Holy epic cooking fail #29843095790321883201 for me.
I give up. Kitchen wins. I fail.
Every single freaking time I use the oven, the damn fire alarm goes off. EVERY SINGLE TIME. I don't get it. How does anything get cooked without burning in that retarded piece of machinery?!
Okay, I kind of got how to do crab cakes once without burning them. But that was once out of a whole bunch of times, and I give up. Not everything is a prepackaged crab cake full of win. Every other time, crap catches on fire.
Only this evening, it was at another person's house. I was babysitting for one of my friends, and she left a pizza. Little did I know it was an unmicrowaveable pizza that goes into the oven.
First off, I couldn't figure out how to preheat the oven. I turned it on, set it to "bake" at "400" like the box said, but there wasn't a nice little "done" light like there is on those little microwave toaster oven-thingies (which I've slightly figured out a little better than big ovens). So, I asked the kids and explained that I didn't really know how to use an oven. Oops. I mean, I sort of know, and I should be able to figure this crap out, but nope. Then I end up calling the mom and asking how to preheat it. Should be ready and "preheated" after five minutes, so w00t, I'd inadvertently figured that one out while I was wondering how the heck to preheat the silly thing.
Then the pizza got stuck on the rack. And I got mad at it. And I yelled at it. And that was really embarrassing, because I was like, "um, kids, it's not cool to throw temper tantrums," but luckily, they just thought it was funny. Still, I was apologizing profusely about that for the rest of the night. (Luckily, the worst word I said loudly where they would hear it was "freakin'," as in "GET IN THE FREAKIN' OVEN!"--all while poking a mass of dough with a plastic stick into a flaming hot oven full of metal bits that would brand my forearm like a moocow's butt.
Box said to give it 19 to 20 minutes to cook. Cool. I set the timer for 20, but wanted to keep a watch on it after ten minutes or so, for obvious reasons. Checked on it after five--not burning. Decided to sit down and e-mail my project group about our crap that's due next week.
Not even ten minutes: smoke alarm is BLARING. He-kid actually comes away from his PS3 wondering about the noise. She-kid asks if it's edible.
Aughh.
FTR, it was edible, but that meant I got stuck with the burnt edge 'cause I felt bad.