The Joke Thread

MWF

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A MWF original (as far as I know anyway).

There is a funeral parlour in our town staffed entirely by snakes.

It's called Hiss and Hearse.
 

MWF

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[FONT=&quot]A pervert, a fascist and a conman walk into a bar.

The bartender says: 'What can I get you Mr President?'[/FONT]
 

NecroJoe

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My teacher didn't believe me when I said I had 36 pets so I showed her a picture of my fish tank.




She freaked out when she saw how many dogs I could fit in there.
 

DaBoom

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Works in written form as well, but much better when delivered by Frankie Boyle himself: https://youtu.be/kVaryjicXCQ?t=272

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People think that we target militant people with missiles, that we have precision targeting. We can't do that. You can't target something specific if you're going to blow it up with high explosives. There's no point in finding the clitoris, if what you find it with is an uppercut.
 

MWF

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What makes squid giggle?

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Tentacles.
 

MWF

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What do give a sweaty FIAT driver?

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Abarth
 

MWF

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When I was a kid I used to dread maths homework. I could do the sums in my head but was always left feeling constipated afterwards.

I had to resort to working it out with a pencil.
 

MWF

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I said "Hello" to a feminist last week.

My trial starts on Monday.
 

MWF

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HWF 3.0 just asked if she could wear my ring.

I said "OK, as long as you're gentle."
 
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