Top Gear Chuck Norris jokes/facts

matskulainen

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I don't know if this will work or not but decided to give it a go. The idea is to write simple jokes or facts related to TG with the same manner as the Chuck Norris facts (check http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com to understand what I mean).

I'll start with an example:

"Ron Jeremy retired because Top Gear's style of cocking about gained more popularity."

After that rubbish one, the bar is pretty low...:blink:
 

matskulainen

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I didn't mean it as a game... I was inspired by the demotivators :p . I'm gonna go make some...
 

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[Another Fail attempt]

The stig gets A+ grades in his math classes because the numbers and variables are so scared, they add, multiply, and integrate by themselves

[/Another fail attempt]
 

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Every 6 months the stig swims thousands of miles in the ocean to the Stigapagos islands to lay hundreds of helmets [read: eggs]. After a month of gestation and in the shroud of the night, the helmets hatch, and baby stigs crawl out to the sea, following the moonlight for guidance.
 

MWF

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Everyone in the world with pubic hair has to pay royalties to Jeremy Clarkson's barber. (Username due to change imminently to Mineworksfineandisfreshlywaxed.)

One third of the world's child molesters have adopted normal sexual behaviour for fear of being accused by James May of "touching inappropriately".

If you get an anonymous -rep on Final Gear it's always from Viper007Bond because you didn't send him a dollar towards his Viper fund.
 
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matskulainen

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The reason why rainy days are common in the UK is because the God of everything, Andy Wilman, wants as much time as possible to teach James May how to powerslide.
 

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Everyone in the world with pubic hair has to pay royalties to Jeremy Clarkson's barber. (Username due to change imminently to Mineworksfineandisfreshlywaxed.)
Just ask Viper and he'll do it for you :p


Ohhh Viper Buddy.... yoohooo :mrgreen:
 

matskulainen

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Richard the Hamster owns a wooden Morgan so that if he suddenly get's hungry, dinner is close.

Jeremy Clarkson is tall as a result of streching via g-force

72% of headlines in the Daily Mail include the phrase "identity revealed"
 
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invisiblecake

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The reason why rainy days are common in the UK is because the God of everything, Andy Wilman, wants as much time as possible to teach James May how to powerslide.
Then I guess there's going to be a lot more rainy days.

I can't stop LOL-ing! :heart:
 

Momentum57

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James May knows everything there is to know - Except for the definition of fast.
 

darkshark0159

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Some random ones I came up with:

Jeremy Clarkson doesn't drive forward. He rotates the Earth backwards.

Jeremy Clarkson can powerslide? in mid-air.

Jeremy Clarkson causes [insert whichever horribly built car you'd like] to catch fire just by looking at them, but they'd probably ignite on their own anyway.

Jeremy Clarkson doesn't have a carbon footprint. He drives everywhere.

The amount of energy Jeremy Clarkson uses to powerslide a car for one second could power Australia for one year.

Jeremy Clarkson once drove to the north pole in a car. What you didn't see is that he kept on driving to the moon.

Jeremy Clarkson has never taken his driving test. He was automatically passed because no one at the DVLA had the balls to ride with him.

Vandals once painted over Jeremy Clarkson's windscreen. It took him two and a half years to notice.

Jeremy Clarkson could fix GM faster than a Corvette ZR1 can reach 60mph, but its excellence would then put all other car companies out of business.

Jeremy Clarkson likes all of his streets to be "one way". HIS WAY.

Lamborghini once tried to release a "Jeremy Clarkson Limited Edition" car, but he denied them the right to use his name it wasn't mad or powerful enough. To this day, they've yet to be able to create a car worthy of his name.

Jeremy Clarkson once convinced NASA to let him powerslide a Saturn V. The results are now known as the Rings of Saturn.
 
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matskulainen

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The Morris Marina is a terrible car

Top Gear has won an Emmy and 3 NTA awards. The Daily Mail headlines have never mentioned any of them
 
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