The best ever Clarkson,Hammond and May Quotes

[Marquise]

[2x09]
RH: "Oh... mate... never going to be able to get that out of my mind - where I've just been. Jammed between Jeremy's thighs in a Dutch three-wheeler."
JM: "Shut up."
RH: "Hoo -yeah!"

 

[dMa]

JC: There are shanty towns in Africa that are built better than Reno


season 6 ep 4

 

[otispunkmeyer]

It's great.

What makes me really angry relating to swearing on television, is this: Who decides that swearing is bad? What is fundamentally wrong with saying "fuck"?

It's like calling a type of sexuality abnormal. First of all, 'normal sexuality' was defined by the brits in the 19th century, it's a Victorian invention..

Secondly, when a Norwegian writer were on trial for publishing a pornographic book in the 50s, the prosecuter said "In your book, you describe a scene where a woman is having sex with two men, one entering her vagina, the other her anus. Would you call this normal?"

The writer answered quite nicely "well, Sir, in medicine, that is called <insert medical term, can't remember>, and it's defined as a quite common abnormality."



But really. Why is swearing bad? I couldn't be bothered less if my future kids learned to swear, it's just human nature. But then again, normal human nature is scary for moralistic morons. I truely hate those sobs, I hope they get stabbed in the milt. I really do.

this is why they should re-screen an unedited version later on on a sunday night for the adult viewers. so they can leave in all the swearing, jokes and racism. that would be gold.

kids today will pick up all the bad language under the sun in the bloody play ground, they'll even invent some of their own. infact me an my mates use the words, shit, fuck, bastard, bitch, dick, cock, cvnt, etc etc etc on a daily basis...they're not even remotely shocking anymore. of course we only do that among friends, not when talking to certain others like lecturers, and thats the thing...for us we understand when we can and cant use swearing, we understand that its not advtageous to run your mouth when you want something from someone, or your speaking to a superior.

little kids however, dont. they'll of heard a new word on TV and they 'll wanna use it as much as they can.

 

[ahpadt]

I found this on on IMDB which i found pretty funny

Jeremy Clarkson: [on the Corvette Z06] ... as something to live with every day, I'd rather have bird flu.

I also like this:

JC doing an american accent:
"..it cant find London, cant find France, but it will find you a burger!"

 

[nomix]

this is why they should re-screen an unedited version later on on a sunday night for the adult viewers. so they can leave in all the swearing, jokes and racism. that would be gold.

Agree totally.

kids today will pick up all the bad language under the sun in the bloody play ground, they'll even invent some of their own. infact me an my mates use the words, shit, fuck, bastard, bitch, dick, cock, cvnt, etc etc etc on a daily basis...they're not even remotely shocking anymore. of course we only do that among friends, not when talking to certain others like lecturers, and thats the thing...for us we understand when we can and cant use swearing, we understand that its not advtageous to run your mouth when you want something from someone, or your speaking to a superior.

Well, to be honest, I'm not even sure if I'd like to call it 'bad language' at all. After all, we are only speaking about words, not actions. If we need to keep this horrible rolleyes language away from kids, then I suppose we should at the same time make it illegal to influence kids in any way, when it comes to politics or religion. I am not in favor of letting a government agency telling me what is good moral, and I am even more recentful towards letting a commercial agency decieding that. If I think my children need to be shielded from bad language, then I don't let them watch TV.

But what I think we need to do firstly, is to stop this illusion that 'bad' words in themsleves are bad. They are bad if we want them to, there is no eternal rule that says "fuck" is bad. It's only people eventually following in a pack after whoever decieded that saying "fuck", "cock" or something like that is bad. I was actually as shocked to hear that people are fined and placed under arrest for swearing in Britain, as I was to hear that people are arrested for being homosexuals in some American states.

There is, allthough, a big difference between swearing, and the use of 'bad language' towards others. If I call a police officer 'a fucking ****', that is not right, and that should get a reaction, but if I go past a police officer, saying "Fuck this, I need a beer", that should not be criminal.

As for swearing in daily life. I swear quite a lot, I never meet trouble when using sentences like "dette er faenmeg hardt" (this is fucking tough) in school, for instance. But there is a time and a place for everything. I don't think swearing needs to be an indication there's very little happening between the ears, that's just a stupid argument. There are situations where it is true, but then again, there are opposite situations, where very polite language might conceal a blithering idiot.

The condemnation of swearing is in my mind similar to the idea of "normal sexuality". Normal sexuality is what hangs around from the time of Queen Victoria, the norms and morals from that age. It's still in use when we define the 'norm', which I find absolutely amazing!

 

[Vltros]

I loved Clarkson's Quote from the "Top Gear of the Pops" special reviewing the Golf GT:

"It's as comfortable as falling downstairs wearing leg calipers"

Simply Brilliant, no wonder why it's the best Tv show ever!

 

[DaShowstoppa]

Hamster explaining oversteer and understeer:

Understeer is when you're going along and you turn a corner, the car goes straight on hits a tree ...and you die.
Now oversteer is when you come to a corner, the back comes round - you hit a tree..... and you die.
The thing to remember is that Oversteer is best because then you don't see the tree that kills you!

Clarkson on the demise of May's ?10,000 Lamborghini as it leaks fluid "Oh my God, your car's done a wee"

Hammond (in the Vampire) "What are they for?"
Vampire engineer "Arm restraints, in case you go upside down"
Hammond "I don't want to go upside down" (eerie given what happens)


Hammond on the french cliff "I HAVE NOT HAD MY TEETH DONE!"


Mike

 

[NicoSavidge]

May as Clarkson rams his boat: "You utter pirate!"

i don't know why, but i laughed for days at that one

 

[HondaF1]

01x07 Think Electric Car vs Jason race.

RH: "For comparisson we have lined it up against something equally spritely...... Jason"

 

[Danny Tran]

... all men are intrinsically rapists and the only reason we don?t actually molest every single girl we see is because we?re all at home beating up our wives.

http://driving.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/driving/jeremy_clarkson/article1650328.ece

 

[Marquise]

Inspecting the crushed bumper on the rally car in the inter-faith race...

Jeremy:"The Bishop! The Bishop is responsible! ... Well, there we are. How do you feel?"

Bishop: "Unrepentant."

 

[nomix]

I have to say I laughed at Jezza on HIGNFY.

"No, you should come on Top Gear. See how fast you can go without brakes.."

 

[DaShowstoppa]

Just bought the Winter Olympics DVD:

Clarkson: I can guarantee that your barrier won't stop the mini.
Hammond: Why's that
Clarkson: Two reasons really, firstly it's not substantial enough and mainly because you've built it in front of this slope, and the mini's coming down that one.
Hammond: Right .. a few adjustments.
Clarkson (Killing himself with laughter) : You complete and total ... did no-one tell you?
Hammond: No - Obviously.... OR I'D HAVE BUILT IT OVER THERE! :lol:



Mike

 

[ahpadt]

Clarkson: I can guarantee that your barrier won't stop the mini.
Hammond: Why's that
Clarkson: Two reasons really, firstly it's not substantial enough and mainly because you've built it in front of this slope, and the mini's coming down that one.
Hammond: Right .. a few adjustments.
Clarkson (Killing himself with laughter) : You complete and total ... did no-one tell you?
Hammond: No - Obviously.... OR I'D HAVE BUILT IT OVER THERE! :lol:

 

[Cryptopygia]

One of my favorites was Hammond replying "Yeah, it's going well" while sliding down the Lillehammer ski jump, with shovel in hand. Also, Jeremy after installing a seat in the Caterham backwards: "how did I do that?"

 

[nitehawk]

In Season 7 Episode 4, during the conclusion of the ?10,000 supercar challenge, Jeremy, with no brakes, ended up losing the challenge by running into a hedge.

The goal was to arrive up at a strip club. After the challenge, he said "I was hoping to end the evening in a different type of hedge" AHAH :lol:

I just started watching Top Gear recently, and I am obsessed! I absolutely love it! 8)

 

[zondagirl]

My favourite is in my signature...

I think ( but don't quote me ) is either from the 1st or 2nd Series.

 

[Danny Tran]

"I'd like to run over the people on X-Factor with a Mustang."

 

[Crom]

Sorry for offtopic but be aware of trojan horse at page 11 of this topic.
"Trojan-Spy.Win32.Banker" keeps trying to get in when loading that page. Seems to be in some .jpg according to infected cache file extension.

 

[Maarre]

Hammond: "Here's the interphone. You press that button when you want to talk to me, if it starts to rain don't press it because you'll get electrocuted"

:lol: