior) is pretty tame. I prefer the old E class with the split headlights, now it's just "generic Merc".... I mistook it for a C class...

The inside though, is glorious. It has 2 big screens (none of that dials nonsense) which you can completely customize to your liking, which is proper cool! Satnav on the right dial, music info on the left, with a big speedo in the middle, or a rev meter on the left, speedo on the right, GPS in the middle, you can have it pretty much as you like. Or just be normal and boring, and have a default rev guage/speedo/big satnav.


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A weird touchpad thing (no touchscreen!) took a bit of getting used to, and I did miss an adaptive cruise control, but other than that this is pretty much the best testcar I've ever driven....

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it does give the Skoda Superb a run for its money in pretty much every category (comfort, engine, smoothness of the 9 speed auto, etc) and can actually be driven pretty hard. Sport+ mode gives you extra jerky shifts for when you're in the mood.... It doesn't accelerate any quicker, but it feels quicker.....


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Sport and comfort modes do what it says, and it has a daft Eco mode aswell if you're an extreme penny pincher.... the kind that spends upwards of 40k? on a car but is somehow still bothered with economy.

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Another quirky feature : it had a strip of LED along the entire dash and the doors which you can turn any colour you like. And I do mean any colour

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Purple is so 2016!

Overall verdict : 8/10. Do want.

Disclaimer : no exterior shots because a) can't be bothered, 2)darkness and III) boring
 
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