Oysters Kilpatrick

Austere

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It's not often I order oysters but when I do they're usually Kilpatrick style. I understand that Kilpatrick is possibly a regional name and maybe the name is different where you're from and that's fine. But here they're "Kilpatrick" so shut the fuck up about it already, nobody wants to hear about it.:p

Anyway, most people will not eat oysters because of the taste or the smell or the way they look or a combination of all of the above. A large number of people can not eat oysters due to allergies or religious beliefs and some of those people will be even more unlikely to eat it once I get to the bit about the bacon... Oh, yes... there will be bacon.
A select few love oysters but of those select few, most of them will be traditionalists who believe that oysters should be eaten raw.

So many people can be offended or put-off by this dish. It's like the Lenny Bruce of food.:D



Now let us begin:

First you need some fresh oysters but apparently the first thing I took a picture of was how to make the sauce so let's just roll with that:



You want to mix equal parts tomato sauce & Worcestershire sauce in a dish or whatever. You wont need much. Just enough to put about one teaspoon on each oyster. Also, you really can't use Heinz sauce or similar because they have all kinds of other flavours in them. I use a very high quality, locally made product that is awesome.

It is made in a town called Handorf which was settled in the Adelaide hills by some friendly Germans back in the olden days. The town has a very 'Germanic' feel to it which is a claim that all the German tourists who visit there say is a load of bullshit. Because I drive a Mercedes-Benz they let me drive though the town without paying the tolls.

Also, while we're on the subject: If you're spotting a case that says Beerenberg on the side, don't just assume that it's a case of jam you putz. Beerenberg also make relishes and other savory food items which belong in an entirely different aisle you schmuck! Stop spotting the damn relish in front of the jam! Read the damn case you yutz! Know the fucking product! Know the fucking store layout! My god people, this is your fucking job.

Anyway, yeah I used to work in a Woolworths... :unsure:


Second thing is make the sauce but we just did that so uh... Bacon:



That's what bacon looks like when you do not live in North America poky-out tongue emoticon to suggest an inoffensive, playful attitude.:p


Cut-up the bacon sorta like this or whatever. I dunno, it doesn't matter. Do not employ any kind of "cutting technique" because what are you? Gordon Ramsay or some shit? Just cut it up real good.



Note to the left the uncut bacon that I will not need. It can go back in the refrigerator. Then in the middle you've got the bacon all cut up and shit.

Then lastly, over to the right is the unusable garbage... or to translate that for you Americans; "Bacon".


Here we see my little dog, Jackie, as he waits unenthusiastically to see if it can be bacon time yet pweeze:



He looks soooo miserable. Will he get bacon in the end? Stay tuned!


Here we see the dozen oysters for the first time. I learned about the 'slow reveal' from reading about the movie Jaws:



If they smell bad, and I mean really, really rotten then that means they are good fresh oysters.



Dare me to drink the oyster juice?


Here they are, almost done all of a sudden. I should have taken another pic in the middle there but whatever. You put a spoonful of the sauce onto each oyster and then a little bit of bacon on top. As you're putting the bacon on there you should mumble something to yourself about the fact that the pieces of bacon are all very unequal is size & shape and then wonder aloud if it was so wise to mock the people who employ a 'technique' when cutting food.




Then take a blurry pic of your watch to denote that you must cook the food at this point. Oh, lets say.... 10 minutes?



(note: your own watch may not be the same as mine. snapping fingers may not make food appear)

You have to use the grill. You grill them. They get grilled. Grill them on medium to high for 10 or 15 minutes or until all the bacteria is dead and then they will look sorta like this I guess:



If I had a better camera you would be able to see that the liquid is bubling and the bacon is starting to look all bacony:



Once plated: What good's a plate with nothin' on it? No wait, I fucked that up... What's a good plate with nothin' on it?



I ate a dozen oysters for lunch. What did you have? A another sandwich? AH HAHAHA.:lol:


And then the dog got the scrap bacon in the end so it's a feel-good story for the whole family:

 
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BlaRo

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the Lenny Bruce of food

:lmao:

I scrolled through the pictures really fast and thought the dog was part of the recipe. :| (Shut up about the Asian jokes!)
 

The_Finn

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as always austere a fantastic post... though i am confused as you appear to be using ham but you keep calling it bacon... also apparently Grilling == broiling for all us weirdo Americans... anyway looks great might try it if i can find some strange imported Australian ham/bacon
 

Austere

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as always austere a fantastic post... though i am confused as you appear to be using ham but you keep calling it bacon... also apparently Grilling == broiling for all us weirdo Americans... anyway looks great might try it if i can find some strange imported Australian ham/bacon
The bacon I use is the rindless "middle" cut or "short" cut. I'm not sure that it has the same name in America. I think I'm right in saying that it is cut from the rasher that you're already familiar with:



Here we use the bit to the right of the red line whereas the piece to the left seems to be more commonly used in the US. If you can't find it in the supermarket I'm sure any decent butcher would be able to help you.

There's more meat and less fat on the cut I use so it's essentially just a health thing... We're not really all that noble; Your people choose the fatty, tasty stuff that gives you a heart attack at 40. That's commitment. That's nobility.

And yes, apparently Grilling=Broiling. Is it just me or is the word "Broil" kind of gross? It congers up images of a growth on an old mans back...

Why didnt you use the fat on the bacon? Thats the best bit...
The fat is tasty, I agree. Whenever I fry bacon in the frying pan I leave the fat on, always. But this recipe calls for the fat to be trimmed because the oyster is the main act; You can't have the bacon stealing the show.
 
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Momentum57

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Iv never heard of Oysters Kilpatrick. I have had Oysters Rockefeller but every time iv ordered them they have been completely different from the last. Which is the reason why i like them just plain with at bit of lemon and horseradish. Also when i have oysters i tend to drink a bit more than i care to admit.
 

flydiscovery

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The bacon I use is the rindless "middle" cut or "short" cut. I'm not sure that it has the same name in America. I think I'm right in saying that it is cut from the rasher that you're already familiar with:
SNIP
Here we use the bit to the right of the red line whereas the piece to the left seems to be more commonly used in the US. If you can't find it in the supermarket I'm sure any decent butcher would be able to help you.

In Americaland you'd call your cut "Canadian bacon." Available at most megamarts.
 
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