The Joke Thread

MWF

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A priest walks into a bar with a rabbit and an iMac.

The bartender looks up and says "Father, I think your friends are typos."
 
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bone

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A priest walks into a bar with a rabbit and an iMac.

The bartender looks up and says "Father, I think your friends are typos."
i needed assistance...but my gf got it!
 
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MWF

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I grew up in a boring, nondescript Lancashire market town that was however just a little bit like Las Vegas.

You could pay for sex with chips.
 

MWF

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So Boris Johnson is celebrating the birth of his sixth child.

Of course that's only counting the ones born in hospital, the real figure may well be much higher.
 

RdKetchup

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The problem with Canada is that it could have had British culture, French cooking and American technology, but instead it has American culture, British cooking and French technology.
 

MWF

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Guy gets a text from his brother, "Your cat's dead."

He calls his brother back. "Dude, WTF? That's not how to break bad news to someone."

"Well how am I supposed to do it?"

"OK so first you text me to say that the cat was chasing a squirrel and got stuck in the big tree in the back yard. Then a second to say you've called animal rescue to help get her down. The third text to say animal rescue have arrived and the dude is going up the ladder to get the cat..."

"Erm, OK..."

"Then finally you CALL me to tell me you're really sorry but the rescue guy slipped, fell off the ladder and landed on top of the cat. The vet did all she could but..."

"I hear you, man, I'm sorry"

"That's OK. So how's Mom?"

"Well, Mom was chasing a squirrel..."
 
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