The ovloV (Volvo) combat thread

frankiess said:
I've officially decided to get a Volvo.



Also, would someone wife this girl already? :lol:
Click to expand...

I'm betting that on this forum, with some of the attitudes i'm seeing, someone has probably already tried :p
 
Hemily said:
I'm betting that on this forum, with some of the attitudes i'm seeing, someone has probably already tried :p
Click to expand...

The constant talking about poo and pooing is a mighty strong deterrent though. :p
 
Cowboy said:
The constant talking about poo and pooing is a mighty strong deterrent though. :p
Click to expand...

You're thinking of :bmwpoo: aren't you? Or do you mean puffalumpdump?
 
Is 'poo' not the correct English phrase for human excrement? Or did I just miss a joke? :p
 
I'd talk about excrement constantly if it kept the idiots at bay.

Although, in a rather ironic twist, talking about excrement is probably the one thing that attracts more idiots than it deflects.

Go figure.
 
^ Famous last words... :p

frankiess said:
talking about excrement is probably the one thing that attracts more idiots than it deflects.
Click to expand...

Interesting how a Volvo thread can turn so quickly into a BMW one... :hmm:
 
How about a Miata? Or a Kangoo?
 
If Volvo drivers are so bad, how come I was tailgated by a XJ8 last Monday, and was backed into by a F-250 earlier this year ? :p
IMO, driver stereotypes are dumb and absurd. There are good and bad drivers in virtually every type of car. Then again, I've owned 5 Saturns, so my opinion doesn't matter anyway. :mrgreen:
 
Speedtouch said:
^ Famous last words... :p



Interesting how a Volvo thread can turn so quickly into a BMW one... :hmm:
Click to expand...

this must be horrible then, a Volvo and BMW in one!
 
Almost got written off by a douche in a S40 today who stopped in the middle of the road for no reason at all. Then again, I also nearly got written off by a VW Golf that had broken down on a blind corner on a hill, I swerved around it to find a bus flying around the corner going downhill, that was a close one...

:lol:
 
Over here most of the tailgaters are in Audis. The dithering pricks have migrated from Rover into Peugeots. Benz drivers are mainly arrogant golfists split between the two previous camps as are van drivers and virtually everyone else on the road is an idiot.

Starting every journey with that last statement in the forefront of your mind is as good for the blood pressure as the bodywork.
 
Biggest cocks can be found in beat-up E36 318is with cheap visual modifications, like the guy who cut me off today in one with Altezza lights, boxing gloves hanging from his mirror and the gold text 'PLACE YOUR BETS' across the top of his windscreen.

Slowest drivers can be found in Peugeot 307s like the geriatric couple that were in front of me today that decided it took roughly 15 seconds to deem it safe to accelerate from a traffic light.

Toyota drivers are generally bad probably because they would rather be anywhere else than driving their washing machine. The majority of accidents I have seen have involved a Corolla. I was rear-ended by a Camry after being dangerously cut off by a Previa.


Because these are my experiences (or at least you must believe they are because I am writing them on the internet) they are 100% true and correct and you have no right to disagree.
 
In general, here (in other words, central Houston - Montrose, River Oaks, Rice Village, Upper Kirby, downtown), it goes something like this:

The majority of people think driving is boring and are doing something else while driving. Because OMG BORED LAME DUMB MUST TEXT. This applies to everything from the beater Honda to the shiny new 981 Boxster. Even the guys in Ferraris don't actually care about driving, they just want you to oggle their expensive machine and understand they are of status. There are, of course, exceptions, but that's the broad generalizations. Those that don't think driving is boring are very aggressive and leave narrow margins for error... but, if you understand how the aggressive driver's mind works, they're very predictable. They drive just like I did when around 18 to 21. They've also created a culture, here, where leaving small gaps is considered accepted behavior when doing things like changing lanes. As a result, one can move over in front of someone with a very narrow gap, and they won't respond as though they've been cut off (do the same move in Austin and you'd piss off the driver behind). Though they leave these small gaps, they move from lane to lane quickly, pay attention, and are gone in short measure. As a result, I don't find them particularly dangerous - I can dodge them, they can dodge me, and I can alter my escape routes based on what I know they're going to do before they do it. These two driver profiles are found across pretty much every vehicle variety seen here, though there is a segment of older vehicles driven just under the speed limit and driven very carefully.

SUVs, especially small SUVs and crossovers, are particularly good at paying attention to things other than their driving (and thus particularly bad at driving). Land Rovers are bought as a way to brag and never have dirt under their body. They also must be new - if they're aged at all, they're sold off and replaced (and generally no longer seen in central Houston). Some pickups have dubs (22" wheels), chrome, and/or noisy exhausts (that don't actually seem to make them any faster). These are slightly more likely to pay attention to their driving than the small SUVs, but they'll go wherever they want to go whenever they want with no regard for the fact that others exist (so no less likely to come after me, but actually know they're doing it and don't care). Large SUVs, of the Excursion and Suburban variety, are rarely seen. When they are in central Houston, they're there because they're needed, and they're generally driven well enough - they're at least a bit aware of what's around them, do their best to maintain their lane (lanes are often on the narrow side), and in general avoid the ridiculously stupid decisions of others.

Volvos? The newer ones don't really stand out in traffic. They might as well be anything else. The older ones may not be driven well, but they do try to avoid contact with anyone. Their attitude seems to be "I can't afford to fix this so I better not damage it." As a result, I have more annoyance with small SUVs and crossovers than Volvos.
 
Equi nailed it. No particular marque is the problem--it's the "driving is boring" BS attitude.

frankiess said:
Also, would someone wife this girl already? :lol:
Click to expand...
You know my rule. No pets until I can afford to keep them. (And I'm picking up a beater NB first. :lol:)
 
Last edited:
ninjacoco said:
Maybe this is a regional thing. Here, we have the bumper-Prius. There's more Volvos than usual (keep lolstin weird, baby!), but they're not as bad as the inattentive Prius drivers who bought those cars because they absolutely do not, will not, and can not give dos mierdas about driving, ever. If your rationale for owning a vehicle is "it's a shiny jellybean with lots of toys and some talking head claimed it was good for the environment" and not "hey, I need to get places, but this is a two-ton vehicle travelling quicker than humans were made to travel and I should probably learn how to control it," you probably shouldn't have a license. GTFO mah roads, and you stay the hell away from the Whole Foods parking lot. Coco needs some gottdanged fancy organic cheeses, and we both know that you'd rather be biking.

Actually, I'd argue that the Volvo owners here take a bit more pride in their fab bricks, so they actually...suck less. Sure, some are slow, but at least they seem predictable when they're being slow. You know how they deal with the vastly different speeds of vehicles at trackdays? By teaching everyone to be predictable. And people wonder why I trust track geeks far more than the dudes on public roads--that is it!

I don't care what you're driving. Unpredictability and inattentiveness are what irk The Coco the most. If you're driving a Prius smoothly, signaling when you need to turn, trying your darnedest to keep up with the flow of traffic, and sticking to the right lane on the freeway except to pass, shoot, dude. Let's be friends. If you're driving a GT3 RS 4.0, but in the most unpredictable, erratic way, you are a danger to yourselves and others and need to be punched smack-dab in the genitals. Shoot, I'd volunteer to punch you myself for wantonly throwing around THE VEHICLE COCO NEEDS. Your choice of vehicle does not dictate your fail or lack thereof. Nothing. And you know what? Volvos ROCK.

Seattle had a lot of Volvos, too. Usually, they were pretty pampered as a luxury ride should be and not any more irritating than anybody else. Probably because they had a bunch o' Scandinavians, and eff yeah, Swedish. Uff da, kaninbajs, FIKA!, etc., etc. The most irritating thing on Seattle 'burb roads? Friggin' rice. Why? Because ricetards are unpredictable and generally suck at controlling their own vehicles.

My first car was almost a Volvo. Make fun of them too much and I will unleash a hoarde of angry, horny internet Scandinavians on you.

Ever seen a turbobrick go sideways? Or a V8 Volvo? Or a V8 Volvo SIDEWAYS?! You should. Bricks are WIN, dude. Yeeeeehaw.

</rant>

Perkele! Coco was fat then. BURY THIS THREAD AT THE BOTTOM OF THE INTERNET.

For future reference for everyone...ever, my gigantic balls of steel prevent me from playing bizarro girl games that I never even knew existed. I don't understand women. They pee in groups and talk all high-pitched and squeaky-like. No comprendo.

That's the one based on a Mitsu, right? Well, that's why. ;)

I got to drive a friend's S40 uncts. Perhaps it's not as fun as the old RWD bricks, but I liked it.
Click to expand...

Coco is my new hero. :)
 
Heyy, there's a thread mocking Volvos! Why haven't I noticed this before? Keep going, I'm keen to read more about my car and driving style as I indeed do drive a CarismaS40DutchSwedishWhatTheHellisItIN-A-FREAKING-NOT-BLACK/SILVER-COLOR! How dare I?

And yeah, I hate French cars more than anything else on the road, so...
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top