Random Thoughts....
- Thread starter Firecat
- Start date
- Joined
- Feb 14, 2007
- Messages
- 17,850
- Location
- SWMO
- Car(s)
- Mustang SVO - Frontier Pro-4X - BRZ - D21 Hardbody
I spent most of my afternoon slogging through snow and mud while putting half my body into trash cans (55 gallon drums) to retrieve the last bits of trash. So I too would like to say a word.
Fuck
Fuck
Cowboy
My name is Sheridan
- Joined
- Mar 31, 2009
- Messages
- 10,140
"You are not a bad guy, you have just been dealt a rotten hand causing you morals to be rightly screwed" : my psycologist, obviously I'm paraphrasing.......so why do I feel like a piece of shit all the time, not my fault my arse, some people just come out wrong.
Time for a cleansing.
Time for a cleansing.
Sounds exactly like the kind of thing that a brain with a chemical imbalance would do to its owner. Have you got any medication to help you along? It’s hard to have a positive thought when you’re starved of serotonin.
And please drink as little booze as you can when you’re feeling like this.
Cowboy
My name is Sheridan
- Joined
- Mar 31, 2009
- Messages
- 10,140
I have taken a truckload of pills in my lifetime, currently on anti-depressants and a mild anti-psychoticum (yes really) , it all does exactly nothing but be addictive I feel.....
A medicate with booze, sometimes it helps, lately it rarely does anymore.....
A medicate with booze, sometimes it helps, lately it rarely does anymore.....
Oh crap, that sounds absolutely terrible and I’m sorry to hear that your case is that serious.
If there’s a psychiatric hospital you can go to (and haven’t tried that yet), it might help. I spent three weeks going to a so-called day hospital years ago, i.e. you slept at home, were supposed to be in the „hospital“ by breakfast time and left the place in the afternoon. Wasn’t easy or something I would like to repeat, but it did help a lot. YMMV, of course, and it certainly did among the group of patients.
If there’s a psychiatric hospital you can go to (and haven’t tried that yet), it might help. I spent three weeks going to a so-called day hospital years ago, i.e. you slept at home, were supposed to be in the „hospital“ by breakfast time and left the place in the afternoon. Wasn’t easy or something I would like to repeat, but it did help a lot. YMMV, of course, and it certainly did among the group of patients.
Cowboy
My name is Sheridan
- Joined
- Mar 31, 2009
- Messages
- 10,140
Not really an option I'm afraid, there are several good psyco hospitals nearby ( as you would expect in such a depressing country) but they do not offer 'daycare' and all require institutionalisation, not only would I feel I do notcdeserve a place there, as there are people on waiting lists who deserve it more, I also cannot go for a pure practical reason, I have to take care of my Grandfather, he refuses all help from anybody other then family, and I'm the only one left.....
Are you seeing a doctor for this otherwise?
I certainly hope he wouldn’t have access to psychiatric meds without seeing one.
Rock, hard place and so on and so forth.
But you do deserve whatever treatment is necessary. Depression is often a life-threatening illness and people may need more help than they feel they can accept.
As for helping your grandfather, that’s very noble of you, but you have every right to put your own health first. Physical and mental. AFAIK, people who care for frail family members are under extra psychological pressure, which frankly doesn’t sound like something you have a use for.
Cowboy
My name is Sheridan
- Joined
- Mar 31, 2009
- Messages
- 10,140
Nothing noble about it I'm afraid, it's just 'expected', a matter of neccesity, I spend my youth taking care of my Grandmother, and most of my adult life taking care of him.....
You know it's funny, my parents, grandparents, and my Grandfathers extreme dominant and obsessive behavior are in large portion responsible for my fucked up youth and everything that resulted, and indeed caring for him now and dealing with that same behavior and acute lack of 'thanks' certainly puts a strain on me but it's pretty much the only thing keeping me here, I would have offed myself a long time ago.
You know it's funny, my parents, grandparents, and my Grandfathers extreme dominant and obsessive behavior are in large portion responsible for my fucked up youth and everything that resulted, and indeed caring for him now and dealing with that same behavior and acute lack of 'thanks' certainly puts a strain on me but it's pretty much the only thing keeping me here, I would have offed myself a long time ago.
DanRoM
Forum Addict
- Joined
- Feb 27, 2009
- Messages
- 10,402
- Location
- Ruhr Area, Germany
- Car(s)
- MX-5 ND, Tracer 900 GT & two bikes
That sounds like you seriously need to free yourself from the trap that is society's expectations about this.
Nobody owes their parents (or grandparents) anything. Especially not care.
Parents have to care for their children because it's the parents' fault the children are alive in the first place - not the other way around.
Nobody owes their parents (or grandparents) anything. Especially not care.
Parents have to care for their children because it's the parents' fault the children are alive in the first place - not the other way around.
Last edited:
Labcoatguy
Forum Addict
- Joined
- Mar 27, 2005
- Messages
- 14,182
- Location
- New England region, USA
- Car(s)
- #Jaguar #XKR #XJR, #Saab #9-3 #9-5 #900
This "offspring are glorified livestock/servants/serfs for older generations" seems to have been a constant aspect of human societies.
Cowboy
My name is Sheridan
- Joined
- Mar 31, 2009
- Messages
- 10,140
It certainly was in my youth, I was pretty much a glorified servant, taking care of his roosters during the week (forget studiying! My livestock needs care dammit) , building/repairing sheds/coops and enclosures during school holidays ( they were to inept to it themselves as an adult so 12 year old me had to do it "cause you smart" ) and taking care of said animals and my Grandmother during the weekend while they were out all day and night cockfighting.......yes you read that correctly......actual cockfighting.....
Cowboy
My name is Sheridan
- Joined
- Mar 31, 2009
- Messages
- 10,140
I sorta killed this thread, I'm sorry........let me start it again with a question: when barstaff offers you their phone number 'cause you look like you might need it, call me anytime'.........that's not a good sign is it? I mean, it's not like I'm not contemplating suicide all the time, but if people start noticing, it might be time to get the hell outta the way and get on with it.
I wouldn't look at it that way at all. Give her a call if you're interested in them?
Expected or not, it is noble of you to actually do it. What isn't is the thanklessness.
So they robbed you of (much of) your childhood, destroyed your self-esteem and continue to exploit you to this very day. I'd say fuck 'em, but that's where senses of duty get in the way. But with respect, yours appears to be wasted on them.
Agreed. There's not much place for blame in parenthood.
In my layman's opinion, your level of suicide ideation is a reason for a stay in a hospital. If not for yourself, please do it for those of us on FinalGear who would love to see the "grumpy Belgian curmudgeon" take a nice big dump on that motherfucker called depression.
On a personal note, it really, really, really is worth it. Leaving a bunch of issues behind is one of the most liberating experiences I've ever had.
Dr_Grip
Made from concentrate
- Joined
- Jul 8, 2008
- Messages
- 15,207
- Location
- HEL
- Car(s)
- 79 Opel Kadett|72 Ford Country Sedan|03 Volvo XC70
It seems like you should
a) be grateful for having such a good pub
b) as @calvinhobbes said, do a few weeks in a psych hospital. One of my best and oldest friends is basically the Polish version of you - hard-working, hard-drinking, severely depressed. Luckily, he learned early on, doing government mandated service in one, that psychiatric hospitals are a good place. So he just does a few weeks every decade or so when the darkness creeps in too much.