teletubby-warrior
Da Superfan
Tonight, I stumbled upon a seemingly random cartoon depicting the glorious Troy Tulowitzki.
Behold:
http://img251.imageshack.**/img251/7012/troytulowitzkibaseballc.jpg
I soon discovered it was much more than meets the eye, a robot in disguise, if you will. Thanks to this helpful comment, I discovered that the Koreans also appreciate Tulo. The reasons for this are plentiful and quite obvious, but I will list a few of them anyway.
-Tulo hits for both power and average; he's a SS batting cleanup... do you know how rare that is? Of course you do:
http://img837.imageshack.**/img837/6937/tulo.jpg
-Tulo plays Gold Glove defense, but has yet to win a GG... an absolute tragedy:
http://img718.imageshack.**/img718/6411/tulowitzki.jpg
-Tulo has sneaky-speed, much like a bear or an alligator:
http://img844.imageshack.**/img844/9306/610xyh.jpg
-Tulo stands tall and proud in the box and laughs in the face of mere mortals:
http://img26.imageshack.**/img26/8509/troytulowitzski.jpg
-Tulo has an arm comparable to an ancient trebuchet, perhaps even a bronze cannon:
http://img830.imageshack.**/img830/3802/2010051900002034.jpg
-Tulo is capable of growing the manliest of all man-mullets known to man:
http://img265.imageshack.**/img265/3281/tulomullet1.jpg
-Tulo has been wearing eye black in Denver long before Tim Tebow felt the need to share his dedication to the lord through the use of creative face painting:
http://img715.imageshack.**/img715/4835/troytulowitzki.jpg
These wonderful traits are widely appreciated and universally accepted as gifts from the heavens. The real question is why the Korean cartoonist has consciously decided to draw Tulo's likeness holding a cardboard box with a pig on the side. Once I got over the shock and horror of the brazen blasphemy that is depicting Tulo in any way, shape, or form off of a baseball field, I delved deeper.
I wandered the desert for what seemed like decades until I discovered a pig on a tall mountain. I was severely food-deprived and naturally followed the creature into the mountains. The pig led me into a cave and introduced me to a book titled The Culture of Fengshui in Korea: An Exploration of East Asian Geomancy. After slaughtering the swine and feasting on its flesh, I began reading and soon found what I'd been searching for.
On page 262, I discovered the story of King Yuri. You see, during Yuri's 21st year as king, the pig which was to be used in the sacrificial rites ran away. Yuri, being the wise man he was, ordered one of his officers to chase after the pig. The officer eventually caught the pig and reported back to the king. T'was great news. The pig was captured in a region well-protected by mountains, rich in wildlife, and fertile for crops. King Yuri soon relocated the capital to this place and lived happily every after.
...so the demotivator has it all wrong. Troy Tulowitzki is not the Bringer of Pork. He is the bringer of all that the pig represents in Korean culture: wealth, prosperity, and good luck.
Troy Tulowitzki is the Bringer of Hitting for the Cycle and the Unassisted Triple Play.
Behold:
http://img251.imageshack.**/img251/7012/troytulowitzkibaseballc.jpg
I soon discovered it was much more than meets the eye, a robot in disguise, if you will. Thanks to this helpful comment, I discovered that the Koreans also appreciate Tulo. The reasons for this are plentiful and quite obvious, but I will list a few of them anyway.
-Tulo hits for both power and average; he's a SS batting cleanup... do you know how rare that is? Of course you do:
http://img837.imageshack.**/img837/6937/tulo.jpg
-Tulo plays Gold Glove defense, but has yet to win a GG... an absolute tragedy:
http://img718.imageshack.**/img718/6411/tulowitzki.jpg
-Tulo has sneaky-speed, much like a bear or an alligator:
http://img844.imageshack.**/img844/9306/610xyh.jpg
-Tulo stands tall and proud in the box and laughs in the face of mere mortals:
http://img26.imageshack.**/img26/8509/troytulowitzski.jpg
-Tulo has an arm comparable to an ancient trebuchet, perhaps even a bronze cannon:
http://img830.imageshack.**/img830/3802/2010051900002034.jpg
-Tulo is capable of growing the manliest of all man-mullets known to man:
http://img265.imageshack.**/img265/3281/tulomullet1.jpg
-Tulo has been wearing eye black in Denver long before Tim Tebow felt the need to share his dedication to the lord through the use of creative face painting:
http://img715.imageshack.**/img715/4835/troytulowitzki.jpg
These wonderful traits are widely appreciated and universally accepted as gifts from the heavens. The real question is why the Korean cartoonist has consciously decided to draw Tulo's likeness holding a cardboard box with a pig on the side. Once I got over the shock and horror of the brazen blasphemy that is depicting Tulo in any way, shape, or form off of a baseball field, I delved deeper.
I wandered the desert for what seemed like decades until I discovered a pig on a tall mountain. I was severely food-deprived and naturally followed the creature into the mountains. The pig led me into a cave and introduced me to a book titled The Culture of Fengshui in Korea: An Exploration of East Asian Geomancy. After slaughtering the swine and feasting on its flesh, I began reading and soon found what I'd been searching for.
On page 262, I discovered the story of King Yuri. You see, during Yuri's 21st year as king, the pig which was to be used in the sacrificial rites ran away. Yuri, being the wise man he was, ordered one of his officers to chase after the pig. The officer eventually caught the pig and reported back to the king. T'was great news. The pig was captured in a region well-protected by mountains, rich in wildlife, and fertile for crops. King Yuri soon relocated the capital to this place and lived happily every after.
...so the demotivator has it all wrong. Troy Tulowitzki is not the Bringer of Pork. He is the bringer of all that the pig represents in Korean culture: wealth, prosperity, and good luck.
Troy Tulowitzki is the Bringer of Hitting for the Cycle and the Unassisted Triple Play.