1. Have it be sponsored by anybody BUT automotive-related companies. The Gap, Napster, Better Homes and Gardens, Lifetime, Tampax, Fancy Feast, and that colossus of American culture, Haagen-Dazs (hate to break it to you, but they're Amerruceen. Kinda like learning that Santa Claus doesn't exist, huh?).
2. Dale Earnhardt Junneear may pull in big audiences because apparently some housewives think he's t3h secks, but don't forget, when it comes to shilling for massive corporations the guy's a gonorrhea-infested hooker with a penis. Yamaha, Wrangler, Chevy, Bud Light, and hell, probably Haagen-Dazs as well. So he'll probably use the show to sell/promote his latest line of #3 shot glasses/novelty lamps.
3. Nobody cares about Don Imus. stfu, CNN.
4. SIARPC could be interesting...there's plenty of stars in America I'd want to see hooning it up in the desert (or whatever nuclear testing site they build the test track on). First pick: Christopher Walken, no doubt about it. Then follow him up with David Hasselhoff, watch the ratings skyrocket like the Reliant shuttle!
5. The first season's probably going to be a rehash of everything that's been done before, but with a bigger budget. Not that we're not creative enough, but the show's creators won't know where to go without pissing off the legions original loyalists at first. Much like the derivative and widely panned first season of The Office.
So expect to see "WATCH US RACE A PLANE IN AN ASTON FROM CALIFORNIA TO LAS VEGAS!" Or "WHICH RELIGION IS THE FASTEST: CATHOLICISM, BUDDHISM, SCIENTOLOGY, OR FRED PHELPS!" "TONIGHT: WATCH US JUMP STUFF INTO STUFF! POWERRR!"
Except, of course, with a bigger budget. Chances are, it'll be produced by Jerry Bruckheimer and there's gonna be lots of XTREME shaky-cam 3D slo-mo gun battle explosions. Not that it's a bad thing: it worked for CSI, didn't it?
6. Lastly, put it on CNN. They don't really do actual news anymore, anyway. Plus they'll rake in the sponsorship dollahz from Tampizzax!
It'll most likely suck, but face it: you and I will still fucking download it every week while complaining about how much it sucks. Just because we're such hardcore fans. 8)