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reason why im back so soon from vacation...

justin syder

Well-Known Member
Dec 8, 2003
New York, USA
1986 Mercedes-Benz 300E
a week before i left for PR, an aunt of mine got pneomonia after having an asma attack.

she should have been out of the hospitol within 8-10 days. 8 days after being in PR, we got news that she took a turn for the worse then two days later my family decided we should end vacation early in case funeral arrangements had to be made or whatever. we left PR to come back home and have visited her but she is terminally ill and only a miricle can save her. she is on a respirator and is basically day by day. 10 days in PR was okay but certain things take a back seat when it comes to family.

theres nothing we can do now except visit her and help financially or with legal matters, theres a possibility we might have to stop the machine that is keeping her alive. we are waiting to hopefully see her get better or eventually after a few weeks pass away.

sucks but that's life, you have to learn to take the good and the bad. i feel a bit bad as i wasnt really close to her and seeing my mom sad about the possibility of losing her sister is bad and i feel a little guilty about having little remorse for an aunt of mine.

sorry to bring anyone down but i figured i needed to inform you guys. maybe someone has been through this or anyone wouldnt mind talking about it.

it can show we arent just about cars and top gear, :wink: . trying to inject humor into a :( situation.
Hey bud, sorry to hear about your aunt. I don't think you should feel bad about not feeling remorse for your aunt, if you didn't know her well - it's hard to force any feelings that don't come as a natural thing.

I hope she will recover or if not, at least "sleep in" without any pain. This is probably hard on your mom so you should take extra care of her and give her your attention as she probably will need it from you in this time.

My host-dad that I lived with ( IL-'97-'98 ) during my exhange year recently passed away from heart faliure, so I know what you are going through.
This was difficult for me to cope with since I didn't have money to go over and attend the funeral or anything. Not being able to be with the people you love after someone close to you has passed away is hard.

Nice to have you back though, hope your holllidays was nice :)

Re: reason why im back so soon from vacation...

Hi justin,

Your family did the right thing by coming back early.

My fathers uncle passed away earlier in the year (his mother's brother) and it was a similar situation for me.
I didn't know the man, having only met him a handful of times as a child/toddler and once about 4 years ago, so didn't feel sadness.

I was, however, heartbroken watching my father mourn. He considered him a father, since my dad was brought up by him upto the age of about 13 because his own father was working overseas. He credits the man with instilling in him all the good qualities that my father possesses today (and a couple of bad ones , such as smoking and drinking!).

During the period of his hospitalization and after his death , I took 4 weeks from work (sacrificing my usually end of year holiday/partee) and was by my father's side. On hindsight it was fully worth it and I would do it again without hesitation. It was good to be able to 'be there' for my dad after all he has done for me getting me an education and what not.

justin syder said:
10 days in PR was okay but certain things take a back seat when it comes to family.

With an attitude like that you can't go wrong. You did the right thing by coming back from holidays, and not making your mom feel bad about it. She has enough on her plate.

Re: the lack of empathy.
Much better to be honest than a hypocrite who sheds crocodile tears (my opinion).
As you said, you were not close to her but you've wanted to comfort your mother. Just be there for your mum and try to make her days easier so she can focus on her sister.

An anecdote, that is car related. Dad loves this story.
My dad's uncle took my father on a hill climb at the age of 12. Dad said that he felt so sick that he vomitted, but my uncle refused to stop the car because he had to beat the clock. He also said not to throw up out of the window as he didn't want any spew getting splattered on the paintwork. Poor dad had to do his business in his lunch box and then sit there with the smelly pile. At least they finished in the top 10 and also won their class!
Its good that you are there for your mom, and your aunt. Don't know what else to say but best of wishes to your aunt and your family.
thanks you guys for your good input.

Re: the lack of empathy.
Much better to be honest than a hypocrite who sheds crocodile tears (my opinion).

im closer to other aunts but i havent seen this one as often since i was a kid. i'd be saddened by her passing but my mom would be far more devastated.

we'll see what happens and hope for a miricle.

thanks guys.
Hey, sorry to hear about your relative. As others have already said, you did the right thing. I could echo everything that has already been said about not worrying about your personal lack of empathy towards your aunt, but that would be unnecessary.

Keep your chin up and support your family.