Can't Start His Wank
- Oct 4, 2005
- '13 Moto Guzzi V7, '08 Pontiac Solstice GXP
Did you piss off a witch doctor at some point of your life? Shity drivers seem to be attracted to you. At least this scrapbooker didn't run you over.Quick, name some stupid things people do while driving?
Talking on the phone?
Putting on makeup?
Try scrapbooking. Yes, fucking scrapbooking!
For those of you who don't know this, scrapbooking is a quaint little hobby that involves the adult application of pre-school cut-and-paste skills to make ornate and pointless picture albums.
I was sitting at a stop light and looked over to see some woman in a Ford minivan with her two crotch-droppings strapped in the back seat. She was using serrated scissors and cutting up construction paper so it would have a frilly edge and be all pretty or something.
"Well," I said to myself, "that's a new one. At least no one is possibly dumb enough to drive around with scissors between their chest and the explosive airbag that can deploy at speeds 320 kph, which would probably impale you nicely on your own shears."
But she did. Driving a minivan with her loin-spawn in the back, weaving around while trying to use both hands to cut paper. It took me about a block to fully come to grips with my newly decreased faith in humanity - and since this is me, you can imagine how little I had before - finally I just lay on the horn until she decided that arts and crafts hour should not be done while driving.
I swear, it's a good thing I don't own a gun.
... oh wait.