The best ever Clarkson,Hammond and May Quotes

James:

"Those people say "oooooh, dolphins, they're so clever", but they're not are they? They can't even engineer an E-Diff"
 
otispunkmeyer said:
Jeremy - has way to many good quotes. but a good one was this weeks.

"youd be the same if graham norton was coming" - to hamster after he took the mick out of JC for dressing nice for KST
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Yeah, that was priceless!

A bit nitpicking though: I think he said it to James :D

If you follow his eyes during the news session you'll notice that his gaze goes from right and down(Hammond) to straight ahead(James) a lot. And he's pointing and looking straight ahead while making that comment. That and he started it with "don't know what you're laughing about..." because James was laughing to Hammonds "this is pathetic" comment about Jezza defending France..

don't know why I notice these things.. could be wrong ofcourse..


I know the quote has already been mentioned in this thread, but my alltime favourite is and always will be(slightly modified):

"We are now at the cutting edge of cocking about"
 
Teuppa said:
Yeah, that was priceless!

A bit nitpicking though: I think he said it to James :D

If you follow his eyes during the news session you'll notice that his gaze goes from right and down(Hammond) to straight ahead(James) a lot. And he's pointing and looking straight ahead while making that comment. That and he started it with "don't know what you're laughing about..." because James was laughing to Hammonds "this is pathetic" comment about Jezza defending France..

don't know why I notice these things.. could be wrong ofcourse..


I know the quote has already been mentioned in this thread, but my alltime favourite is and always will be(slightly modified):

"We are now at the cutting edge of cocking about"
Click to expand...

i dont know tbh, graham norton is gay so i just presumed it was aimed at hamster because he is usally the butt of gay jokes as well as clothes, hair, teeth lol everything graham norton would take pride in.
 
Jezza commenting on the filler pipe thing for petrol in the american special: "I`m not a stupid man.......!?!" the tone was priceless :D
 
2x08 (reviewing the Citro?n Pluriel):
JM: Ow, ow, ow. Ow!
RH: Going, uh, left.
JM: Citro?n has the belief that most people will prefer to drive it with the roof rails in place. Well, I can see why.
RH: Yeah, because it's really...
JM: It's in place, or it's in your crotch. [pause] So, is it going to rain, then?
RH: Yeah. Almost certainly.
JM: Hm. Well, I brought the roof. Just to be on the safe side.

4x01 (on robotic traffic cones):
JC: How much are they?
JM: They're very expensive - you've got sat nav in them and all that sort of thing. But they think, if they make lots of them, they'll get the price down to less than 200 quid each.
RH: 200 quid each?! You'll need millions of them!
JC: Twenty eight billion of them!
JM: No, not for road works. I've put an order in for a dozen. My thinking is, if I'm going into town the next day, I send me cones off in the middle of the night to grab a parking space for me.

5x02:
JC: Oh! Just before we do the news, we've got a letter. Got to share it with you... Um, here. Pink note paper. All the i's have got little circles on them. Ready? 'Dear Richard...'
RH: Oh. Right.
JC: '...Yeah, I watch Top Gear. I think you're the best looking guy on the program.'
RH: That's hardly an achievement, is it?!
JC: Fair point. 'You're cool, good looking, ace hairstyle, wicked clothes...'
RH: She sounds great!
JC: 'Best wishes...' Yeah, that, that's 'Stuart'.
RH: ...It's a modern world - that's alright, Stuart.
JC: It gets better! Because would you like to know Stuart's address?
RH: Not really. No.
JC: Folkston Wing, Her Majesty's Prison, Bradwall[?].
RH: Bradwall?
JC: He's getting out soon and he wants to know...
RH: But he could be watching now! Shut up!
JC: No, listen! 'What did you do with all the shirts from the last series? Can I have them?'
RH: [turns to camera] No! No, you can't-- Or, or yes. I-- How long is he going to be at that... address? Do we know?
JM: It's better than that! [turns to audience] Stuart, come on in!
RH: [looks terrified]
JM: I'm kidding.
RH: I don't like that.

8x05:
JM: Subaru are arranging a series of track days. For ?250 you can go to the Pro Drive Test Track and trash around in an Impreza or one of those bigger ones whose name...
JC: Legacies.
JM: Legacy! That's the one. Um, there's only a few conditions... Uh, you have to be eighteen years or over, you have to have had a full driving license for a year... Oh! And you have to be between 5'2" and 6'7", so that leaves you two out. Excellent.
JC: That's heightist, that!
RH: That is heightist!
JM: I can't think of a better recommendation, actually.
JC: Than what?
RH: Than us not being able to do it?
JM: Exactly. [turns to face camera] I'll be going - I'll see you there.

:lol:
 
Wikiquote has a large collection of quotes. and I simply cannot put any here, partly becuase i'm too lazy, but mostly because a better one will appear.
 
clarkson quotes

"The only person to look good in the back of a four seater convertable was Hitler"

Health and Safety Officer: "What would happen if a cameraman were to slip over?"
Clarkson: "Well, he'd probably have to stand back up again"
 
May-after bumper falls off Aygo "I've broken my Metatarsal!"
 
S02E01

Vulcsvagen "neuer Kaefer":

:JC:"This is like a convertible people carrier. That huge dashboard, so that people can play football on it. You need binoculars to see if the wipers are working."

Introduction of James May:

:JC:"This being a new series of top gear. we thought we try out a new presenter, Ok. He's called James May and on the evidence of what we're about to see, he is a blithering idiot."
 
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some of my favorites

some of my favorites

James May - on diesel convertibles
'It's like a supermodel smoking a pipe, its just wrong'



Jezza on the 350Z
The 350Z is like a raw hamburger curry served in disinterested way on a garlicky bed of au jus




Hamster on the MB G Wagen
The Mercedes G Wagen AMG 55. It's hilarious. It's a bit like those stories you hear about a 21 year old lap dancer marrying an 86 year old billionaire. It doesn't sound natural but lets face it, they're both gonna have a great time.




Jezza on the Chrylser Crossfire
The Chrysler Crossfire has to be the worst example of American-German cooperation since a chap called Adolphus Busch arrived in the states, tasted the water and thought 'MMMM, i could make BEER out of this! And we ended up with that headache in a can called Budweiser'




Jezza on what i think is the Jag XJR
'I hate car journeys, they're so mind crushingly boring, but after 6 hrs and 330 miles in the Jag, i was relaxed, no matter what the irritation. This is Radio 1. Now normally its like having a rusty screwdriver shoved into the side of your head. I dont know, today its fine, if you listen to this chap, he wants to 'bitchslap his ho'. Why not? good luck to ya fellow.'
 
When the guys had to get a quote on their cars:

RH: "I said i was an afterdinner speaker."
JC: "What???"
RH: "I've done two!!!"
 
During the news talking the idea of a rover space station no idea which episode though...

JM : Just imagine the Rover space station, it would be dark green and have a nice clock somewhere.
JC : Yeah, 'T minus 5 minutes to...' [in Birmingahm accent] Tea, did someone say tea! Oo yes please
 
09x04

It is time to brace ourselves, hasten unto the shed, and liberate ourselves from the abyss made dark by the lights of perverted German science.

- James May
 
Not really funny but gives me chills:

"I'm so alive!! I'm SO alive!!" -RH after the second I think test run in the Vampire Dragster
 
Yeah, whoa that was creeeepy! A lot of irony in that dragster footage. Also "and possibly the biggest car accident you've ever seen"!!!!! (I quote loosely)
 
Just found this from the Reliant Orbiter segment

JM:"There's a long wire leading from launch control down to the rocket and unfortunately it had a break in it somewhere."
RH: "James, a cow ran through it!"
 
alistair_1990 said:
During the news talking the idea of a rover space station no idea which episode though...

JM : Just imagine the Rover space station, it would be dark green and have a nice clock somewhere.
JC : Yeah, 'T minus 5 minutes to...' [in Birmingahm accent] Tea, did someone say tea! Oo yes please
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It was from 02x04

JM: "The rover space station would be fab actually wouldnt it, it would be dark metallic green, and it would have a grill on that would sort of appear every 24 hours as it rotated."

RH: "And a really nice clock somewhere as well."

JC: "Im just thinking of the idea of rover launching something. [in Birmingahm accent] ahh its T-minus six seconds. Did someone say tea. ahhh no no no we gotta go into space. Its three thirty now, we're knocking off mate. we'll do the launch in the morning"
 
Haderach said:
TG [02x09]


And also in the same episode:

JC: This is a country where homosexual marriage is legal.
RH (sitting between Jeremys legs and speaking with ?dutch accent"): He is my partner and also my lover.

:lol: :lol: :lol:
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*ded*

I have NEVER seen this! I assume it's because we get an edited version on BBC Canada. You would THINK we would see it without issue, as we ALSO have legalized gay marriage.

I can actually hear Hammond saying it, and now I have to see it. :hamster: :lmao:
 
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