The best ever Clarkson,Hammond and May Quotes

During the England-to-Verbier Race...

James: Jeremy, I've just calculated, is around about here... *points on the map, just east of Dijon* ...at the side of the road, talking to a... "gendarme". But, in a few hours time, he'll be up here... *points to the centre of Paris* ...in a place called "Le Bastille"!

Just as the first part of the "Lightning Bolt hitting the car" film finishes...

Richard: ....and we'll find out later if I die!
 
During TG Winter Olympics (Suzuki Swift Ice Hockey)

JC: "A vaccum cleaner?! Does Top Gear have a vacuum cleaner? NO!"


Moments later:

James to Jeremy: I've scored two brilliant goals whilst you being chatting up some Norwegian woman and standing in the bar

$SomeGuy, probably Bjorn: That was my wife!
 
yahooooo said:
During TG Winter Olympics (Suzuki Swift Ice Hockey)

JC: "A vaccum cleaner?! Does Top Gear have a vacuum cleaner? NO!"


Moments later:

James to Jeremy: I've scored two brilliant goals whilst you being chatting up some Norwegian woman and standing in the bar

$SomeGuy, probably Bjorn: That was my wife!
Click to expand...

actually that reminds me of another from the same episode where they're talking about ski's on a mini.
One of the Rocket Dudes: We'll have to make them.
JC: Well yes, obviously we'll have to make them. We can't go down to the ski shop and ask 'Have you got skis for a Mini'?
 
From 4x03, and this has probably been said before,
jc: "160 brake horsepower"
rh + jm: "yeah, but 160 TONS of volvo!"
Just the way they said it together. Epiccc.

Plus... 11x02
jc: "and, this, is two thousand pounds less than that"
rh: "but the subaru is seven thousand pounds less than that!"
jc: "yes but there's lots of things that are cheaper than that. I mean, would you like to have, keyhole surgery on your scrotum? that's very cheap. d'you want that?"
rh: "no!"
jc: "there you are you see, i've won the argument!"
 
JC: *to the tune of Smoke On The Water (near the end of the Verbier race)* Swiss tiiiime... is runnin' out! We knew that we would lose the ra-ace..!
 
11x06

Hammond: There's a new TV show in Germany. It's all about cars, and it's hosted by three people.
Clarkson: I can't imagine where they got idea from.
Hammond: No.
Clarkson: No idea. Anyway, they got in touch with us and they invited us to take them on in a series of races and challenges.
May: Now obviously we needed somewhere to stage this.
Clarkson: Yes, I suggested we did it in the skies over southern England.
May: In fact, we settled on Belgium, which is a country invented so that Britain and Germany would have somewhere to sort out their differences.
Hammond: Yeah, and on that point the producers told us, "now listen - you're representing the BBC, you can't just turn up and go on about the war."
*Clips to shot of May*
 
zetruz said:
11x06

Hammond: There's a new TV show in Germany. It's all about cars, and it's hosted by three people.
Clarkson: I can't imagine where they got idea from.
Hammond: No.
Clarkson: No idea. Anyway, they got in touch with us and they invited us to take them on in a series of races and challenges.
May: Now obviously we needed somewhere to stage this.
Clarkson: Yes, I suggested we did it in the skies over southern England.
May: In fact, we settled on Belgium, which is a country invented so that Britain and Germany would have somewhere to sort out their differences.
Hammond: Yeah, and on that point the producers told us, "now listen - you're representing the BBC, you can't just turn up and go on about the war."
*Clips to shot of May*
Click to expand...

the look on James May's face makes that moment even more funny.
 
It's not actually a quote but in the Veyron vrs Cessna race. When JC enters Switzerland:
?The hills are alive with the sound of VROOM!?
 
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In S08E06 when they ask James how hard is it to drive a bus.

James: "...Its easier, actually. Because you are not being filmed...so you can have a joint!...oh no sorry"
 
nate_bartlet said:
the look on James May's face makes that moment even more funny.
Click to expand...

It does indeed...
I captioned that one with, 'you didn't, did you?' and then made it my friend's desktop. She loves James. It's odd.
 
JC and JM talking about the Cayman

JC: "...because it's nowhere near as nice to drive as a Boxster. It just isn't as delicate. And if you pull up at the lights next to someone in a 911, it's like going to the urinals next to a horse"
 
JM: ...that means, essentially, in case you missed it, none of our ?10,000 supercars could get us to a lap-dancing bar in Slough.
JC: I must say, I was hoping to end the evening in a rather different sort of hedge but, there we are...
 
pretty much every usage of "how hard can it be?"

from the axis vs allies challenge...

RH: James, what are you doing!?
JM: Shooting at Jeremy.
RH: But he's on our side!
JM: Yeah, but why wouldn't you?
RH: You're right, you would. Fire!
 
This is a long one. 6x11 13:30.

Hammond: This week there's been talk at high levels of government at capping the noise from bikes exaust at 74db...
Jezzah: Good.
Hammond: That's about as loud as a hair drier (still going on factually).
Jezzah: Good.
Hammond: And it further than that cause what they're saying is that if you are caught with a bike louder that than, the police would be able to confiscate it.
Jezzah: I'd go further, I'd shoot you in the middle of your face.
*audience laugh*
Hammond: It's just because you have bikes.
Jezzah: It isn't. (rant mode) It's because I live on a road in the Cotswald and every weekend city boys come out on their PQRSTT's (makes high pitched, obnoxious imitation of a bike engine). Ruin it!

bla bla bla

Jezzah: You told me the other day that your bike, whatever it is, sounds like you belching.
May: No I didn't-
Jezzah: DID!
May: No I-
Jezzah: ee DID!
May: What I said was the sound at low revs from the exhaust is like the sound that a burp makes when its forming down here (gestures to gut)...
Jezzah: (shouting) I don't want to hear a forming burp going past my house on a Sunday afternoon with someone dressed like a Power Ranger! I don't want that!
 
Hammy-We got a letter from......and she sent us something for Top Gear Dog!
Jezza-What?
Ham-Well you know when the dog likes to stick its head out the car window *imitates*, well this will kep all the dirt out of their eyes...
*takes them out*
Ham-Well, they're called Doggles
James-They're not Doggles, their just goggles with the g scribbled out and d written in
Jezza-How is she supposed to but them on?
Ham-*Hesitates, makes a 'good point' gesture to Jezza* Weellll......
*Jezza laughs*
Jezza-How does she look with them on?
Ham-TG, come on TG!
*Puts them on...quite possibly the most adorable thing in the world :D*
Jezza-Wow!! Top Gear Dog!!!

During the Radio Hijack
Hammy-Jeremy, the traffic.
Jezza-IT'S ALL A COMPLETE DISASTER!!!
Ham-Jeremy, thank you.
*You can hear Jezza laughing his arse off over the jingle*

Later on
*While the sports guy is giving the, er, sports news*
James-Is that good? For Surrey I mean?
Sports Guy-Yes, it is VERY good. It's cricket sir.....
James-Im just asking because I don't really understand cricket
Sports Guy-It has been played for 300 years-
Ham-The same game?
Sports Guy-*ranting on about how easy a concept cricket is, and tells James off*
Hamster at this point deliberately presses the button that plays the Jeremy Clarkson jingle
*I've been driving in my car lis-ten-ing to Jer-em-y Claarkson!!
Ham-What you've got to remember, when you are shouting at my mates is that I have control over the buttons!:D
Sports Twat-That you do...

Sports Twat...owned

I thought that was a cute moment, Hammy standing up for James against the meany sports man.
 
Hi im new to this forum i love top gear

My fav quote is from Series 12 - episode 5 the communist cars when they are racing the marina vs the lada.

- Goodbye Mr. may
- Dear!!!!
- I think i accidentally killed james may
- Anyway

Cheers from mexico
 
Buffy_09 said:
During the Radio Hijack
Hammy-Jeremy, the traffic.
Jezza-IT'S ALL A COMPLETE DISASTER!!!
Ham-Jeremy, thank you.
*You can hear Jezza laughing his arse off over the jingle*

Later on
*While the sports guy is giving the, er, sports news*
James-Is that good? For Surrey I mean?
Sports Guy-Yes, it is VERY good. It's cricket sir.....
James-Im just asking because I don't really understand cricket
Sports Guy-It has been played for 300 years-
Ham-The same game?
Sports Guy-*ranting on about how easy a concept cricket is, and tells James off*
Hamster at this point deliberately presses the button that plays the Jeremy Clarkson jingle
*I've been driving in my car lis-ten-ing to Jer-em-y Claarkson!!
Ham-What you've got to remember, when you are shouting at my mates is that I have control over the buttons!:D
Sports Twat-That you do...

Sports Twat...owned

I thought that was a cute moment, Hammy standing up for James against the meany sports man.
Click to expand...
I am listing to this now i think the sports guy is getting more and more fed up with them:lol:
 
iam-nobody said:
I am listing to this now i think the sports guy is getting more and more fed up with them:lol:
Click to expand...

Ya, Hamster kept playing the jingle during it.
Funny though

:lol:
 
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