Top 5 TG Quotes

and in no perticular Order ...
James May said:
I'm sorry, I'm gonna have to stop you there, I hate to interrupt, but this is quite honestly the biggest load of limp-wristed twaddle I've ever heard in all my five weeks in television. These two... these two are not men, okay? This one, Richard Hammond, every morning, sticks his head in a bucket of hair product, right, he's got a dog, but it's a poodle. I don't know what you're laughing about, Clarkson, because you won't drink brown beer. And this is the man that says flatulence, 'Ooh, it's not funny,' when clearly it is! I am actually the only proper bloke on this programme.
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Hammond (on arriving in heaven) said:
I love that vision of just blasting through the gates, backwards, in a flaming Swedish supercar! Yes! I'm here! Where are the women?
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Jeremy said:
In the olden Days, I always got the Impression TVR build a Car, put it on sale and then found out how it handeld. Usually when on of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was.
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Hammond said:
Well, have you met Jeremy Clarkson? Big tall Fellow. Curly Hair. Idiot. That?s your answer, really isn?t it.
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Jeremy said:
Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It's like making a hard core adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You'd just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke's sweaty face.
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James: "The only thing I keep in my car is a little paintbrush for cleaning dust out of the switches"

Richard: "You're scaring me, mate"

James: "And I always like to have the air vents lined up so they're really completely symmetrical"

Richard: "Stop talking now!"

James: "And if anybody moves them...I get really angry"

And I still like Jeremy's Hello Dutchie remark :lol:
 
Clarkson on the Corvette Z06: As something to live with....id rather have bird flu

Clarkson: [about Ferrari Enzo] I rang up Jay Kay, who's got one, and said, "You know, can we borrow yours?" and he said, "Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing."
 
"Some say........." Jeremy /Richard introducing The Stig
"and on that bombshell" Jeremy ending the show
"Thats bad" Richard when things go wrong.
"Oh cock" James when things go wrong.
"welcome to Greenpeace" Jeremy's intro to S7
 
1. If I put all the knobs, dials and switches into my mouth and nose, and then sneezed, the dashboard would be arranged better.
 
A selection from my numerous favourites:

Jeremy: "Anyone in the back of a four-seater convertible look like Hitler"
Now, whenever I see someone sitting the back seats of a convertible I just cannot stop myself thinking of that remark. Funny 'cause it's true!

James: "And now for the sitting down news". The parody of newsreaders continually walking about was just hilarious.
 
Jeremy: The thing is, I think I'm right in saying that I have never completed a single journey, anywhere there and back, in it ever. Which must make it the most unreliable car... ever made. In fact, if you've got a more unreliable one, write to us at 'Actually I've Got a Peugeot' BBC Top Gear, London W12.
 
Another few favorites of mine

From the amphibious cars:

Richard in a very noisy damper van: "This is the slowest thing in the world!.....but not as slow as James...."

James: "Here we are in top gear, 35 miles an hour"

Jeremy: "I'm sorry, I don't have time for this! That's fifty!"

*Toybota zooms past James, Clarkson bursts into laughter*

From cheap coupes

Richard: "He's bought a grandfather clock!"

Jeremy: "We better get on, have you seen under his car?" James:"Oh, there's plenty in there!"

*James opens the XJS' bonnet, smoke pouring out* "There you go, it's fine!" *closes bonnet*

Richard: "Oh wait, I've got it! There's a problem with my brake lights! I have connect three!"

From America Special

Jeremy: "It's a big ask to get him down to $1000...I might offer him a burger!" *salesman walks over* Jeremy: "Very popular with murderers these cars!"

Jeremy: "I'm looking at a Buick LeSabre" James: "God, don't!" Jeremy: "It was rubbish when it was new, it was built by idiots, and it's rubbish now!"

Robert the Persian: "Yeah that's a rifle, the shotgun is somewhere else, I dunno"

Jeremy: "It's a full on American muscle car. Only three previous murderers!"

Richard: "What do you think! A Dodge Ram!" Jeremy: "Well...it's terrible"

James: "It's just been made out of bits" Jeremy: "It hasn't!" Richard: "Oh...smells of bodies! Actually it does smell a bit ripe!" Jeremy: "hold on..." *pulls out shirt* Richard "IT'S THE CLOTHES OF THE LAST PERSON THEY KILLED!"

Jeremy, with tape moustache: "Look! I'm Burt Reynolds! I'm The Bandit!" *pulls off tape* "aaahg"
 
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edkwon said:
'Diesel convertibles are like a supermodel smoking a pipe, its just wrong' - James May

'I hate car journeys, they're so mind crushingly boring, but after 6 hrs and 330 miles in the Jag, i was relaxed, no matter what the irritation. This is Radio 1. Now normally its like having a rusty screwdriver shoved into the side of your head. I dont know, today its fine, if you listen to this chap, he wants to 'bitchslap his ho'. Why not? good luck to ya fellow.' - JC on the new Jag XJ

and my personal favorite:
'The Chrysler Crossfire has to be the worst example of American-German cooperation since a chap called Adolphus Busch arrived in the states, tasted the water and thought 'MMMM, i could make BEER out of this! And we ended up with that headache in a can called Budweiser' - JC
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More good'ens.
Jeremy: (On the BMW X3) "And if you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and think you are an onion, here's your car."

Jeremy: (On the Hummer aftershave) "It comes in a jerrycan of repressed homosexuality."
My mate has Hummer so i always keep saying stuff like "oh has your cousin been after you again?"

JC on the safety video "Its not young people who are a danger to our roads, its old people..." something along those lines lol so true

more america special quotes...

JC putting tortoise to the side of the road Jezza-"Its probably some eight year old girls and its escaped" Richard-"How can a tortiose escape, oh come back" Jezza-"hahahah AAAAAH DONT DO THAT TORTOISE" (pulls really girly pose) lol

not from the presenters but Radio Adverts-"The good news is, with gods help, we can stop global warming" and "in a world were tails dont wag, chew toys are left unchewed, one man steps forward and dares to say- I can get to the route of your dogs depression"

in the Hick garage Manly lookin Woman-"Guesss what your in a hick town man" Richard-"were going to die now" Manly Looking Woman-"dont you f***ing dare" lmao
 
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Polar Special
James being driven around on the "Bumper Dumper": Clarkson, I know it's you! You insufferable oaf!
JC to James: See James, I told you, we'll be ther in NOOOO time!
JC to James: What do you think? James: I think we're all gonna die!
Richard: And then the insides of my googles all froze up and I couldn't see. Then I had something to cry about!
JC: Oh look, it's got babies!!! SWEEET!!!!!!
 
James: Forgotten my gloves.
Jezza: Give me strength, I knew he was going to be bad, but I didnt know he was going to be this bad.

I liked that one :D
 
Jemery and the MG SV

whack!! "ouch...arrghh..arrr!!!!"

Then Hammond "Did you bump your head a bit??"


Jermery and the Areial Atom

"I AM AN ALIEN!!!"


Trevor Eve to Jermery (07x01)

"YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT CARS!!!"


Jermery and the Lotus Exige

"It's not everyday that you find a Apache gunship in your mirror!"


:D
 
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Porsche for ?1500 challenge:

Goes something like this:

James: "Tall man with sensitive hair, seeks (cant remember)... must have liberal attitude to motorcycle components in the bath"

Richard: "We had reached brighton, were we were joined by james' enormous new spoiler" (James' boot was stuck open)

Jeremy " V6 and 3/4"

Richard "Ok 3...2...1....GO!!! (bursts out laughing) Its just driven away!"
 
Ah yes, the Porsche special, that had some good ones!

Jeremy: "For the first time today, I have no warning lights on the dashboard. All is well! Apart from, you know, the windscreen wipers and the windows and the mirrors and the radio and the clock. And the air conditioning. And the speedometer and the milometer, and the piston ring eating the engine, and the big smoke coming out of the back. Everything's fine!"

Why did he buy that hunk of junk?!


After his skid

"If you were from the area of china near Tibet, you would look at that and say 'aw rook, sumone rite ireven!"
 
AG.Daiba said:
Jeremy: The thing is, I think I'm right in saying that I have never completed a single journey, anywhere there and back, in it ever. Which must make it the most unreliable car... ever made. In fact, if you've got a more unreliable one, write to us at 'Actually I've Got a Peugeot' BBC Top Gear, London W12.
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fuckin classic that one,

my mates got a 406, suspension collapsed on the M1.... oh the hilarity
 
I quite like all these usually old-fashioned remarks by James. Like: you insufferable oaf, you utter clot etc.
 
JC on Prius:

"Actually I'm being unfair, the Prius is so slow, the child could retrieve his ball and grow to puberty before the Prius actually hit him"

JM (Car Boats):

"Clarkson! You utter pirate!"
 
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