The best ever Clarkson,Hammond and May Quotes

Aces High

Active Member
Joined
Aug 5, 2009
Messages
277
Location
Lithuania
Car(s)
Datsun... 1993 Primera (P10)
Jeremy: [About his Ford GT] The thing is, I think I'm right in saying that I have never completed a single journey, anywhere there and back, in it ever. Which must make it the most unreliable car... ever made. In fact, if you've got a more unreliable one, write to us at "Actually, I've Got a Peugeot" BBC Top Gear, London W12...
 

stiggles

Well-Known Member
Joined
May 28, 2007
Messages
940
Location
Devon, United Kingdom
Spoiler Text: (Click here to toggle display)
Words to the effect of:
Where's Hammond?
I dunno. Should we call him?
*retard button is pushed*
RH, arriving milliseconds later: Okay chaps, let's get started!
 

jedd_kenobi

Forum Addict
Joined
Oct 16, 2009
Messages
6,498
Location
Gallifrey
Car(s)
A Blue Police Box
Spoiler Text: (Click here to toggle display)

Clarkson looking around and knocking on houses to find electricity to refuel Geoff.
"thats odd, i thought everyone was unemployed?"
 

ozgirl

Well-Known Member
Joined
May 26, 2009
Messages
765
Location
Hampshire, UK
Car(s)
Focus 1.6 Zetec: unoriginal but good
RH "That's the worst-looking car I've ever seen. I'd rather look at one of your dingleberries"
 

clarksonjr

Active Member
Joined
Jun 3, 2009
Messages
256
RH "That's the worst-looking car I've ever seen. I'd rather look at one of your dingleberries"
JC some say in the autnm all his arms go brown and fall off and that if he wrote you a letter of condolance
he would at least get your name right all we know is he's called the stog
JM: Can you stop driving like such an arse? It's not going to make any difference.
RH: I'm driving quickly, that will make a difference in a race
Jeremy Clarkson: Some say that last week, he was found locked in a room tied to a chair with German piano wire and that this week, MPs turned him down for the job of Speaker. All we know is, that's three things he has in common with Margaret Beckett
Richard Hammond: [referring to Stig] Actually, I'm quite glad it's him in that car because today, that McLaren is worth ?2m. If we do come together, though, he does know the drill: run and meet at the border.
Jeremy Clarkson: This is a car programme. There will be no cushions. There will be no rag-rolling. No-one will sing and at the end of the series no-one will have a recording contract
Richard Hammond: James! What are you doing?

James May: Shooting at Jeremy.

Richard Hammond: But he's on our side!

James May: Yeah, but why wouldn't you?

Richard Hammond: You're right, you would. Fire!

Richard Hammond: James, some say you saved our bacon.
James May: Others say I was bound and gagged in the locker room.
Kiff the Sound Man: Jeremy! Jeremy! my arm's come off!

Jeremy Clarkson: What!?
Kiff the Sound Man: My arm's come off!

Jeremy Clarkson: [laughing] Nobody has ever said that in a car race before.
 
Last edited:

TheGoodDoctor

Member
Joined
Oct 20, 2007
Messages
20
Location
Canada
Car(s)
04 330ci 6spd
Clarkson: "They're building what can only be described as... yes that's a public execution" LOOOL every time at this
 

danmead

Member
Joined
Aug 18, 2009
Messages
80
Location
Alabama, USA
Car(s)
2006 Suzuki Grand Vitara
From 12x03

JC (talking about James): So before letting him loose on our track in a very fast car, we thought it would be a good idea for him to get some training. So we said to him, "James, go anywhere you like, ok, for your training. Just not Finland."

(Cut to the video)

JM: Finland.
 
Last edited:

MWF

Now needs wood
Joined
May 29, 2008
Messages
27,240
Location
MWF HQ, Ukadia
Car(s)
MX-5 1.8i Indiana SE, update pending
From the electric car outtakes in the windtunnel:

JC "Our cars is more aerodynamic than James May's face!"
 

ozgirl

Well-Known Member
Joined
May 26, 2009
Messages
765
Location
Hampshire, UK
Car(s)
Focus 1.6 Zetec: unoriginal but good
Spoiler Text: (Click here to toggle display)
JC: "...a pedantic long-haired old queen" (about JM)
JC " I'm going to change gear now, so there's going to be man-touching"
 
Last edited:

Buffy_09

Well-Known Member
Joined
Jan 23, 2009
Messages
2,257
Location
Limerick, Ireland
Spoiler Text: (Click here to toggle display)
Jezza-"If you are pregnant, and in labour, and find yourself in a Kia...for God's sake...GET OUT OF IT!!"
 

Kiskaloo

Well-Known Member
Joined
Jan 10, 2009
Messages
1,283
Location
Seattle, WA
Series 10, Episode 06 - The News

Commenting on the price of various liquids per liter, Jeremy notes that bull semen runs GBP25,000 a liter. Later, he notes that the last time he filled up, it cost him GBP35,000* to which James May accused him of being an idiot and filling his car up with bull semen.

Richard - "You didn't notice the handle was different?"




* - The true reason was because the station attendant nicked his credit card number and sold it, so "some bloke in California" was running up charges.
 

capra

Active Member
Joined
Sep 21, 2008
Messages
364
Location
Canada
Car(s)
1990 Chevy Corsica LT
Series 10, Episode 06 - The News

Commenting on the price of various liquids per liter, Jeremy notes that bull semen runs GBP25,000 a liter. Later, he notes that the last time he filled up, it cost him GBP35,000* to which James May accused him of being an idiot and filling his car up with bull semen.

Richard - "You didn't notice the handle was different?"
Richard: *mooo* And now it's chasing me! I don't want it anymore!

:lol:
 

Richmondgal

Well-Known Member
Joined
Feb 19, 2008
Messages
2,858
Location
Melbourne, Australia
Car(s)
Still a Hyundai Getz
From 14x03

Spoiler Text: (Click here to toggle display)
Richard: Have you seen Mamma Mia?
Jeremy: Yes
Richard: You big girl
 

ozgirl

Well-Known Member
Joined
May 26, 2009
Messages
765
Location
Hampshire, UK
Car(s)
Focus 1.6 Zetec: unoriginal but good
JC :"If you say Morrisons I'm going to stab you in the heart" and
"I've got a vision of James May smearing himself in marmalade"
" And what goes with guns? You're right, drink"
 
Last edited:
Top