The "When I come to power I will......" Thread

And "Jaguar"
 
MWF: Minister of Telephones. Yep.

Also...ninjas in Jaaaaaags. I like this idea.
 
No my dear cocoloeader, those are not the bodies of people who were against you on the back of my Jaaaaaaaag
 
Hmm. Other countries seem to be developing super armies of their own.

Quick! Accelerate the genetic and nanobiotic research programs. Jessie'll win, for sure.

*Again, see link in sig...*

Also, maybe this could turn into a game of sorts...

Would this include reclamation of the historic tracks left to deteriorate in the name of the two most boring tracks on the circuit?

*headslap* D'oy!
 
1, Declare all Reality Shows illegal and anyone caught watching them to be lined up on a firing squad.
2, found a Ministry of Space and get off our behinds and put some effort behind space exploration.
3, declare the BNP a enemy of state and nation and banish anyone affiliated with it to be exiled to Anatarctica.
4, when a football fan cries because his teams going down or lost a championship, it shall be made legal to slap him across the face and say "its only a fricking game"
5, It shall be made legal for anyone to punch a chav.
6, The next time someone hippy harps on about climate change or how we should start mating with vegtables, his head shall be cut off, stuck on a pike and serve as a warning to the next generation of idiots that their beliefs don't necessarily mean they are any better than the rest of us.
finally 7, all hybrid cars declared illegal and anyone driving one will be taken to a scrap yard and given a pedal bike. if you want to save the world, do it using that.
 
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^ I think I just found my new Home Secretary!
 
Make reality programs like Big Brother, I'm a Celebrity etc illegal and send all profits from said programs to charity.

Annihilate magazines like Hello and OK, get lives there are better things to do than obsess over what celebrities do.

Fire the Jonas Bros into the heart of the Sun via means of an insanely powerful cannon.
 
For dreaming up an appropriate punishment for people would write "could/should/would of" instead of "could/should/would have" or "could've/should've/would've", I hereby appoint MWF my Minister of Education. Quoth he:

Can I suggest a shock collar connected wirelessly to a more sophisticated spelling and grammar checker on their computer? Shocks get stronger with each uncorrected error rising to fatal. The internet would soon be rid of these morons once and for all.

I shall take it a step further and decree that teachers who do nothing to correct this egregious example of grammargh shall be publicly drawn and quartered for the offense of failing to protect the rest of us here in the intarwebs from painful brain-jarrings caused by the students they didn't bother to teach.

Note that this punishment would only apply to native English speakers, because they learn this in their first year of schooling and then have several more years of schooling in which to practice and perfect it. Even the best non-native English speakers I know occasionally have trouble with words that sound like other words, so I'd cut all non-native speakers some slack.
 
Make G-Wiz ownership illegal, anybody caught driving one will have their driving licence taken away.

Bring back hard labour and the death sentence, if you're gonna commit a crime, you better be ready for the consequences, also we will instill in people mind's that prison is the last place you want to be, prisoners have it too easy. Rapists, child molester's will be castrated.

Change laws so they don't favour criminals, if someone breaks into your house, you have to right to beat the shit out of them or shoot in the course of defending your property and family.

Anyone who is unemployed and does not have a valid reason, will be sent off to do slave labour.

Anyone wishing to become a parent must obtain a licence to prevent chav's from becoming baby factories that leech off the benefit's system, taking away money from those who really need it.

Between 10pm and 6am all motorways will be Autobahns.

Mandatory 2 years military service.

PE to be made mandatory in schools, there is no excuse for being unfit. Also drop this "no competitive sports" policy.

MTV forced to actually play music again instead of BS reality programming.

Start experimenting with genetic engineering to build an army oof superhuman soldiers. Also the military will recieve proper funding.

Abolish this postcode lottery that seems to decide which school children go to. Also the education system will be upgraded.
 
- Ban socialism and send all of the current socialists and people who vote or have voted for them in the past to Russia
- Ban all eco-hippie cars, then burning them, giving people who owned them a bike instead, that's a damn side more eco friendly!
- Build a complete autobahn network in Norway with a 130kph normal speedlimit with unlimited in some places during day and completely unlimited at night
- Build a high-speed 300kph train network between all major cities in Norway and refurbishing the whole of Oslo's train network (people can take the bus while this is fixed)
- Remove all unnecessary taxes
- Allow sale of booze and wine in groceries
- Sell the national train company (NSB) to private buyers - this will also open for other companies to come in and make for more aggressive pricing = better for the passengers
- Open a big food marked in Oslo with fresh produce from the whole country including meat, fish and vegetables
- Make petrol 50% cheaper since we god damn make it ourself!
- Shoot the person who thought of the "enviromentally friendly speedlimit" of 60kph on the Oslo ring road during winter
- Quickly put scientists and private companies together so they can find solutions of how Norway - a great country for producing power - can utilise it's resources better (more wind and water generated) and start selling power to other countries cos Norway needs something else to generate income when the oil runs out
- Stop the fucking welfare and force people who whine to go fucking work instead of sitting at home and at the same time get more money than people who actually work but arn't as fortunate as they have a shit job
- Make Norway apply for joining the EU
- Stop giving away the government money to stupid pos poor countries in Africa/East and spending it on developing Norway instead
- Rethinking the Nobel Peace Price, making it more exclusive again (which means not giving it to randomers)
- Remove all toll booths on the road
- Forcefully shut down Belona and all organisations like that
- Make it more publicly know that it actually is possible that mankind didn't necessarily cause 'climate change'
- Make 'new norwegian'/nynorsk only an option for those who want it at school
- Legalise pot/smoking pot but enforcing MUCH stricter laws for other narcotics - if you get seen on the street with it you get sent to jail
 
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^Close our borders to all the Norwegian asylum seekers who'll inevitably be leaving Norway in their droves once ahpadt comes to power! :D
 
^Close our borders to all the Norwegian asylum seekers who'll inevitably be leaving Norway in their droves once ahpadt comes to power! :D

Hopefully I'll be the one leaving in about 8 months. :)

Why would anyone want to leave ahpadtland anyway? :cool:
 
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Well if im coming to power i'll take it as I'm in control of the world so I would:

  • Make Clarkson Prime Minister of Europe and Minister of Climate Change
  • James May will be minister in charge of military and history for the world
  • Hammond will become a monarch
  • Enforce a global standard price for video games and software in the world
  • Abolish region locking of devices and software
  • Abolish the concept of Internet Filters
  • Create incentives and tax breaks to sectors of industry which currently dont receive them
  • Ensure there is a uniform classification system
  • Internet prices and limits will be regulated by the government to ensure that it is fair and equal
  • All countries will have high speed internet
  • Create very high incentives\tax breaks to super car makers to make super cars more affordable
  • All electric cars\environmental cars are to be destroyed and used to manufacture super cars
  • Shove all extreme environmentalists on a large island with no impact of civilization except for the massive battleships in the ocean surrounding the island ensuring no one escapes.
  • Group all nanny ministers and figures of the current world and abandon them in a jungle with Bear Grylls
  • No reality TV shows or Idol shows on TV
  • Weekly executions of Morris Marinas with Pianos

I think its a good start :D
 
Well if im coming to power i'll take it as I'm in control of the world so I would:

(snipped)

Well, if the TG trio are going to have some sort of power when you come into power, why not make Stig your Transport Minister? :)
 
If I were to fill my cabinet with the TG3 and others, the Secretary for Road Safety subordinate to the Stig would be the person they once referred to as "a middle-aged bald man who once crashed a touring car". :lol:

Gabriele Tarquini, of course. :lmao:

https://pic.armedcats.net/r/re/renaultfan/2010/01/15/crash02_m.jpg
 
1. Global Warming/Climate Change shall be declared a fraud. All scientists who promote it will be shot. All media persons who promote it shall be hung, then shot. All Celebrities shall be shot, and not just for believing it.
2. America is the center of my world government. Don't like it? Tough.
3. Whining shall be illegal. Suck it up and work it out.
4. If Government can't pay for it, it doesn't get done. Government must base new budgets on previous actual tax returns.
5. Pluto's back as a planet.
6. Diabetes research shall be the #1 priority.
7. Energy Research is on!
8. If we're going to have a "War on Drugs", we're sending in the army. No more coddling losers who can't handle reality. Suck it up or meet a firing squad. Naturally, Intervention on TV will become thing of the past.
9. I'm the only Monarch the world needs. Any other whiners who think they're an absolute dictator shall be executed by Super-Ninja death squads. Chavez shall be first on the list.
10. Cuba becomes America's version of the Rivera. Sorry Castro!

Oh, and a freebie!

11. NASCAR shall be forced to return to road courses, use cars that actually do come from a showroom. They can, however, put down as much HP as they like, by whatever means they like. Rocketcars? Sure. :D
 
8. If we're going to have a "War on Drugs", we're sending in the army. No more coddling losers who can't handle reality. Suck it up or meet a firing squad. Naturally, Intervention on TV will become thing of the past.

The real question is why even bother in the first place? What's wrong with drugs?

In my tyrannical regime, at least all you minions will get to smoke, snort, shoot, huff, or swallow whatever the hell you want.

In fact, I think I'll tax the hell out of drugs to pay for the upkeep of my robot army. It's a win-win situation!
 
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