Today was a shit day; one of the worst I have had in a long time.
I really hate having to work with student therapists. I am still in training myself, but good christ, this woman wielded the tools of therapy like an ape with a hammer. No, worse than that, she did exactly the wrong things.
Anyway, long story short: I ended the day feeling like I was drowning in Fear. Please note the capital letter, it was not a mistake. This is not fear; fear is something you experience towards spiders, snakes, the dark or pickles. This is Fear, the primitive physiological reaction that doesn't realize that we are no longer huddled around a fire and worried about abnormally large cats in every shadow. This is the Fear that has no stimulus (thanks again to my idiot fellow student) and I was tossed in right after she managed to strip away all my defense mechanisms.
Now, I'm sure I will get grilled for this. For being a wuss and a wimp and an pansy-ass. Fine. The fact is that if you go into do therapeutic work and are willing and trust the therapist you lay yourself open. When my clients walk into my therapy office they do so with a certain amount of trust. Much the same way you trust a surgeon to not remove the liver instead of the gall bladder, clients trust me to fix damage and not create more.
This student is not going to make a good therapist. She projects her own values and presuppositions onto the client. The therapy becomes about her and not he client on the couch, it's very narcissistic.
Anyway, I took a long drive and listened to music. I watched some of my second favorite show. I had a beer and got some dinner. Nothing really helped. I'm now left with the memory of all my reason, rationality and logic - my primary defense mechanisms - having been stripped away and being paralyzed with Fear.
Fuck I hate this. I want nothing more than to go to Leslie's place, open a bottle of wine and curl up with her on the couch in front of a fire.
Yeah, too bad that won't happen either.
Life blows.
ones a 92 and the other a 93....the 93 is waayyy funner to drive though. much lighter, sounds better...and it has alzenis. oh oh...and shes getting a 6puck clutch along with a 8lb flywheel this week (have clutch, flywheel has been shipped) weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
