Stig Introduction Competition

(for Caterham)... time to hand it over to our tame racing driver, Colin Stigman!
 
Some say, he wants to be James Bond, and that he looks great in a little black dress. All we know is, he's called The Stig.
 
Some say that he has the brain of a large bird and that he hoards shiny objects. All we know is he's called The Stig.
 
Some say his real name is Gordon Sumner, and that his biggest fans are elevators.
All we know is he's called The Sting.

( followed by footage of Sting being driven around the track by The Stig ) :D
 
Some say he is the Idiot Savant offspring of Jackie Stewart, and fears the sound of children laughing..............all we know is he's called The Stig
 
Some say his left leg can be used as a flotation device and that he has no concept of the number 3, all we know is he is called the Stig.
 
Some say he's only afraid of dragsters and that his helmet is empty, all we know is... he's called the Stig
 
Some say that he beat Deep Blue in a chess match, and that the only driver he ever lost a race against is.....James May!! All we know is he's called The Stig
 
Some say his arms and legs are interchangable and that he had his appendix removed twice...

Some say the shape his head is the holy grail of aerodynamics but his helmet is stuck on with superglue...

Some say his feet have active slip differencials and he spends his nights awake wishing he was a bunny...

Some say he can powerslide unicycles and drinks through his nose...

maybe i'll come up with more later.
 
Some say he can distinguish car brands from the smell of their exhaust fumes and that he breathes in carbonmonoxides while exhaling oxygen.
 
Some say he designed Beethem Tower, (explains the crookedness) and he IS the engine in a Mitsubishi Evo X. All we know is...He's called the Stig.

And for his fat cousin...

Some say if he jumps, the earth will plunge into the sun (nervous look) and he eats as much obsolete Personal Computers as he can find, garnished with cheese. All we know is he's called Fat Stig.
 
09x05 stig introduction was great, I paused the show to laugh.
 
Some say that he is the result of one passionate night between Jeremy Clarkson and Kristin Scott Thomas (disgusted look from audience members)... and that he has run-flat feet (the usual weird look)... all we know is he's called by his parents, in private, "our sweet little love child", but in public his father refuses to call him anything but "The Stig".
 
Firmin said:
Some say that he is the result of one passionate night between Jeremy Clarkson and Kristin Scott Thomas (disgusted look from audience members)... and that he has run-flat feet (the usual weird look)... all we know is he's called by his parents, in private, "our sweet little love child", but in public his father refuses to call him anything but "The Stig".
Click to expand...

LOL that was a great one! I love the run-flat feet! The second half "All we know" lost the rhythm a bit though! Isn't it supposed to just be "all we know is that he's called the Stig"? Hmm...good one anyway!
 
Some say he has a vacuum cleaner in his mouth and he doesn't bathe in a bath but he bathes in a water filled pothole, with Castrol GTX Magnetec as shampoo. All we know is...he's called the Stig!
 
a couple

Some say that he once helped a coyote catch a roadrunner and that he has brake lights on his arse... All we know is...he's called the Stig!

Some say that he once laid an egg and that his first car was a hearse... All we know is...he's called the Stig!

Some say that he has a fuel pump instead of a heart, and that his bed sheets feature Hello Kitty... All we know is...he's called the Stig!

Some say he?s a test dummy gone mad and that his name is Bob... All we know is...he's called the Stig!

Some say that his head is made out of Lego and that he feeds on parking fines... All we know is...he's called the Stig!
 
Some say that he once ate a Nissan Sunny whole in anger... and that Bugatti fears he'll blow the Veyron's tires in five seconds. All we know is, he's called the Stig.

Some say that the slowest he's been was testing farming tractors... and that his hair can be used as biofuel. All we know is, he's called the Stig.
 
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