Things Clarkson has taught you (that probably aren't true)

flydiscovery

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Hey now THAT one might really be true! You never know when you're going to be chased by a baddie in a shopping mall and you just can't lay down that much power on marble. :p
 

hemoh

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^^ As well as grabbing the steering wheel very tightly, rocking back and forth and bellowing "COME ONNNNNNNNN!!!"


I've "learned" things such as:

You can grow chlamydia in a greenhouse.

Being an American, I'll eat anything, including car polish. (see Series 6, Episode 3)

If you piss off a badger, it'll eat your testicles. Come to think of it, if you live in Wisconsin, that's actually a true statement....:D

Trucks make great boats.

People only go on caravanning holidays to go poo in a bucket.

You can set fire to a carwash.
 

skylock

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He has taught me that even when you lose.....you win.

And that wearing a pork pie hat makes people think you are a gypsy.
 
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Dogbert

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You can give the finger to an American police officer and not go to jail/have the shit beaten out of you in the middle of nowhere.

Jay Kay is faster than Simon Cowell.
 
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Herran

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Literally anything can be solved with POWAAARRRRR!!!

Like if you cannot get up a slippery hill with your car just apply more POWAARRR!

And oh yeah, a Prius is not even bulletproof.
 
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salle

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That sometimes Jamie Oliver can be a bit "special needs".
(OK that was confirmed just seconds after by Jamie himself)
 
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ashspet

Nothing to see here, move along people!
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Men with beards know lots, but should be left in their sheds
 

ashspet

Nothing to see here, move along people!
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Your car can be stolen, even when you're driving it

Hair omlette is not nummy
 

MWF

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If you present a well-known motoring programme and you review your own car at the track, keep a close eye on the keys or your colleagues will nick them and give them to the Stig.
 

MWF

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And if you present a well-known motoring programme and one of your colleagues happens to be involved in a life-threatening, jet-powered dragster crash the press will forget about it in a very short while and never mention it again in connection with any article about said well-known motoring programme.

Plus if you are smoking dope in a pipe on your own how to give yourself a blowback!!!
 
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