The ovloV (Volvo) combat thread

Spectre

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It was when Coco was getting something to replace the Failtima. Starts here, and the super-creepy was deleted.
<shrug> She looked to be playing the "I've got a seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeekrit" game which is very popular among women in the area (or so I thought she was doing at the time) and I hate when people do that. She then made the mistake of posting her key image and some other documentation as part of the tease, so I called the Mitsu dealer in her small town and asked what had recently been sold. I didn't ask for her name or any other information, just what had been sold. Then I mentioned what I'd done in her thread. As others pointed out at the time (and there's still residue of it in the thread) if I had really wanted to be creepy, etc., I wouldn't have been asking about what *car* they'd sold.

By the way, both of us apologized to the other for the misunderstanding (she thought it something innocently fun to do, I thought she was playing silly games just to be annoying) and it was by mutual consent that I deleted the posts, not because I was covering my arse. We've aided each other in various enterprises since, so it wasn't a psycho-stalker thing - if it was, she would have run screaming from the area. :p

Anyway, back on the topic, behold the typical-condition Volvo that I see on the roads.
vlcsnap-2012-09-19-20h03m38s202.png

The picture quality isn't very good, but this S70 has dents in many panels, scratches all over the rear bumper, and the rear fender has been drilled like swiss cheese and pulled out via screw-in slide hammer, not unlike this:



Further, the hood had apparently been bent at some point and it wasn't lining up right. Basically, a seriously beat-up car. And this is typical of most Volvos I've seen - not only here and in Houston, but when I lived in CA and when I've visited other cities in the US. Most exhibit at least some signs of terrible driving.

Volvos are of course more notable than (say) Camries because there are (thankfully) fewer of them. Being odd looking boxes, they do tend to stand out against the jellybean cars of the present, so yeah, they do tend to stand out in memory for that alone.

Matt: Lanesharing or filtering is illegal in my state so it's not a matter of not wanting to 'wait in line' behind a Volvo or impatience with them on a single lane. No, my protocol for Volvos (and others in the category I mentioned) is illustrated in the below video. I have had far too many close calls with Volvo drivers acting obliviously to want to be anywhere near those vehicles. I want them behind me if there's no other option, where I might be able to accelerate out of the way.


Not ten seconds after this video segment was recorded, I watched in my rearview mirror as the lights of the Volvo drifted halfway into the lane to its left, then violently corrected and almost go all the way out of its lane to the right. Dunno what happened after that as I was long gone.

Also, Matt: The term "ovloV" came from UKania. And they are called that because the damn things ran into motorcyclists on a regular basis. More evidence in that direction: http://www.bayarearidersforum.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3833837&postcount=28 and down.
 
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That American Girl

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Anyway, back on the topic, behold the typical-condition Volvo that I see on the roads.


The picture quality isn't very good, but this S70 has dents in many panels, scratches all over the rear bumper, and the rear fender has been drilled like swiss cheese and pulled out via screw-in slide hammer, not unlike this:
...

Further, the hood had apparently been bent at some point and it wasn't lining up right. Basically, a seriously beat-up car.
Well shit...you just described my car Spectre. :p My jellybean car is a POS..but I'm actually a good driver. The car was bought in that condition. And yeah, I know...most people who say that are terrible.

But I'm too cheap to pay for more dents, and I love having cheapo insurance. :)

And for the thread issue, I've never seen a lot of bad Volvo drivers, but I guess I must be lucky.
 

Spectre

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Most cars of that age have damaged panels. All older cars are driven by idiots?
Most cars of that age, market niche and owner demographic are nowhere near that badly beat up. I haven't seen nearly the same number of beat up older E-classes or 5-Series as I do Volvos.

That just happened to be one I spotted on a ride home two nights ago, and was interesting to me as an illustration. However, I routinely see Volvos that are only a few years old with significant body damage that the owner just doesn't seem to care about.

I should also mention that part of my disgust for Volvos and their owners is that I've been hit or run into by clueless idiots driving Volvos SIX FREAKING TIMES in the past ~20 years I've been riding. That is at least three times more than any other marque I've had encounters with.
 
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That American Girl

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None, right now. Bye Bye Mustang. :-(
I should also mention that part of my disgust for Volvos and their owners is that I've been hit or run into by clueless idiots driving Volvos SIX FREAKING TIMES in the past ~20 years I've been riding. That is at least three times more than any other marque I've had encounters with.
Ahh, I see. Well, I have to admit that this would do it for me as well.
 

rickhamilton620

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I will say, I wouldn't mind driving a S40. They seem like nice small cars.
 

Spectre

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I will say, I wouldn't mind driving a S40. They seem like nice small cars.
One's a Mitsubishi Carina with a badge job (and all but extinct) and the other is a Ford Focus with a badge job that didn't sell well in the US.

Also, remember, if rick likes it, it MUST be awful. :D
 

_HighVoltage_

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I should also mention that part of my disgust for Volvos and their owners is that I've been hit or run into by clueless idiots driving Volvos SIX FREAKING TIMES in the past ~20 years I've been riding. That is at least three times more than any other marque I've had encounters with.
You seem to have grown increasingly annoyed with them in the last year though. I remember when we were talking before I bought the first one. You never said they were great cars, but you said they are not bad and you certainly didn't exhibit any of this hatred toward them.
 

rickhamilton620

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One's a Mitsubishi Carina with a badge job (and all but extinct) and the other is a Ford Focus with a badge job that didn't sell well in the US.

Also, remember, if rick likes it, it MUST be awful. :D
See, I LIKE that though: The Carisma connection is cool in a weird Sterling way to me on the first gen, and sure...i could get close to the same damn car platform wise as the 2nd gen by going to the Mazda store but the S40 isn't as popular as the 3. We never got the Focus that rode on the shared Mazda/Ford/Volvo platform the S40 did.
 

Spectre

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You seem to have grown increasingly annoyed with them in the last year though. I remember when we were talking before I bought the first one. You never said they were great cars, but you said they are not bad and you certainly didn't exhibit any of this hatred toward them.
I've seen even more of them behaving badly of late. :p I also have some reason (though no confirmation, sadly) to believe that the unknown silver car that came up from behind and picked me off the bike by my helmet after I got sideswiped by that Dakota might have been a Volvo 7XX.

See, I LIKE that though: The Carisma connection is cool in a weird Sterling way to me on the first gen, and sure...i could get close to the same damn car platform wise as the 2nd gen by going to the Mazda store but the S40 isn't as popular as the 3. We never got the Focus that rode on the shared Mazda/Ford/Volvo platform the S40 did.
1. The Sterling is emphatically NOT cool. Or good. Someone giving you one for free is attempting to rip you off.
2. The Carisma connection isn't good either. It's from Mitsubishi, the only manufacturer in recent memory to manage to make fire spew from the internal door panels.
3. I believe Quiky might have something to say about how good (or not) the Mazda 3 was... Come to think of it, hasn't everyone on FG with a 3 had either constant problems or something go horribly wrong with it?
 
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ninjacoco

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Maybe this is a regional thing. Here, we have the bumper-Prius. There's more Volvos than usual (keep lolstin weird, baby!), but they're not as bad as the inattentive Prius drivers who bought those cars because they absolutely do not, will not, and can not give dos mierdas about driving, ever. If your rationale for owning a vehicle is "it's a shiny jellybean with lots of toys and some talking head claimed it was good for the environment" and not "hey, I need to get places, but this is a two-ton vehicle travelling quicker than humans were made to travel and I should probably learn how to control it," you probably shouldn't have a license. GTFO mah roads, and you stay the hell away from the Whole Foods parking lot. Coco needs some gottdanged fancy organic cheeses, and we both know that you'd rather be biking.

Actually, I'd argue that the Volvo owners here take a bit more pride in their fab bricks, so they actually...suck less. Sure, some are slow, but at least they seem predictable when they're being slow. You know how they deal with the vastly different speeds of vehicles at trackdays? By teaching everyone to be predictable. And people wonder why I trust track geeks far more than the dudes on public roads--that is it!

I don't care what you're driving. Unpredictability and inattentiveness are what irk The Coco the most. If you're driving a Prius smoothly, signaling when you need to turn, trying your darnedest to keep up with the flow of traffic, and sticking to the right lane on the freeway except to pass, shoot, dude. Let's be friends. If you're driving a GT3 RS 4.0, but in the most unpredictable, erratic way, you are a danger to yourselves and others and need to be punched smack-dab in the genitals. Shoot, I'd volunteer to punch you myself for wantonly throwing around THE VEHICLE COCO NEEDS. Your choice of vehicle does not dictate your fail or lack thereof. Nothing. And you know what? Volvos ROCK.

Seattle had a lot of Volvos, too. Usually, they were pretty pampered as a luxury ride should be and not any more irritating than anybody else. Probably because they had a bunch o' Scandinavians, and eff yeah, Swedish. Uff da, kaninbajs, FIKA!, etc., etc. The most irritating thing on Seattle 'burb roads? Friggin' rice. Why? Because ricetards are unpredictable and generally suck at controlling their own vehicles.

My first car was almost a Volvo. Make fun of them too much and I will unleash a hoarde of angry, horny internet Scandinavians on you.

Ever seen a turbobrick go sideways? Or a V8 Volvo? Or a V8 Volvo SIDEWAYS?! You should. Bricks are WIN, dude. Yeeeeehaw.

</rant>

It was when Coco was getting something to replace the Failtima. Starts here, and the super-creepy was deleted.
Perkele! Coco was fat then. BURY THIS THREAD AT THE BOTTOM OF THE INTERNET.

For future reference for everyone...ever, my gigantic balls of steel prevent me from playing bizarro girl games that I never even knew existed. I don't understand women. They pee in groups and talk all high-pitched and squeaky-like. No comprendo.

I will say, I wouldn't mind driving a S40. They seem like nice small cars.
That's the one based on a Mitsu, right? Well, that's why. ;)

I got to drive a friend's S40 uncts. Perhaps it's not as fun as the old RWD bricks, but I liked it.
 
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_HighVoltage_

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My turbobrick has some new winter tires ready in my storage, so this winter there will be no "Jesus, take the wheel moments" :p I can't wait to try them on. Last year with the supposedly "good in snow" Conti DWS I spun a few times, one of them quite dangerous. It looked like a full on drift with a WRX STI...except it was in a FWD Volvo and only luck and some driving skill saved me from ditching it.
 

Anesthesia

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I should also mention that part of my disgust for Volvos and their owners is that I've been hit or run into by clueless idiots driving Volvos SIX FREAKING TIMES in the past ~20 years I've been riding. That is at least three times more than any other marque I've had encounters with.
You have an obvious hate towards volvo and that's why you notice bad volvo drivers. I'm sure your driving license system is more to blame. Also, we were taught to expect the unexpected.

If you're constantly being hit(or nearly), suppose you should expect it to happen and not get in to the situations?
On two wheels you definetly should. Wrong or right you're getting hurt.
 
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Spectre

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You have an obvious hate towards volvo and that's why you notice bad volvo drivers. I'm sure your driving license system is more to blame. Also, we were taught to expect the unexpected.

If you're constantly being hit(or nearly), suppose you should expect it to happen and not get in to the situations?
On two wheels you definetly should. Wrong or right you're getting hurt.
So, let's see. I park my motorcycle (at the time a big old GL1000) out in the hinterlands of a parking lot. Nobody and no cars around, perfect to avoid vehicles full of screaming kids and distracted parents. Go in to the theatre to watch a movie. Come out, and there's an asshat with a 940 standing there looking like he's off on another planet. Somehow he's managed to back (as in, he drove in reverse) halfway across the large parking lot and knock my motorcycle completely off the center stand. No kids, so he doesn't even have that excuse.

Okay, fine. Fix the bike. Take it to a bookstore some time later. Park up front in the center of a clearly visible spot, close to the store but by no means hidden behind other vehicles. Get a page to come to the front half an hour later; some woman in a 760 wagon has knocked the bike over the other way because she 'thought she could fit in the space.' The one the GL1000 was sitting right in the middle of which clearly did not leave enough room for any car on either side.

How, exactly, am I supposed to avoid getting into 'the situations' when Volvo drivers appear to be seeker missiles and I don't even have to be operating the vehicle for them to hit it?
 
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Spectre

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Move into a country where people can drive. :lol:
Apparently that country is not likely to be someplace where English is the official language - as noted above, I've heard similar stories from people in Canada, the UK, Australia.

I don't think the Volvos themselves make people bad drivers (though sometimes I wonder) but I do think bad drivers tend to flock to the marque.
 

LeVeL

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My turbobrick has some new winter tires ready in my storage, so this winter there will be no "Jesus, take the wheel moments" :p I can't wait to try them on. Last year with the supposedly "good in snow" Conti DWS I spun a few times, one of them quite dangerous. It looked like a full on drift with a WRX STI...except it was in a FWD Volvo and only luck and some driving skill saved me from ditching it.
All-seasons suck in the snow? Well duh :p I have the Conti ExtremeWinterContacts and they did pretty well last winter.
 

frankiess

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I've now officially decided to get a Volvo.

<shrug> She looked to be playing the "I've got a seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeekrit" game which is very popular among women in the area (or so I thought she was doing at the time) and I hate when people do that.
Wow. How unbelievably low IS your self-esteem, man? :blink:

Perkele! Coco was fat then. BURY THIS THREAD AT THE BOTTOM OF THE INTERNET.

For future reference for everyone...ever, my gigantic balls of steel prevent me from playing bizarro girl games that I never even knew existed. I don't understand women. They pee in groups and talk all high-pitched and squeaky-like. No comprendo.
Also, would someone wife this girl already? :lol:
 
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