Stupid Driver Stories

bone

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fuck you BMW!!!!!

you know that round thing just in front of you when you're driving?
if you hit the middle, your car makes a honking sound
don't hit it too hard when you have a BMW :rolleyes:



i fucking broke my steering wheel!! :mad:

i had noticed in the passed the BMW logo was dented in, and was convinced some mechanic did it during the last maintenance (because my car was too dirty or sth)
by now i realise it was probably me...but you should be able to smash it in anger! that's what the honk is for!
 

MWF

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:no:

The horn is there to provide an audible warning to other road users of your presence. If you find yourself using it as a rebuke for other drivers then the culprit is you. Drive properly and assume everyone else on the road is an idiot. That way when one of them inevitably proves the assumption you will be able to react in such a way that doesn't involve raised blood pressure.
 

prizrak

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:no:

The horn is there to provide an audible warning to other road users of your presence. If you find yourself using it as a rebuke for other drivers then the culprit is you. Drive properly and assume everyone else on the road is an idiot. That way when one of them inevitably proves the assumption you will be able to react in such a way that doesn't involve raised blood pressure.

That's patently untrue, I see people about to do dumb shit before they even think to do it but that doesn't make me any less pissed.
 

MWF

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That's patently untrue, I see people about to do dumb shit before they even think to do it but that doesn't make me any less pissed.

Then that is down to you as an individual and how you react to those situations. There will always be morons on the road. Nothing you can ever say or do is going to change that fact or alter their behaviour one iota. Getting riled about them isn't going to make any difference to anyone apart from you. Once you are resigned to that fact and make sure that you always give yourself an "idiot margin" you find that much of the stress of modern driving disappears.

At any one time 90% of people driving on the roads are doing so in a state of unconscious incompetence.

Being tailgated? Pull over at the first opportunity giving clear indication before doing so and let the idiot behind you become someone else's problem.
Stuck behind a dithering senior? Ease back so you can see overtaking opportunities clearly and in the meantime accept the fact that being old they probably aren't going very far anyway and will probably turn off soon.

Flashing your lights, leaning on your horn and driving too close are about the quickest way to activate another driver's "screw you" gland and lead to unpleasantness. The best way to deal with unwelcome situations is to avoid getting yourself into them in the first place.
 

bone

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i honk all the time, even at pigeons or red lights that don't turn green soon enough
doesn't make my blood boil though... (because i have sth in front of me that i can smash?)


i've seen cars that have the honk on the top of the indicator stalk...that would piss me off so bad, and wouldn't help a bit! :lol:
 
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prizrak

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Then that is down to you as an individual and how you react to those situations. There will always be morons on the road. Nothing you can ever say or do is going to change that fact or alter their behaviour one iota. Getting riled about them isn't going to make any difference to anyone apart from you. Once you are resigned to that fact and make sure that you always give yourself an "idiot margin" you find that much of the stress of modern driving disappears.

At any one time 90% of people driving on the roads are doing so in a state of unconscious incompetence.

Being tailgated? Pull over at the first opportunity giving clear indication before doing so and let the idiot behind you become someone else's problem.
Stuck behind a dithering senior? Ease back so you can see overtaking opportunities clearly and in the meantime accept the fact that being old they probably aren't going very far anyway and will probably turn off soon.

Flashing your lights, leaning on your horn and driving too close are about the quickest way to activate another driver's "screw you" gland and lead to unpleasantness. The best way to deal with unwelcome situations is to avoid getting yourself into them in the first place.

Being tailgated? Drop a couple of cogs and leave them in the dust. Stuck behind someone slow? Wait for overtake moment floor it and cut them off. That's how a man deals with unpleasantness!
 

MWF

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Being tailgated? Drop a couple of cogs and leave them in the dust. Stuck behind someone slow? Wait for overtake moment floor it and cut them off. That's how a man deals with unpleasantness!

Well of course it all depends on which part of one's anatomy one thinks with....
 

Spectre

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Being tailgated? Pull over at the first opportunity giving clear indication before doing so and let the idiot behind you become someone else's problem.

If I'm driving my truck, I literally cannot see someone tailgating me (and in any event, I am not legally responsible for what happens if they run into the giant steel rear bumper) so I don't care. I generally don't have a problem with tailgaters in the Jag or on the bikes, though for different reasons.

Stuck behind a dithering senior? Ease back so you can see overtaking opportunities clearly and in the meantime accept the fact that being old they probably aren't going very far anyway and will probably turn off soon.

The next time you are here, we are going to take you out to Gun Barrel City, where there are lots of old people, and we're going to stick you in a rental Versa on a one-lane-each-way-no-passing-for-next-40-miles road behind an old woman in a Cadillac boat going half the limit. Then we'll see what you have to say about that... :p (The old woman in question actually *is* still capable of safely driving quite a lot faster and she still races motorcycles at the age of 70, it's just that she'll happily volunteer for the experiment. She even has a wig to make her look like the classic "old blue haired lady with a bouffant." :D She really does own a 1987 Cadillac Fleetwood, but it's got the engine from a wrecked Corvette Z06 in it and everything Hotchkiss and others could come up with for the suspension. :D)

Flashing your lights, leaning on your horn and driving too close are about the quickest way to activate another driver's "screw you" gland and lead to unpleasantness. The best way to deal with unwelcome situations is to avoid getting yourself into them in the first place.

Flashing your lights used to be the polite way to request slower traffic move over.
 
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MWF

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Flashing your lights rarely does anything here bar annoy the other driver especially close up and doing it repeatedly. Occasionally if I am coming up behind another driver who is going considerably slower than me and if I can see he/she has the room to pull over immediately I will flash just the once to warn them of my presence (which is recommended) but no more than that.

There is a far better way to get people to move over that I was taught by a serving, pursuit-trained member of the Met Police. It involves no horn or lights, has proven to be almost infallible and most other drivers aren't even aware you are doing it to them.
 

bone

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the only time i will flash my lights, is to give way to someone
or to say hi to someone i know, but most of the time, i will flash my hazards in that case...
 

GRtak

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Flashing your lights rarely does anything here bar annoy the other driver especially close up and doing it repeatedly. Occasionally if I am coming up behind another driver who is going considerably slower than me and if I can see he/she has the room to pull over immediately I will flash just the once to warn them of my presence (which is recommended) but no more than that.

There is a far better way to get people to move over that I was taught by a serving, pursuit-trained member of the Met Police. It involves no horn or lights, has proven to be almost infallible and most other drivers aren't even aware you are doing it to them.


And?


You can't just say you have the answer and run off without telling us.
 

MWF

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Well as best I can since it's easier to explain in person, ideally in the pub with cardboard beer mats.

1. While staying roughly 3 car lengths back from the car that you want to move over, position your driver's side wheels as close to the median as possible. This serves two functions: it ensures you are clearly visible in both his/her rear view and driver's side mirrors and more importantly it gives you a clear view of the road ahead so you can anticipate things to which you will need to react.
2. When a suitable gap opens up into which they can safely and easily pull over halve your distance between your car and theirs but no closer.
3. If they fail to get the hint drop back to three car lengths, wait for the next gap then repeat step 2.

I was taught this about 8 years ago, only once has it failed completely and I can probably count on one hand the number of occasions where I have had to employ step 3 more than twice. I have used it not only in Ukania but also on continental Europe and in the US and it works equally well there as here. The good thing about the whole thing is that is doesn't show any aggression, wind up other drivers or compromise your own safety margins.

Try it a few times and you may be pleasantly surprised.
 
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SirEdward

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Well as best I can since it's easier to explain in person, ideally in the pub with cardboard beer mats.

1. While staying roughly 3 car lengths back from the car that you want to move over, position your driver's side wheels as close to the median as possible. This serves two functions: it ensures you are clearly visible in both his/her rear view and driver's side mirrors and more importantly it gives you a clear view of the road ahead so you can anticipate things to which you will need to react.
2. When a suitable gap opens up into which they can safely and easily pull over halve your distance between your car and theirs but no closer.
3. If they fail to get the hint drop back to three car lengths, wait for the next gap then repeat step 2.

I was taught this about 8 years ago, only once has it failed completely and I can probably count on one hand the number of occasions where I have had to employ step 3 more than twice. I have used it not only in Ukania but also on continental Europe and in the US and it works equally well there as here. The good thing about the whole thing is that is doesn't show any aggression, wind up other drivers or compromise your own safety margins.

Try it a few times and you may be pleasantly surprised.

Are you really sure it works? I have people tailgating me with one wheel -over- the median, because they want to pass, when there's no way for them to do so and -not- passing me when the road is free, sometimes even if I move as far to the right as I can, and I feel their behaviour as quite aggressive and unsettling. I admit it's quite more extreme than your suggstions, but still... At the same time, I have seen people potting in the middle of the road, unperturbed by anything around them, like... another entire free lane where they should be driving instead, let alone by a car 1 and a half car lengths behind them. Plus, If I stay three car lenghts behind, someone is going to overtake me before the car in front moves away. Also, that would ruin my fuel consumption, which is not exactly nice.

I'll give it a try, though, you made me curious on this psychological trickery.
 
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MWF

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I've never tried it in Italy, I think the national driving temperament may prevent it working there but it has certainly worked for me here, in France, Belgium and 'Schland although as Spectre pointed out my success with it in Texas was more likely due to the fact that I was driving his ex-police Crown Vic at the time! :lol:
 

prizrak

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Well as best I can since it's easier to explain in person, ideally in the pub with cardboard beer mats.

1. While staying roughly 3 car lengths back from the car that you want to move over, position your driver's side wheels as close to the median as possible. This serves two functions: it ensures you are clearly visible in both his/her rear view and driver's side mirrors and more importantly it gives you a clear view of the road ahead so you can anticipate things to which you will need to react.
2. When a suitable gap opens up into which they can safely and easily pull over halve your distance between your car and theirs but no closer.
3. If they fail to get the hint drop back to three car lengths, wait for the next gap then repeat step 2.

I was taught this about 8 years ago, only once has it failed completely and I can probably count on one hand the number of occasions where I have had to employ step 3 more than twice. I have used it not only in Ukania but also on continental Europe and in the US and it works equally well there as here. The good thing about the whole thing is that is doesn't show any aggression, wind up other drivers or compromise your own safety margins.

Try it a few times and you may be pleasantly surprised.

Lol 3 car lengths, if you leave a gap large enough to fit a smart car there will be someone in it within seconds around here.
 

MWF

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Well that's the ideal from a point of view of your own safety and those around you but feel free to adjust it to suit local driving conditions. I believe the recommended gap in your part of the world to be about 7".
 

prizrak

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Well that's the ideal from a point of view of your own safety and those around you but feel free to adjust it to suit local driving conditions. I believe the recommended gap in your part of the world to be about 7".

If bumpers ain't touching you are too far away. I'll try this out I'm also curious.
 
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